Life at home

Sorry, I'd be near knifing/frying panning him, re the child being there, him in tighty whities. At the least I'd be approaching him hollering.

I don't get the passivity - well, I do, but I don't. I know it's only a few more weeks.
Just thinking about the matter of people like us - I am, heh, passive aggressive in my way - learning to deal early on instead of having stuff become elephants in the house. It's a circle, one keeps learning this stuff forever.

Twist his nipples and tell him it makes you uncomfortable.

Then come at him with a safety pin and some kleenex.

Unless he likes that kind of thing. A rusty safety pin.

But, would I feel better by belittling him? I dunno.

It's not about feeling better. It's about gaining the upper hand.

It doesn't matter to me. I hate being around him whether his clothed or naked. He's making pancakes now. Right now. Fried on butter, yes. All permeating. How does he eat them? hunched over the stove, yes. Like an ugly furry nasty animal, gobbling it with his paws. Yechchchhhc. He's soooo disgusting.

snort

I don't think you have to belittle.


Especially when a child is there.


If the child is there, I would just say that it is not appropriate for an adult strange man to be in undies.


Otherwise, if you wish to deal with it instead of run and hide (which sounds like a reasonable option for the short term if you find it so bad) I would just say you find it uncomfortable and prefer him to be more fully dressed. No need to belittle him and say you find him repulsive.

dlowan, I know, but my fear is that I will come across as repulsed as I am.

I guess I'm not clear, at page 167, if they/you two, ever told him about their not wanting him to waltz around in the underwear.

Messy borders over time, with a person with no apparent antennae for borders, or, at worst, dismissal of them.

Of course a frying pan fling at this late date is wrong, wrong, wrong.






I'll sympathize, though, in that opening your life up for comment at all is a brave thing, and I understand the invasion of opinions on it.

Why would you be caring if he finds you are actually repulsed by his behavior? Given what seem like myriad comments from you two on it...

I see I'm a little aggressive on this, but it took me ages to listen to myself, and I see that going on in you two. You are taking care that he not be hurt that you think the tighty whitey parade is obnoxious? Tell me again, why?

I can see you just want him out, with no complications.

I don't think we ever addressed the underwear thing outright. He stopped wearing only underwear when it became cooler last fall and when it started again, d and I were just sort of done trying to talk to him about anything. Waiting it out, yep. Bitching while we wait.

He is not a bad person, he is annoying. I don't like hurting people's feelings. Sometimes one must. This is a time that is hard to justify. I could attempt to say something and might possibly get my point across without seeming repulsed, but I can't guarantee it.

Plus, if I use my niece as an excuse, he could just tell me he'd prefer I don't have her here. Of course, I did tell him the kids would be around the house at times...........

I want him out, no complications. THe less I talk to him, the better. I will not stop on my way out of the house just to tell him something to the effect that he grosses me out. He knows that. I know that he knows. End of story.

Oh and he's not oblivious that he's crossing the boundaries. I believe he does that on purpose. He apologized for his "minimal attire" to a friend of mine. But never to me or kris. He knows exactly what he's doing and I will not be drawn into another stupid argument about his 'rights'. He has this murky concept of rights, the most important of which seems to be the 'right to forget' (his definition, million times repeated). And forget he does. Every day. Stuff all around, dishes sitting next to the sink for days... He's extremely territorial about the apartment, he wants to be in every little corner of it. He has to claim the space in some way, even if he really doesn't need, he will creep into every last crevice (put one thing into this drawer, one thing into another... whatever). This is part of the same behavior and despite of what you are telling us, which I appreciate and consider sound advice should the situation be different, I will not talk to him about it. That's precisely what he wants. We've been there. I'm done talking to him. There was a lot of it, no matter what your impression of our communication is, and it was highly unpleasant. These three weeks I am avoiding him best I can. I doubt anything will change it.

Remember he was planning that trip to the cape - maybe he'll still go even though I didn't offer my parents' house. You could have a couple days without him.

Well, tomorrow I'm away all day (picnic and concert w/Jina and Aaron), I'll be at the cape for 3 days (that makes it 19 days), and I'll gladly spend a weekend in New York, so another 3 days.... that makes it 2 weeks or so. Which I can spend at my boss'es if he gets too annoying.

Good - break it into smaller chunks!

I'll break him into smaller chunks. Sounds good.

Truth is, he's so unimportant. I've had millions of anxiety dreams this year, everybody I know was involved in them, but him. Never once. When he's not present in the house, he doesn't exist. But when he is, it's an overwhelming burden on my territorial imperatif.

At least he hasn't lifted his leg and peed in the corner. But that might be next!

Okay. Special circumstances call for special tactics. Get a good, low oder linement (HEET comes to mind, that gets its effectiveness from capsicum. Now, apply to that 'minimal attire' and give it time to dry. Even dry, this stuff is going to have strong effect on what we might delicately call "tender areas".

I don't understand talking about tighty whities here many times and never talking about the whitey parade with the roommate parading.

I'm being obnoxious about this since I don't think built up resentment works for grown women. Obviously it's late, re this roommate.