Life at home

oh, nimh. this from you, from a person who is far more patient with people than most women i know?
tsk tsk

No. And I think Ms. Puente and he crew were maybe a little more pragmatic about the whole thing. Profit motive and all.

Creepy ****.

If living with someone is making you both miserable, why NOT just ask him to find somewhere else?


(I am coming in late here, so there may be some good reason)


I mean, if an arrangement isn't working out in as important a sphere as your home, I don't get the drama. It wouldn't be about telling him he's a whatever you think he is, it would be about "we don't have the same ideas about communal living and it would be mutually nicer to be with people who share our feelings.


And he probably finds you guys pains in the bum as well...when people have different ideas about cleanliness and social responsibility and alll it generally isn't just one side that experiences dysphoria about it all.



Having said that, I have, at least three times in my sharing career, been part of a household that moved to get away from one person.

Weird.

We so do recognize him!

but there is no drama. we don't like him, but a) it's not his fault that he's socially impossible, or not entirely, b) neither of us feels that's enough to ask somebody to move out (he didn't do anything malicious to us on purpose so far) and c) we'd have to go through the hassle of finding someone else instead or moving ourselves. no thank you.

so again, no. we will not be asking him to move out. we come here to vent, which does not mean we always have problems. there are 'normal' days, when nothing happens. and increasingly, when something does (like the washing machine episode yesterday), it turns into being funny at the end.
we do not discard advice, i have learnt, also through this thread, to communicate with #3 much more directly, which i would have thought too blunt if not rude prior to meeting him, but now i see it is needed to convey the point. but moving out - him or us- is honestly way more trouble than worth. especially if i or we have to move in august again.

wabbit, i think this is the 1st time you and i have ever agreed on something.


are u feeling ok?

I suppose having an end in sight -- even if it is 10 months away -- makes a difference. Hell, it'd probably take him 5 months to find another place anyway, during which time he'd probably box up all his belongings and stack them around the toilet.

As it happens, no, I am having an ongoing nasty issue at work, and I feel frazzled as hell.


Aren't you sorry you asked?

(i knew it had to be something like that...)

You're a mean amoeba, know that?

He ain't nothin' more than a cyanobacterium. Not even. He's a mycoplasma. Punk-ass mycoplasma...

You're a VERY good dog!

I'm not sayin' what that yellow one looks like.

that's how i look at it, too. heck, it would probably take him 8 months to find a place and then 2 to move. he'll be gone for at least a month over christmas, which will be a nice little break. i'll be gone for two to three months, so littlek will have some time to restore sanity, and i won't see him for 3-4 months total. probably more, as i might travel for work in late spring, or summer as well.
he's certainly not much fun, but when i remember the moving in here, i'd take him over that anytime.

Plus, there's the money..

I understand the aggravation of tossing him out versus the aggravation of daily life, given a limited timing. I've certainly made similar choices...

and I'm glad to see you two are getting more direct. There's a lot to be said for direct.

it's been quite an education for me, osso. i hate to be strict with people, but this one has to be told: "No. you can't do that" to accept something. And preferablywithout explanation, because then he tries to convince you that he has a superior way of doing whatever it is that's discussed. So I've stopped using: "Could you please.... or ...would you mind..." and just use "no!" instead. Funny that it works, and he's not offended ever, at least not that I can tell.

I was raised in a very polite world. Sometimes that's this big thick screen... and within that world, one can go from serene control to some sort of hysterics on rare occasion, when just a straightforward comment in the first place doesn't make people like you less.. it helps them figure you out.

I've grown to not like controlling tones of voice, and don't like it in myself.
Sarcasm can work, but in the long term, is pretty offputting as a key trait.
Lots of passive aggressive bs can be skipped by simple unemotional declaration.

I'm working on this. Decades pass.

Crap. There's no Eureka! moment? I thought one morning and I'd have all of this "how to deal with people" thing figured out.

I'm having Albuquerque moments now instead...


Some part of rage, which I am acquainted with, is from thousands of tongues of politeness by oneself,
though I suppose not all rage.


Simple, unloaded, declaration can be good.




Well, I'm still a learner here. But it reminds me of my difficulties with shyness as an child and adolescent. It was only as I approached my twenties that I caught on that people tended to like others not for being nice and sweet, or just like themselves, but for being genuine, speaking straightforwardly.


I'll admit this won't always work, I might still not like whomever because of the vileness of his or her opinions, but... to a large extent, unloaded commentary gives me room to not be defensive.

To all the people who advise that they get rid of #3 -- stop it! First of all, littlek and dag have made it clear that that's not what they want to do, for several reasons. Secondly they've made a thread specifically for this, keeping their emotional messiness (if they have any) out of other people's threads -- a trick I wish some other members could learn. Thirdly, look at all the views -- there's a huge silent fan club loving this thread!

You go, gurls!