Always thought I was straight-now confused, am I bi or a lesbian based on these beaviours?

Reply Wed 29 Nov, 2017 09:19 pm

I really hope someone out there is able to respond as I've tried to reach out to different forums and it seems I have been left even more confused in a lot of ways as people have stopped responding after saying things that made me question myself even more.

FYI- I am in my mid 20's.
I have always considered myself a straight woman based on my real life desires. Although I am a virgin by choice, I thought I was straight because in real life I have always noticed guys in an attraction type of way, whereas I can acknowledge a beautiful woman but without the feelings of attraction-desiring her physically or emotionally. I thought this was the way to understand your sexual orientation.

Well, certain behavior both in the past and recent have now made me confused.

-When I was 10 years old, I noticed a naked picture of a woman on a magazine and stared at it and definitely made an intention to check the picture out. I didnt fantasize bout the naked woman at this age and dont recall feeling any butterflies.
-When I was a mid teens (I am in my mids 20s now) I engaged in cyber sex with a girl (text only) and didnt go back to chatting with her after that one time. During the same age time period, I also pretended to be a boy online several times and private messaged a few girls and flirted with them-can't remember if the chats got sexual. Again, I spoke to each girl just once and didnt establish an emotional connection with them at all. During this time (16-18 years old) my internet behaviors didn't translate to real life feelings i.e. when I was at school, I never had any crushes on girls or anyone from the same sex. I also didnt analyse why I did what I did and never thought much about it.
-For a few years in my life until now I have watched lesbian content (porn, erotic movies with sexual scenes) and seen pictures of naked women( in particular one woman who i got aroused looking at was on social media and she was half dressed) and I have been turned on and have fantasized and masturbated about being with a woman. Yet again, no desire to experiment or be with women in real life.
-I follow two female celebrities (one is a famous model) and one non famous fashion model and I think I follow them for the fashion but someone told me that because I dont 100% have a solid answer for following them then that may indicate that I am attracted to them. The thing is I have never desired to be with them and have felt no arousal from looking at their pictures so does that mean I am attracted to them? In contrast, I also follow male celeb pages and some of them I think are attractive in a date-able way but I follow mainly for their content also.
-Also I've orgasmed to thought of being with a woman but have also fantasized about being with men but have not reached orgasm thinking of men (I am a virgin and find it difficult thinking what it would feel like and whilst I haven't been with a woman I do think the similar body makes it easier to think about).
-I had two brief sexual thoughts months ago (that both lasted like two or three minutes) about a female celebrity and then a female colleague. I then went to work to see if I felt anything for the female colleague and I just felt blank-no desire, no romance-just blank.

I've spent months analyzing whether I like women and have even gone so far as looking at a female colleagues chest to see if I felt anything and all I got was "you're a creep for checking her out" but felt no desire to kiss her or be with her sexually or romantically. I zero desire to even actually experiment with women and have no history of ever having a crush on a woman. When I think of who I would like to be in a relationship with, I think of men, I jsut have a low desire to actually entertain or even pursue that type of relationship. I'll most likely notice a good looking guy in a dateable way. In contrast if i see a beautiful woman, I can acknowledge her beauty without a desire to be with her.

I know thats alot (I've analysed my sexuality for the past few months). I am in my mid 20's and I've never been attracted to women and never worried so much about both past and recent behaviors being sexual orientation defining until the past few months. Now, I am beyond stressed because I feel like I am suffering from an identity crisis and keep checking women out to see if I like them and then I keep thinking "If I am bisexual or a Lesbian, how does that work if I dont even desire to experiment with women"?

I am trying to understand what my behaviors mean and what defines bisexuality and/or being a lesbian and if my behavior outlined above mean that I am no longer straight and therefore a bisexual or lesbian?

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Reply Thu 30 Nov, 2017 07:50 am
You sound a lot more asexual to me (I am not a doctor).
Reply Thu 30 Nov, 2017 08:11 pm
There's not enough information there for you to make a decision. And why the need to commit to one or the other, or both?

You need more interaction with both sexes. Not online, but real experiences.

Make a commitment to date. Ask people out. Get some experiences and that will help you shape your preferences.
Reply Thu 30 Nov, 2017 08:40 pm
Thanks Jespah. I've read into asexuality and will do some further reading. I'm not sure if its also the case that I have opened myself up to the prospect of dating as I do not desire any intimacy before marriage (anxiety over possible pregnancy, etc) and so whilst I find some guys attractive, I do not entertain dates etc as I am not ready to settle down etc.

Would you consider anything I wrote as sexual orientation defining? As this is the root of my confusion to be honest.
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Reply Thu 30 Nov, 2017 08:45 pm
Thnks Punkey. Thats all the information I have based on my life experiences. I have interacted with men and women (not in a relationship type of way) and yes I can find guys attractive but women I can see as being beautiful or pretty but have no desire to be with them. I dont want to date anyone right now as I do not have the time for a relationship. I also do not desire to experiment with women and with men I do not desire intimacy before marriage as I have anxiety over possible pregnancy/stds etc so for me to be with a man I would have to know him very well and be in a committed relationship which I am not ready for.
Reply Sun 18 Oct, 2020 10:28 am
is it ok to be lgbt and schizophrenic .... some people make fun of me for this
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Reply Wed 9 Dec, 2020 07:44 pm
I had a similar experience my entire 20s. I would even sometimes become repulsed when I would kiss a woman or go on a date . I came out as lesbian at 32 after years of battling that “I want a traditional life” inner voice. Which I still do and now understand as one of God’s children can have even gay. The repulsion or lack of true commitment to dating women I experienced was because I was in denial and scared to embrace who I really was, fully. You can be lesbian and still find men handsome, I do. But I don’t wanna sleep with them and now that I’ve come to terms with being a gay Christian and reclaimed my spot at the table , I can feel those butterflies with the RIGHT person. You don’t sound asexual , you sound like a person who needs emotional and intellectual connection to be attracted and turned on. It’s called sapiosexual. Smile
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