A drunken mistake

Forums: Relationship, Cheating, Advice
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Hi all,

I've been with my fiance for nearly 3 years. Never cheated and have never thought of ever doing it. I love my fiance

However I went out this past weekend, got really drunk and on the drive home the guy sitting in the backseat with me kissed me (he was a friend of my friend, i don't know him, first time i met him) I did back away and tell him I can't do this, but didn't realise someone actually kissed me until I got home and started sobbing. I'm feeling so guilty and actually quite disgusted.

I don't have any feelings nothing whatsoever for this guy and not in contact with him. But still feeling terrible. Do I tell my fiance or not?

Please help.

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@Katia01,

If this weighs on your mind, and causes you to feel guilty, you probably should talk to him about it, if only for your peace of mind. Mind you, that talk might evolve into a fight: he might react poorly to the news.

Still, in the long run, honesty in this kind of situation almost always wins out by the way: at least your fiance will know you won't hold secrets of that kind from him, and that builds trust.

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I wouldn't mention it. Like you said, it was a drunken mistake. This is your lapse of judgement that you must carry by yourself.

The important thing is to not put yourself into that position again. You know, like over drinking and kissing guys you don't know. Learn from this.

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@Katia01,

What the hell are You feeling guilty about?

He made the advance, not you.
You pulled away and told him to stop.

You want to feel guilty over what someone else did?

What? Do you think you were supposed to be able to enter his thoughts and change whatever he was thinking?

You didn’t even make any kind of mistake. Apparently you were just sitting there.

What does your being drunk have to do with anything? Absolutely nothing.

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@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

kissing guys you don't know.

She didn’t.

In addition, she didn’t even let him do this. She stopped him both physically and verbally.

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@Katia01,

The reason I advice you to talk to him about it, and I still do, is because you feel guilty about it. I reckon you probably went through all the arguments in your head already, and if you still can't stop the guilt, why not deal with it? As the others rightly said, nothing much happened.

But, regardless what you decide, Good luck with it!

1 Reply

@Katia01,

Someone kissed you and you feel guilty?

Why?

Were you actively kissing him back?

__

If it bothered you, you should have told your fiance immediately - let him know someone kissed you.

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@Katia01,

Katia01 wrote:

guy sitting in the backseat with me kissed me (he was a friend of my friend, i don't know him, first time i met him)

Do I tell my fiance or not?

the person you absolutely have to tell is your actual friend - that person needs to know that their friend made unwanted advances on you

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@ehBeth,

It's not the "who kissed who" that's making me feel guilty, it's the fact that it was still another man's lips on mine. :/ and I have not the slightest clue as to how my fiance would react if I told him.

2 Replies

@ehBeth,

And no i wasn't actively kissing back, it was one of those moments where it took me maybe 2 seconds to realize what was actually going on, and that's when I told him to stop.

1 Reply

@Katia01,

Is there a religious or cultural reason why no other man would ever kiss you on your lips? Or is this coming from your own mind?

Perhaps you are making this much more than it really was UNLESS you were assaulted. ( which it doesn't sound like it.)

Why do you feel you must tell your fiancé?

Would that be a deal breaker for him? Would he break up with you because of this?

2 Replies

I think I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that this was not my fault, I was drunk & someone else thought it was okay to kiss me, I did back away.

Atleast i know for next time what kind of people I don't want to be partying with.

I'm still undecided about whether or not to say something though..

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@PUNKEY,

Yeah i think I'm just making it out to be much more than it actually is.

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@PUNKEY,

I actually dont have a clue as to how he would react.

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@najmelliw,

Thanks for the advice!

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@Katia01,

Katia01 wrote:

it's the fact that it was still another man's lips on mine.

are you and your fiance part of a religious group that doesn't allow men and women to interact outside of marriage?

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@Katia01,

Katia01 wrote:

And no i wasn't actively kissing back

then there is NOTHING to feel guilty about

(unless you don't tell your friend - that is something you must do)

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@Katia01,

If only all girls and guys were like you my dear...

You were smashed yet still had the common sense to pull back!
Your partner is so lucky to have you!

But going to your point. Talk to him if you find it unbearable . He should hold you and tell you that is fine...because your reaction shows nothing but honesty and strong moral values!
Chin up! You got this ! Smile

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A drunken mistake

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