My dominion is feeling pretty crummy

Hugs to Boomer and everyone you love.

I say Mo's dad got asked if he was gonna see Mo over the holidays. "No. He's been adopted." Gets everyone off his back (no fuss, no muss) - and onto yours.

More hugs winging westward.

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boomerang wrote:

After a long night of staring at the ceiling, I'm glad I didn't lie. This is not just an emotional issue but a legal issue as well. Lying about it now could spell trouble down the road.

Adoption is definately our goal. The state doesn't like to terminate a parent's rights -- even in situations like this. Unless Mo's parents willingly terminate their rights we have to just sit tight for a while. We have to go for 15 months without hearing from them to get the court to terminate their rights.

To further complicate things, the court agrees that his bio-parents are acting in his best interest by relinquishing custody at this point. They are acting in his best interest. They were acting in his best interest when they abandoned him here. Therefore they are not "unfit".

I'm really confused because Mo's dad knows all of this. He has all of the legal papers from the previous court proceding. He knows his rights haven't been terminated - only that he would have to go back to court if he ever wanted to reestablish custody.

Why would he tell his parents anything different?

It makes me feel terrible not to be able to make him guarantees. I follow a lot of custody issues and I know that bio-parents almost always win in courts. I hope it never comes to that but you just never ever know. If it ever does come to that I will need people from both sides of his family on my side - on Mo's side - everyone agrees that our home is the best place for him.

Honesty is the pits but I can't kid myself and I can't kid the kid so its probably best that I don't try to kid anyone else right now either.

Thank you all for your replies. I need some hand holding and hugs and good vibes and prayers and whatever you might want to provide. It helps to have a place to rant and ramble.

Boomer - I SOOOOO understand. Not from the gut, like you are dealing with it - but....

Typical scenario here.

3 year old tells mum "daddy puts his willy in my weewee and it HURTS!"

Mum makes sense of the vaginal infections and soreness down there - leaves home with kid - welfare informed - welfare over-worked - decide kid is safe - no investigation - we get contacted by mum for help - push for investigation because we know dad will go for custody when it all settles and with no investigation family court will assume nothing happened - dad goes for custody, gets 50/50 care - no way to protect kid - abuse continues for several more years -

OR - child has been in stable foster care for years - biological mother comes back just often enough to stuff kid up - BUT - kid and carers can never feel secure together, cos biology trumps psychological parenthood in court.

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I a mso glad you didn't lie - both for your sake (not lettin' 'em drag you down) and because you are quite right - court is a fine tooth conb, and squeaky clean is the only way to be.

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I can't begin to understand Mo's dad's motivations. He's an odd duck alright. I can't imagine saying that my son had been adopted to avoid buying a holiday gift but then I can't imagine walking away from Mo like he did either.

Ms. Winnie did say that they had only heard from him twice in the last year. I know that once was when we had him served with the court order - I don't know when the other time was. I really do think his parents were insturmental in getting him to sign on for the custody arrangement. I'd like to think they are still on my "side".

dlowan, you're typical scenarios remind me a lot of two cases that exploded here over the last two weeks:

In one, a foster kid was rescured from a home - she was bleeding from her head and the family called 911. The medics found a seven year old girl who weighed 28 pounds. She's recovering.

In another, a child was returned to his bio-parents after having been in foster care. He'd been back a week when the family called 911. He too was bleeding. He died from head injuries.

Things like this make you realize how hard it must be to be the person who makes decisions regarding child welfare. From where I sit, in my situation, it is so easy for me to say what is right. I know it isn't that easy for the state.

Yet another reason to keep my nose clean and my concious clear of lies.

I'm still pacing the floor and wringing my hands but I feel much better now. Thank you all so much.

We're going to go swim off some tension!

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Just thought I'd drop in and and let you know my prayers are with you and Mo.

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Boomer--

Saw your other thread. Mommies don't get time off.

Hold your dominion.

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boomerang wrote:

We're going to go swim off some tension!

Uh-oh. Having been at your other thread, I know what happened when you went swimming. Arggggghhh. I hope that things are beginning to calm down, Boomer.

(((Hugs)))

Remember, you are a good person, doing a good thing and have the support of Mr.B and the love of Mo, as well as the support & admiration of lots of us on a2k. Also, you didn't lie, which is very important and, imo, the right thing to do. The fact that Mrs. Winnie called you is a bad thing, but she's a busybody. Honest to God, I had a dream about her and I can tell you, I didn't like her a bit.

Can you get Caller ID so you're not surprised like that anymore?

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I'm sorry it took me so long to get back here.

Thank you all for your good thoughts and advice.

Caller ID is a great idea. I'm such a telephone luddite, I swear. I did switch to cordless about a year ago but now I can never find the phone.

Now, how can I hook that up that ID thingy to your mind, Piffka, to prevent you of dreaming of my demons?

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They are coming tomorrow.

On top of all the other crap going on right now.....

(Noddy, sozobe, I haven't forgotten you and I will be writing....)

Anyway.....

They are coming tomorrow.

I will be needing my dominion.

If you've seen it, please return it.

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Ah, Boomer, hang in there...

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Boomer--

Ugh and Happy New Year.

Tomorrow will be hell. Not only will you have an adorable four-year-old with memories, you'll be entertaining the Winnie Bunch, people who feel they are very important and meaningful--not part of the problem.

Don't worry about what time they are arriving. Start counting down until seven in the evening tomorrow at which point they will be gone-gone-gone.

Does Mo know they are coming?

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Oh man.

<tears off a chunk of dominion, hands it over>

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You never lost your dominion.

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Poor Mo. Having those people in his safe house is not gonna be nice.

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Thank you all.

Maybe it won't be so awful.

I haven't talked to Mo about the visit - yet. I usually wait until close to "company" time to bring it up as he sometimes gets anxious ..... or excited.... its hard to tell which.

I told Mr. B that I would handle the visit but he had to promise to come home from work early to take us out to dinner.

They are supposed to arrive about one o'clock. I hope to have them gone by 2:30 even if I have to invent a reason to get going.

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good.

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yep, sounds like a good plan.

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Eeeyikes. Why are they coming? I hope that don't bring that awful doll. <mean look>

Batten down the hatches... hide the silver.

My best thoughts being sent south, Boomerang. I'll light a candle. It's nearly time.

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Boomerang--

How did it go? We're on your side.

Hold your dominion.

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You know what?

It wasn't so bad.

They were actually pretty cool. (But I have been snowed by these people before......)

I really try to not be judgmental. While I will never ever ever understand how they could skip an entire year of Mo's life for any reason under the sun or the moon or come hell or high water -- they did show up with hat in hand and were very respectful and..... I don't know.....

A couple of hours before they came I started talking to Mo about them coming to visit - "you remember them - they had the fun dart board that you liked to play with - they have the big silly dog - they blah blah blah..."

Mo really seemed happy to see them and he had fun playing with them and I took my cue from Mo.

They didn't push.

They called me "mom".

They know that they have to regain my trust, from scratch, starting all over.

They know that an armload of gifts is not likely to influence me, even if it enchants Mo.

Like the rest of Mo's crazy family, they are not bad people they just have this weird carelessness that I will never understand and I'm glad that I will never understand it. Half the time his family makes me furious and the other half the time it makes me incredibly

sad.

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My dominion is feeling pretty crummy

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