Reply
Wed 22 Nov, 2017 10:06 pm
There is a guy that I really like that I met through school, we've known each other for about 3-4 months now. At first our only interactions were in school, when he would stop me in the halls to say hello, or in one of the few classes that we share, but relatively quickly we discovered that we take the same busses to get home. After about a week or two of talking and catching the bus home together, he asked for my phone number..
Can I tell you just how unusual it is that a guy that I'm actually interested in would ask for my contact info? I'm awkward, quiet, and I come off as quite an asshole at first to be honest. Yet here he was. Asking for my phone number.
We texted everyday for two months straight, him starting the conversation 9 out of 10 times. He has complimented me quite a few times, on things like my eyes, my makeup on the one day I wore it, my hair, and my personality. There was a point in October when someone very close to me passed away, and I had to go out of state for a few weeks, and he was sweet and caring the whole time, never pushing me to talk, but just letting me know that he was there. He told me a little about his past, and my trust towards him was more than what I've ever felt with any of my freinds.
He's mentioned wanting to hang out multiple times, but doesn't seem to want to completely initiate it.
So that's all a bit of past stuff, now to the question
Does he like me as more than a freind? My other freinds think that he does based off of these facts: He stares at me a lot, smiling at me when I look at him and not breaking eye contact. He's extremely gentle around me, as he knows I'm prone to being really anxious around people. He compliments me. He's sent me multiple selfies (chest up, ya perv). He asked for my phone number in the first place. He uses blushy emojies a lot when we text. He's asked about my dating life.
Oh. and he smokes weed. I don't.
I'm sorry that that probably sounded like a bunch of gibberish, I'm kind of **** at writing and I'm feeling sort of flustered at the moment.
It certainly sounds as if he likes you, and I suggest that you try to initiate hanging out if he is a bit shy. You don't have to smoke any weed if you don't want to.
@sheeb,
sheeb wrote:
I'm sorry that that probably sounded like a bunch of gibberish, I'm kind of **** at writing and I'm feeling sort of flustered at the moment.
I've read some gibberish here over the years, and I probably wrote some gibberish myself as well. This doesn't fall in that category: You described the situation quite clearly.
And yes, it most certainly sounds like he is interested. He sounds like a good guy, the weed smoking notwithstanding (I'm dutch, and even if I never used it myself, I have known lots of great guys and gals who did: it's no problem in my opinion).
@sheeb,
sheeb wrote:He's mentioned wanting to hang out multiple times, but doesn't seem to want to completely initiate it.
what do you do when this happens
it reads like he's letting you know he's interested, but can't figure out if you're interested
invite him to join you somewhere for an afternoon
@sheeb,
sheeb wrote:He's mentioned wanting to hang out multiple times, but doesn't seem to want to completely initiate it.
Oh for God's sake! He's a nice guy. He's dropping you a (very heavy) hint to see if you pick it up. He's gone half the distance, he's waiting for you to come meet him in the middle. He is very nicely not doing all the work.
@ehBeth,
When he says it I'm generally respond with something like "sure, I would love to hang out at some point." leaving it at that, but still trying to show that I'm interested and that I care. I'm not really good at understanding what people mean when they say things.
I've been considering asking him if he would be want to meet at a coffee shop that we've talked about before. Yesterday I had gathered the courage to ask him and already had the text drafted, but he ended up texting me before I could send it and I chickened out.
morale of the story: I'm a wimpy, awkward teenage girl who should just stick with her comic characters
Don't be so harsh on yourself! There are people out there who struggle with dating related issues their entire life, precisely because this stuff doesn't come easy to everybody.
Let's agree that he is interested. Just talk to him, ask him if he wants to hang out after school in the coffee shop you mentioned. And don't overthink it: that, coupled with your lack of self esteem, is what will make you hesitate and chicken out. Remember, this guy is interested. He likes you, and he wants to hang out with you. That's half the battle won right there! To him, you are not the wimpy, awkward teenage girl that you make yourself out to be. If you can't find the self esteem necessary to ask him out in yourself, find that self esteem in the way he acts towards you.
Also remember, high school won't last forever. If you keep on waiting, you'll lose your chance.
@sheeb,
sheeb wrote:When he says it I'm generally respond with something like "sure, I would love to hang out at some point."
The trouble is that many people, especially shy or non-pushy people, will interpret that "at some point" to mean "No", or "maybe" (which comes to the same thing) or "not yet". He wants to hear "Yes! When? What time? or How about tomorrow? (today is better!)". Anything less than definite, clear, and enthusiastic acceptance is considered to be a rejection. That is how I thought as a teenager.
@sheeb,
Invite him to the coffee shop.
He's as nervous and awkward as you are AND he has already given you so many hints.
You really need to try to step up on this.
When I was young and on the dating scene, it took guts to ask a girl out sometimes. If she didn't say "Sure! Great! When?", or even ask me out, pride kicked in and I would think "send me a goddamn letter when you've made your mind up, only don't because I'll have moved right on, baby!" I wanted, and still do, want to date and be with people who like the idea enough to say so clearly.
@centrox,
Exactly. Someone needs to stop pussyfooting around and step up to the plate.
There’s an expiration date on waiting around for someone to respond to what have been definite signals of interest.
All this second guessing every little thing will result in a missed opportunity.
How often does he smoke weed? Daily? On weekends?
How would you feel if he "drank"?
Just asking. Teen use of alcohol and/or drugs would be a deal breaker for me.
Hiw do you feel about it?
@PUNKEY,
Everything is a deal breaker for you.
She’s not planning on marrying the guy for Christ sake.
It’s not like she’s going to be dragged down the road to perdition because she goes on a date with someone who smokes pot.
Not every encounter has to be looked at like a potential lifelong commitment.
Besides, regardless of what your grandchildren appear to tell you, pretty much everyone smokes or has at least tried pot. I know my generation did.
@PUNKEY,
He said that he smokes weed "occasionally", and only on weekends when he does. He is not the type of person to ever show up stoned at school.
Regarding drinking, he says that he never has... to be truthful, I've probably drank more alcohol than he has, as my family is Sicilian and drinking wine is seen as a family activity.
I'm fine with him using weed, as he seems to use it as a coping method of sorts. One thing that sort of (for lack of a better word) "bothers" me, is that when I first started talking with him, he seemed rather set on convincing me that he did not smoke or use weed... but I had my suspicions. He told me that he did over text a few weeks later.
What "bothered" me about this at first, was his seeming lack of trust and fear of judgment from and to me.
My thoughts on his use of weed would be very different he was doing just because it's "cool"... but he's not that sort of kid.
@sheeb,
Can I also just thank all of you that have replied to this so far, I was a bit worried that this would be scoffed at as it is trivial teen drama, but the replies have been really helpful and kind... thank you
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:Besides, regardless of what your grandchildren appear to tell you, pretty much everyone smokes or has at least tried pot. I know my generation did.
as did my grandparents' generation in the 1910/20's
I can't see it as a deal-breaker unless it causes a lifestyle change
Jesus - I just asked her to look at the situation.
Look - high school boys who drink and do drugs are those to avoid, IMHO. They are the wounded birds that hide in substances. They don't grow, emotionally and socially. And, no, not "everyone" smokes pot in high school.
I got involved with and married one of the school's "bad boys" and lived to regret it. Had someone just asked me to look at the situation, a lot of heartache might have been avoided.
@PUNKEY,
I didn’t say everyone. I said pretty much everyone.
And definitely no, not everyone who has some drinks or smokes some pot is a wounded bird or emotionally immature. Some are, and more than likely it’s because of pre-existing ****.
The vast majority of teens experiment and experience alcohol and harmless weed as part of growing up. They drink some, smoke some pot with friends, and are totally fine.
Then they become adults who safely drink within comfortable limits and have the occasional joint in the evenings or weekends.
@PUNKEY,
PUNKEY wrote:
Jesus - I just asked her to look at the situation.
Look - high school boys who drink and do drugs are those to avoid, IMHO. They are the wounded birds that hide in substances. They don't grow, emotionally and socially. And, no, not "everyone" smokes pot in high school.
I got involved with and married one of the school's "bad boys" and lived to regret it. Had someone just asked me to look at the situation, a lot of heartache might have been avoided.
In that case, the 'drugs' and/or the 'drinking' should count as a red flag, one flag among a fair few(truancy, his/her social circle, petty theft etc.) more that should become obvious if you are close to said person. Judging a person solely based on what he smokes/drinks - under the caveat that he doesn't overindulge in either of course - is not very productive indeed. The OP seems to have a good idea about what he is like, and the weed smoking is just mentioned in afterthought.
These are young persons - what? 16, 17? (Anyone driving yet?)
Time will tell ....
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace