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20 something and confused

 
 
Reply Mon 20 Nov, 2017 04:56 pm
So, I’m 20 and at university. I’ve never had a boyfriend and, as I’m writing this, my flatmate literally just said as she’s on her way to a night out: ‘make sure you keep a condom in my room.’

I’m a sexually FRUSTRATED person. If I could, I would have sex with pretty much any guy I fancied enough on a weekly basis to keep myself content and I really don’t give a **** if I know them.

My body, however, seems to disagree.

Having never been in a relationship before, the first time I had sex was a one night stand. I didn’t tell the guy, but I think he figured it out eventually.

That makes 3 times all in all, with each being as unsatisfactory as the last. The guys really tried to get me wet down there, but I just can’t. Does anyone else in my situation know what I’m going through and is there something wrong with me? I want to sort this out soon...
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Mon 20 Nov, 2017 05:07 pm
@Anon12345,
This will be harsh. You have been warned.

Maybe you're having problems relaxing during sex because you're having meaningless sex with guys who you have no relationship with and no connection to.

Here's an idea. Make friends. Male friends. Female friends. Old, young, middle. At the university, and not. Start to make connections with your fellow human beings instead of throwing yourself into bed with semi-random semi-strangers, hoping for a mercy ****.

In the meantime, learn how to pleasure yourself if you don't know already. Take a look at the Savage Love column (https://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/columns/savage-love) as there may be something in there and it would be a lot more reliable than just Googling and hoping for the best.

When you know how to please yourself, you're less likely to be sexually frustrated, you'll be better at communicating your needs to others, and hopefully you'll be more selective when it comes to your future sex partners.
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Mon 20 Nov, 2017 05:11 pm
May I suggest that you are going about this backwards?

You will "get wet" when you get turned on. You will get turned on when you have interaction with someone whom you find nice, cute interesting and have spent some time with. When you spend some time with this person you will develop emotional connection and want to get close to him, physically and mentally. He will feel the same way.

So you need to get out there and look for this person and first develop a friendship and then develop a deeper connection. It takes time.

Your roommate sounds desperate.
0 Replies
 
Anon12345
 
  1  
Reply Mon 20 Nov, 2017 05:16 pm
@jespah,
Thank you for your response, and although I agree with about 49% of what you just said, I think the rest of it is utter bullshit.

I have friends, MALE friends. (Maybe your wording was just a little harsh) I know how to pleasure myself. I’m not someone who’s never looked at their own anatomy chilling behind a computer all day. I get out there whenever I can, and maybe I just have low self esteem. And ‘mercy ****’? It’s tough enough being surrounded by sexually experienced people my age and feeling out of place, let alone havinf other people on forums making me feel like even more of a loser.

So thanks for your input, and it’s been duly noted.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Mon 20 Nov, 2017 05:23 pm
@Anon12345,
I apologize. The 'mercy ****' comment was wrong and I shouldn't have posted it.

Be that as it may (and of course I had no idea about the rest of it until you mentioned it), you're not a loser. But you're still not going about the whole dating/sex thing well at all. It doesn't have to be the 1950s all over again, but honestly, you're jumping into bed and it doesn't seem that's happening with too much forethought.

Want a boyfriend? You know, you can ask one of your male friends out, if you find him attractive. Or ask if someone knows someone.

If low self-esteem is hampering your enjoyment of life, consider getting counseling. Get some tools for shoring yourself up. You're at a university; you're obviously a person of intelligence. I'm sure there are many other positive things about you but if your inner monologue is making you forget those things, then you might want to talk to an impartial professional about how to do something about that.
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Mon 20 Nov, 2017 05:28 pm
Go to your local drug store and in the personal hygiene department , there are many vaginal moisturzers and jellies you can choose from, over the counter. These can be inserted at any time. Some couples massage each other with baby oil or coconut oil.

0 Replies
 
najmelliw
 
  2  
Reply Mon 20 Nov, 2017 05:32 pm
@Anon12345,
Anon12345 wrote:

Thank you for your response, and although I agree with about 49% of what you just said, I think the rest of it is utter bullshit.

I have friends, MALE friends. (Maybe your wording was just a little harsh) I know how to pleasure myself. I’m not someone who’s never looked at their own anatomy chilling behind a computer all day. I get out there whenever I can, and maybe I just have low self esteem. And ‘mercy ****’? It’s tough enough being surrounded by sexually experienced people my age and feeling out of place, let alone havinf other people on forums making me feel like even more of a loser.

So thanks for your input, and it’s been duly noted.


All of the above could not be picked up from your opening post, so instead of being offended at an honest answer, you should try and elaborate so people know all the facts. Otherwise, how on earth do you expect to get a good answer?

And, for the record, from my experience, most of the people talking they are so experienced are just posing, especially at that age. So yeah, ignore that topic and just find somebody you actually want to sleep with: that'll probably do the trick. Like jespah said.

0 Replies
 
Anon12345
 
  2  
Reply Mon 20 Nov, 2017 06:14 pm
@jespah,
Thanks for this.

I know I didn’t give much info at the beginning and I do, most of the time, want honest answers. However, this seems a more productive mode of communicaion at the moment, and I’ll definitely take you’re advice on!
Olivier5
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Nov, 2017 12:16 pm
@Anon12345,
It takes some practice too, for some of us. Not everybody is a 'natural' at it. So I wouldn't think too much of your first attempts being unsatisfactory; that's pretty common as these things goes.
0 Replies
 
 

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