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Tue 14 Nov, 2017 04:49 pm
I met someone three years ago through a dating site. We "had chemistry" from the moment we met (his words) but we live two hours apart. So we don't call it a relationship and he's not my "boyfriend". We have each dated other people during this time, but after a few months we are each single again and back to "visiting" each other. Admittedly, whenever we get together, we have sex. I actually thought of myself as his booty call, for lack of better term? Even though I'm two hours away. Recently though, it's a little different. During this summer, we saw each other every weekend. And a couple of weeks ago he came out to stay and helped me with some things around my apartment I couldn't do myself. And then this weekend he stayed, and for the first time we didn't have sex while he was here. We get along great, spend lots of time talking, we sometimes go out to eat (dinner or breakfast) but I refuse to call those dates. And we admit we care about each other, but we are still in undefined cycle. I think he is aware I want more, although it's been over a year since I tried saying so. But in the past six months or so, he has done little things that I want to hope mean he's maybe coming around? I must say that I am not willing to come out and ask him - because the last time I did (as previously mentioned) he seemed to distance himself for a while, and I'm not ready to risk scaring him off again. Is it possible, after three years, he's starting to see us being something more?
@WAI213,
I realize I didn't provide "details" in my original post. As for detail, I can only say... almost three years, we still get together? We NEVER argue... we mutually contribute to time together. I truly think distance is the issue? We are both going on 50 yrs old and "rooted" where we are. I mean, c'mon, it's a financial concern as much as location? Just wondering how long would any man drive 2 hours regularly to see someone? And if he does... why... if it's "just sex"? Really trying to understand, and I have no idea what he's thinking.
Three years and he drives 2 hours to see you - and he gets scared when it's suggested that there be something more?
He may just be satisfied with status quo and that's all it's ever going to be
OR
There's something stopping him from moving into something more. Realky, after 3 years, what do you know about him?
Decide if you can be satisfied with what you get or build up the courage to force the issue and talk about the future. Worse case scenario is that you find someone else who can fill in that last gap. You are still young.
@PUNKEY,
Thank you. Truth is hard to hear sometimes, and people close to me don't want to say anything that might hurt? But, on one point? I know alot about him? Doesn't change where we are. :/ Thanks for your input!
@WAI213,
11/24 *UPDATE
He visited both weekends following my original post. I didn't see him this past weekend simply because of the holiday; he knew my children were coming to stay with me... But he text Thursday to wish me a happy Thanksgiving - Friday to ask if the kids would be staying ALL weekend (otherwise I'm SURE he'd have asked if I wanted to see him) - and yesterday he messaged just to "chat" about how we each spent the last couple of days. We have never really communicated on a daily basis until now (which is just 3 days in a row, but still new); and we don't really have a messaging session for the purpose of just talking about how our weekends went. Also, for the first time pretty much ever, he mentioned a book he read and that he might get it for me for Christmas? He has NEVER - Never referred to "FUTURE plans" like this, even though it's just a month away. At best we've planned a day in advance to see each other, but for the most part its an afternoon text to see if he can visit that evening. He also said yesterday that he's not used to being home all weekend. Why say that, unless he wanted me to know he didn't go out? He's not obligated to tell me how he spends any of his time when we aren't together. Just adding these mundane points; because these are very subtle tiny differences I am noticing in his behavior. Little changes that I want to mean there's more, and have to talk myself out of. Any opinion would be appreciated. Still wondering if he has "caught feelings".
@WAI213,
Sure sounds like it. He's dropping hints that you are becoming important to him. Keep up whatever you are doing. Good luck.
@PUNKEY,
Thank you! I think I'm actually beginning to feel more optimistic. He checked on me today while he was on lunch and once he got home, he asked if I wanted to see him this weekend. We are set for Friday. And yes, I'm taking your advice and continuing on as I have, since there seems to be positive things happening and I've not forced the "talk" on him. Maybe eventually we'll talk about what we're doing / where we are going - because he wants to discuss it.
@WAI213,
I continue to seek other opinions because I'm so biased and immersed in this... thing.
I can't even explain how much I want him, and any little conceived action - be the sign I've waited for. And there's very little input/reply here.
@WAI213,
What other advice is there? You have two choices, to say something or to not say something to him. You don't want to have the talk so I guess you wait it out.