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Sat 11 Nov, 2017 06:32 pm
Hi i wanted to enquire whether i’m on my own when it comes to day to day relationships .
Over the years i’ve acquired various good friends, and still speak to close friends fairly regularly, although i’ve moved house lately with my wife,so i’m not as close to some, as far a geographical distance is concerned these days, and live with my wife in what is a subdued social scene, i don’t go drinking or partying like i did when i was younger, so homelife is just that, home, work, go for meals walks etc but nothing too outgoing these days.
Recently took on a new job for the money really, it’s not my thing but need money for the bills, i work with a broad mix of people, a lot i have nothing in common with really, first few weeks go ok as far as doing the job is concerned.
After a few weeks it becomes evident a couple of the women workers quite like me, it gets to the point where i have had to explain i’m married, so i’m not interested, if i wasn’t married maybe i’d be different, but i am and going by past mistakes i’m keen not to make the same mistakes as i have in the past .
Cut a long story short, the women after getting to know them, are wearing,the men i work with are house husbands work is they’re life they live for the routine of work, i wouldn’t mind but it’s repetitive boring work.
I just find myself not liking anyone, the women, the men, i question in my mind
the existence and lives of some of these people and my own now.
In my 20-30’s i’d meet people and find something about them interesting enough to make friends with people, but on the whole now i just don’t like people, i know it sounds awful but i don’t, it’s very rare i meet anyone i like and i think it shows sometimes.
Do other people struggle with people and relationships as they get older ? or am i just a judgemental ageing miserable git, who can’t accept differences in people and have little tolerance for them ? maybe it’s an age thing .
@MDMX ,
Or, you could actively seek people who you think would interest you. Want to meet intellectuals? Then head back to college, even if you just audit a class here and there. Want to meet people who are into fitness? Then join a gym. Want to meet people who like sports? Then join a local league or at least go to a sports bar on occasion. Want to meet people who like the arts? Then get yourself a subscription to the next season of the local community theater or buy a membership to a museum and use it, or take an art class, or try your hand at stand up.
In short, don't behave as if you're supposed to be some sort of magnet for awesome people. Because when you don't make an effort in that area, you're hardly a magnet; you're more like iron filings.
So you don't love the people you work with. Well, okay; I only sometimes make friends with the people I work with and I'm sure that's true about most folks. But you see, when you go out of your way to have a social life that isn't work-dependent, then you stop caring about whether your coworkers are people you want to be pals with. Be cordial, of course, and absolutely be a team player. But you don't have to buddy up with anyone from work if you don't want to. And don't paint the entire human race with the broad brush of your interactions with your colleagues.
@jespah,
Indeed thanks for the pointers, i never really considered actively seeking out like minded people or groups, mainly because i don’t really class myself in any one particular realm as a person,so would find it hard to pinpoint types,or groups, i consider to be similar to myself, i just find it hard to gel with people these days, and find myself critical of people once i get to know them, i think this could be me rather than them in all honesty.
I’m not sure what the answer is.
Thanks for the reply .
@MDMX ,
MDMX wrote:
Indeed thanks for the pointers, i never really considered actively seeking out like minded people or groups, mainly because i don’t really class myself in any one particular realm as a person,so would find it hard to pinpoint types,or groups, i consider to be similar to myself, i just find it hard to gel with people these days, and find myself critical of people once i get to know them, i think this could be me rather than them in all honesty.
I’m not sure what the answer is.
Thanks for the reply .
It seems that you are self aware enough to realize part of the problem may lie with yourself, and that is a good thing. In my opinion, it's entirely normal that you change over the course of your life, and when you are more firmly rooted in your own mindset in terms of outlook of life, it becomes much harder to listen to people advocating a different point of view with an open mind.
So if you want to make friends, try a few of the options Jespah already mentioned. Try to engage in conversation about what not with an open mind, and just be aware that people might be great friend material, even if their opinions differ on certain aspects. If you talked to someone a couple of times and you (still) haven't found any reason to become anything more than casual acquaintances, find somebody else to talk to.
Good luck!
@najmelliw,
I would also add - you can classify yourself in more than one group. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Engineers can be athletes. Carpenters can be comedians.
Thanks Jespah it’s not that i’m longing to make friends i’m not, i’m more concerned with that itself really, becoming more insular, trust issues etc i find aspects of my life i’d like to change, but in today’s social media world ( which my life can revolve around without going into detail ) i find myself pulling away from many .
Appreciate the advise . x
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