What is going on with my ex-FWB?

Reply Sat 4 Nov, 2017 03:21 pm
So I have always had a thing for this girl's mother that I knew. I have wanted her since I was 16, and she confessed the same to me. She waited until I was 18 and we hooked up, but didn't have sex because she didn't want to move too fast since I was her youngest. We got into a fight when it almost leaked out and stopped talking. We reconnected this year. 11 years later, here we are. I am now 29, and she is 49, and when we patched things up, she admitted she still had a thing for me, so we made it happen. The sex was amazing.

She texted me that night telling me how much she enjoyed it and was so happy we did it. She said we have great chemistry, and I am very intimate and affectionate with her. We texted everyday, until she said she thought this over again and said she didn't want to be a hookup. She said we got it out of our systems and it's done.

We kept in touch, and towards the end of April, had me go to her job for dinner. We joked about me staying over, but I could tell she wanted it. She texted me once she was out of work and told me to come over, so I did, and we had sex. The next morning we did it again. When I left, she texted me telling me how great of a time we had, and she loved my affection, and how I held her all night. Things were going so well that it felt like we were dating. Cooking each other breakfast, texting all day, even bringing me lunches to work. she always told me to visit her at her job. She started to call me her baby boy. I even hung out at her house when she wasn't home.

Two weeks into it she said we can't continue this fling because it can't be serious, and she said it can't be because of our age difference, and me knowing her daughter. Then we went back on for one more week and then she said it had to stop for the same reason. Yet she wanted to keep in touch and be friends and hangout, so we kept in touch. I went two weeks without texting her, and once I talked to her again she responded immediately, and wanted to go out for dinner. She even told me how we were both at the same beach on the same day and how she didn't see me anywhere and looked for me.

So I tried taking her out but she keeps saying she's busy. When I tried setting a date, no answer. I finally asked her what's up, and if she actually wants to hang out. She said she thought about it and said it isn't a good idea to hang out because I have too much tension built up. she says the fling lasted too long, although it was for like 2 weeks. Then she said I can't handle flings because I'm not letting this go, and I'm too "fragile" to do one. All I was doing was calling her out for flaking on me. She says we can be friends but we can't hangout. Yet a week later, we were talking and flirting like we never fought.

At this point, I was already beginning to move on and live my life, so I continued to do so. I have lost 116 lbs since 2014, and women definitely notice it now. So I have gotten back into the dating world and have gone on a few dates and started talking to other women. I ran into a woman from my past who has said mean and disgusting comments about my weight before in the past, who suddenly thinks I am attractive. It **** me off, so I wrote a status on FB about how classic people in our society behave and shared me experience.

She comes out of nowhere and comments saying I sound harsh and that people like a mixture of personality and looks. I defended and explained why I felt the way I did, which caused my post to go viral because she kept commenting. The next day she told me she felt like the post was directed towards her, as well as a bunch of my previous ones. None of my posts were about her at all, especially the one she commented on. She wouldn't even tell me which previous posts she claims were about her. No matter how much I explained myself, she didn't believe me. We fought for 4 days about this.

At one point, I told her this was ridiculous, and asked how would she like it if I came at her like that and accused her statuses being about me, and used a few as examples. She ended up getting mad and decided to unfriend me and block me. We fought some more, and then apologized. However, she said she can't have me as a FB friend anymore because she said she can't take another day of seeing my statuses and wondering if they're about her. She also said we didn't have to keep in touch. A week later, we are once again talking like we never fought. A few weeks go by and she was ignoring me.

Then one day we talked, and I said something that rubbed her the wrong way. She told me she was going to block my number. By the time I saw that text, two hours had passed. I called her number and she didn't block me! I left her a voicemail telling her this arguing is getting out of hand and there is no need for it.

At this point, I realized I needed to confess my feelings for her, since we kept getting caught in a crazy cycle. So I texted her and told her how I truly felt a week later. Two days went by and no response, so I figured she ended up blocking me after all. Yet it rang and went to voicemail normally. A few minutes later, she texted me claiming she forgot to block me the day she said and was doing it now, and this time, she did.

Well God must be **** at me or something, because I just can't catch a break. This past weekend, I was at a bar for a Halloween event with some friends. At one point in the night, I noticed she was there too. She chose to end it, mainly due to the age difference. Once she noticed me, she began to dance with some random guy standing by himself. I didn't let it phase me because I was there to enjoy the night with my friends. One of my friends noticed she was periodically looking at me making sure I had a view of this. when I danced with someone and she noticed, she got closer to the guy. She kept glancing over and then at one point started to kiss him. They made out a few times. Towards the end of the night, my friends noticed they were chatting and then both looked in our direction for a few seconds, and then looked away.

He then left her by herself on the dancefloor once the night was over and went over to meet up with his friends. As we were leaving, she frantically grabbed her stuff and ran over to him. I found it funny, but at the same time, very disgusting and immature. She was the one who said we had to stop. She created this push/pull dynamic with me before decided to block all communications with me. So if it's been over and done with and she doesn't want anything, why try to make me jealous?

Not only did it not work on me, but when you're done with someone, you're done. Unless I did her dirty and she wanted to get revenge, I just don't see why the need to act like this. I have bumped into exes and even ex-FWBs at bars and clubs before, and none of them have acted like this.

Can someone explain to me what the hell happened in all of this? I knew what this was the whole time, regardless if I developed feelings. I followed her lead.

Any advice would be great. Thank you.

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Reply Sat 4 Nov, 2017 04:18 pm
She is super-flaky. You say she's 49? She's acting like she's 9.

You dodged a bullet. Forget about her as well as you can and live your life with a circle of friends that does not include her.
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Reply Sat 4 Nov, 2017 09:46 pm
She doesn't know what she wants. So she's acting out.

Best to let her go. With your new-found look and attitude, you must now look past all that happened before and get out with people your own age.

Reply Sat 4 Nov, 2017 10:48 pm
I got that feeling as well. I'm not going to chase her. My friend said she'll probably contact me.
Reply Sun 5 Nov, 2017 04:11 am
Of course she will (contact you) That's been the pattern of your relationship.

What do you want out of all this?

She has decided that she can't give to you what you want at 29. Public dating, commitment, possibly marriage? Kids, etc. some day?

Not with her. You know that anyway.

Change your patterns. Avoid where she might be. Don't go to the same bars. Make a real effort to date a lot.

Some day you will look at this and realize that it was an intense fling, but doomed from the start.

Reply Sun 5 Nov, 2017 10:18 am
Part of me didn't think she would since she blocked my number. Part of me thinks it really is done, another part feels she will reach out to me. I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but I want her.
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Reply Sun 5 Nov, 2017 10:39 am
Your OP reads like she's pretty desperate and you're willing to accept whatever she'll give you.


You aren't a child.

You are an adult.

Time to get serious thinking about what you want from life - to make some long-term plans. **** buddies have their place but not when they are interfering with development of your long-term life plan.

A flaky **** buddy? not the best option. If you want a **** buddy in your life, try to set up with one who isn't flaky.
Reply Sun 5 Nov, 2017 10:55 am
She definitely doesn't know what she wants. It feels like it's done, but people say she'll come back. I'm just confused about all of this.
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