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Sat 4 Nov, 2017 07:01 am
A while ago, i went upto visit my family (i'm 17) it was a gathering for my uncles wifes birthday, and when i went that i was reunited with my cousin, i only have ever met her once before this, and i remember feeling a strongly strange feeling in my heart towards here, and it was deep. She was s nice to me and i felt like so different. And i was deliberately trying to impress her and sorta make her talk to me, that night, we had a party outside with everyone 30+ people, and i sat away from here, i deliberately felt like making contact because i was really obsessed with her talking to me, and connecting with me, i than deliberately moved over a while later became i got food over my spot (other cousin) so i toom that's as a chance to move over next to her, i felt deeply in love with her in a strange way, but i sorta denided it mentally, we than shared a drink together ( alcoholic) and we talked so much and i felt so like my world was completely around her. And we followed each other around and i couldn't leave her side (i couldn't stop looking at her or trying to be closer). later, we went around the front of the house and sat together on the porch chairs which were a long swing bed. And i was really close to her, and i remember feeling so different, i litterally felt so deeply in love and that it was a extremely strong connection i had made with her, she made me s happy and i forgot about everything else around me except her at the time, she was all i could think about. We got really close. And a while later we went next door to get food (a house next door our family was staying in because next door is my uncles house) and i remember just being so emotional into her like it was a magical dream and i was i heaven, i was obsessed with her. And she even charged her phone and all, and in the door way she hugged me( and i felt the adrenaline rush thorough me and i couldn't let go) After we went back to the porch and sat again, video calling my freinds with her and stuff, making fun of my mates just to talk to her, and than she got really close to me, and i remember litterally being in a extremely strong state of mind because i was deeply in love with her, and i remember just looking at her why her face is close to me, and just wanting to go for it and kiss her on thr lips with everything, i was feeling like doing it so bad i even remember daydreaming it in my head while it was happening than we kept talking and all, she did kiss me on thr cheek early( in a cutr funny way and i really did enjoy it deep down so bad, its all i wanted) and than we all left and all. She even put me as her profile photo we did heaps together, so did i. And when we left i starred at her with sadness that we had to go now as i watched her through the window.
Later we were talking on the phone, and relationships came up in conversation, and she said theres this guy (didn't happen shrs still single) and when shr said it i remember feeling so emotional shocked and jealous and depressed at thr same time, i was so upset like i couldn't process it in my head because it was so upsetting.
And recently she posted on Instagram, and i couldn't stop looking at thr picture because I'm so in love with her and sexually on the most deepest level that i can't even feel better without her, I even am writing a song about her, and when ever i look at her i just wanna make love to her, because I'm so emotionally into her because shes touched me.I've even masturbated to her pictures keeping thinking about sex with her
Please help me because tbh i do wanna be with her
@havooks,
She your first cousin? Then in most parts of the world, forget it.
Also recognize that you get kisses and hugs from family because they're family. Not because there is anything behind it.
@jespah,
Shes not my 1st cousin, she's technically half blood 2nd cousin
@jespah,
jespah wrote:She your first cousin? Then in most parts of the world, forget it.
I wouldn't say that. Rather the opposite. Less than half the US States ban first cousin marriage, and much of the rest of the world allows it.
@centrox,
Oh, thanks. That's what I get for reeling stuff off.
That isn't to say that cousin marriage isn't frowned on by some people where it it is legal. Not necessarily by just the parents. I quite fancied my own cousin when I was 19, but we both decided we didn't want each other's aunts and uncles as in-laws. I once read about an uncle and niece in England. They were the same age, and met not knowing they were related. They had been living together for some years when they found out. To keep living together as a couple they had to move to Belgium. The attitude in Britain towards such a relationship would have been very negative. I was surprised that there was anywhere their relationship was legal. Laws about incest in general vary widely. In Cote d'Ivoire, anything goes, but in Zimbabwe, incest gets the death penalty, out to 4th cousins. Anything is legal in China, France, Belgium and Luxembourg.
@centrox,
That’s really interesting.
Havooks,
You should back off on the EXTREME love talk.
You have a crush. Love at first sight for a pretty girl. Fantasy. All not unusual for a 17 year old.
You don't say if she felt the same or where she lives (near you?) or what your family culture would say about this relationship.
You have already some questions about it. Find out before you drive yourself crazy.
@centrox,
centrox wrote:
That isn't to say that cousin marriage isn't frowned on by some people where it it is legal. Not necessarily by just the parents. I quite fancied my own cousin when I was 19, but we both decided we didn't want each other's aunts and uncles as in-laws. I once read about an uncle and niece in England. They were the same age, and met not knowing they were related. They had been living together for some years when they found out. To keep living together as a couple they had to move to Belgium. The attitude in Britain towards such a relationship would have been very negative. I was surprised that there was anywhere their relationship was legal. Laws about incest in general vary widely. In Cote d'Ivoire, anything goes, but in Zimbabwe, incest gets the death penalty, out to 4th cousins. Anything is legal in China, France, Belgium and Luxembourg.
I looked up the incest laws article on wiki. Haven't read the whole thing, but it France it states it's prohibited in the case of rape or the abuse of a minor.
This brings me to my question/comment. Honestly? I don't know how I feel about this, and would welcome input.
You mentioned cousins that had not realized that they were related.
Where do you draw the line as far as case where neither party had been aware of a relationship, and had been having a relationship that would be considered stable and long term. I don't know how I would define that as far as a time frame. This would be under a stipulation that the 2 people would have no children (or any more children), undergo verifiable sterilization, therapy to determine the emotional/mental health of the parties, etc.
Siblings? Parent and child?
Supposing there was no power dynamic of one person over the other, no chance of children (or more than they might already have), and the parties are able to adjust to this shocking information, what dangers are there?
I know there is a visceral reaction, I'm just putting it out there for discussion.
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:You mentioned cousins that had not realized that they were related.
They weren't cousins, which would have been legal in Britain, and not caused very much comment, if any. The were uncle and niece, which is illegal in Britain, but not in many European countries.
The girl was born to a teenage mother, aged about 14, in the 1960s. She was cared for by foster parents and completely lost touch with her birth mother.
The boy, her uncle, was the brother of the teenage mother, born in the same year as the girl. He did not know his older sister had had a child. The couple met by chance in a town 50 miles away from their birthplace.
Quote:Where do you draw the line as far as case where neither party had been aware of a relationship, and had been having a relationship that would be considered stable and long term. I don't know how I would define that as far as a time frame. This would be under a stipulation that the 2 people would have no children (or any more children), undergo verifiable sterilization, therapy to determine the emotional/mental health of the parties, etc.
You can read stuff about the genetic dangers, such as they are. I don't find the idea "evil" or even particularly shocking. I think close relatives probably ought to be ruled out - siblings, parent/child of course. Even if incest were legal I would definitely have looked outside the family home, because for me growing up meant leaving the nest. Hooking up with a close relative would destroy that for both of them.
@havooks,
havooks wrote: (i'm 17)
that night
i was really obsessed with her
i felt deeply in love with her in a strange way,
i litterally felt so deeply in love
i was obsessed with her.
i was deeply in love with her
And recently she posted on Instagram, and i couldn't stop looking at thr picture because I'm so in love with her and sexually
I've even masturbated to her pictures keeping thinking about sex with her
you are a teenager who has a crush on someone they met briefly
the two of you don't actually know each other well and don't live near each other so likely won't have a chance to get to know each other
__
will you be going away to school in the next couple of years? that would be a good opportunity to get to know some women in real life and to learn about how relationships start and develop
focus on meeting people who are local to you
Quote:how do i tell my cousin that im depply in love with her?
you don't
you don't know her
you've got a crush on her, which is not the same thing as being in love
@centrox,
That's not what I was proposing centrox.
Where do you draw the line as far as case
where neither party had been aware of a relationship, and had been having a relationship that would be considered stable and long term. I don't know how I would define that as far as a time frame.
This would be under a stipulation that the 2 people would have no children (or any more children), undergo verifiable sterilization, therapy to determine the emotional/mental health of the parties, etc.
So, genetic dangers wouldn't be in the picture.
I also wasn't talking about seeking out a relative. I was pondering whether people who had been unaware, but later found out after being paired for a good amount of time.
Should they be forced apart, even if there wasn't a chance of them reproducing?
Are left to live their lives in a relationship they had found satisfactory? I'm talking about close relatives, like siblings or parent/adult child.
Probably fairly rare, but it probably happens more than we realize, and they just never know it.
If I found out today my husband was my brother, or father, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to visualize it that way. He'd be my husband.
If we were dating, that would be different.
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:Where do you draw the line as far as case where neither party had been aware of a relationship, and had been having a relationship that would be considered stable and long term.
Do you mean if it were me? I found out my wife or partner was a relative? In that case, which is severely hypothetical, I guess I would feel weird if they were closer than 1st cousin. Uncle or aunt would be excluded too for me. As for other people in general, I feel that the legislation in the UK is OK as it stands: "Sex with an adult who is related as parent (including adoptive parent), grandparent, child (including adopted child), grandchild, brother, sister, half-brother, half-sister, uncle, aunt, nephew or niece is illegal". I might allow uncle/aunt/niece/nephew.
Quote:This would be under a stipulation that the 2 people would have no children (or any more children), undergo verifiable sterilization, therapy to determine the emotional/mental health of the parties, etc
If the relationship was not excluded by the restrictions I mentioned above, I don't really see the need for all that.
Quote:Should they be forced apart, even if there wasn't a chance of them reproducing?
No.
Quote:Are left to live their lives in a relationship they had found satisfactory? I'm talking about close relatives, like siblings or parent/adult child.
Siblings are more likely to be of similar age. A parent is going to be separated from a potential son or daughter partner by at least 12-16 years. I think if they didn't have children, I'd leave them alone.
Thanks. Yeah I was meaning the general “you”.
Just curious how others see it.
There is such a gut/visceral reaction to the thought of incest. I have it too. There are to me reasons for my reaction that I can’t explain, besides the obvious inequality of power, chances of inbreeding and birth defects. I guess I’m trying to define to myself the reason for this innate feeling of wrongness.
Maybe it’s not being able to shake of the feelings of it happening against one of the parties will. Just the word incest is hard to think of, since there’s this assumption the parties know each other.
Funny you should mention 12 to 16 years. There were 16 years between me and my first husband, and there’s 12 years between me and the man I’ve been married to for about 25 years. I’ve never noticed the age difference. Neither one of them did/do either. Then again, I wasn’t a very young woman the first time I married, and a few years difference matters less when you’re not a kid.
I wonder what is the more powerful negative feeling towards incest is? The reproduction or the power difference? Something else?
It’s only been recently that any type of reliable means of preventing children has been available, and in the not so recent past evolutionary wise speaking, that 12 to 16 years was the difference between a person who has been an adult for some time, and someone nearly on their deathbed.
Neither applies anymore.
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:There is such a gut/visceral reaction to the thought of incest.
It seems to vary between cultures, and between individuals. I personally don't feel a "visceral" reaction to the idea of incest, if by that you mean that if I read about a case in the newspaper, I think "Oh God! How horrible!" I just feel a kind of blank non-reaction. Personally, the idea of having sex with my mother, sister, daughter or niece is a kind of null, a non-starter. It just wouldn't occur to me. I do have strong feelings about some kinds of transgressive sexual activity, where cruelty, coercion or abuse are involved. Some of them are familial, others not.
Quote:Funny you should mention 12 to 16 years.
Just simple arithmetic. If a person were to have an incestuous relationship with a parent, for it to be possible they would have to be separated by at least the number of years equal to the onset of puberty. There are plenty of successful non-incestuous relationships where the age gap is that great, though. I daresay Freud had something to say about that.
@havooks,
Why bother to come online and ask for any advice if you're going to reject it (and so rudely)?
It's just a crush. Find someone who isn't remotely related. We've all had such crushes. Most likely in a month or so you'll focus on someone else and wonder what you were thinking.
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