How to not think about sad things when you are still alone.

You are putting yourself in a difficult situation. You are making your happiness dependent on a boyfriend or girlfriend. There are two problems with that, romantic relationships are difficult anyway... you can't just magically snap your fingers into a good relationship. To make things worse, being unhappy makes it more difficult to be in a good relationship.

As far as getting a boyfriend or girlfriend (at least a good, long-term relationship), you have to be patient. Spend a lot of time meeting people, doing fun things until you find someone where there is a spark.

If you are feeling sad all of the time, you might be suffering from depression. It wouldn't hurt to go talk to a therapist. Other things that help are getting exercise, being good to yourself, and getting out with friends.

I think you should separate the two feelings. Putting yourself out socially, developing friendships and doing things you enjoy with other people will help on both of these things.

Thanks for your advice. I know it will take some time to get someone. I want to ask what do you mean by being good to myself. Can you explain this to me though.

By being good to yourself, I mean to do the things that make you happy and healthy.

If you are feeling sad for a long period of time, it might be that there is something that you need to address. I was serious about therapy, if you are feeling depressed... talking to a therapist might be the most helpful thing you can do.

Being good to yourself means finding things that make you happy, and then doing them. If you like hiking, then go hiking. If you like to cook, then find friends to cook for. One of the challenges of being depressed is that it isolates you. Making an effort to do thinks you like with other people is a really good thing to do.

In modern life, dating is an on or off thing. I think most of us go through periods of not having any relationship. It is normal to feel lonely, but it is a part of the society we live in. That doesn't mean that we can't enjoy doing the other things that make us happy.

My first question is why you finding someone else so important to your happiness? I can understand if you were in a relationship that you might be sad. It is normal when a relationship ends (for whatever reason to be sad) – you are mourning this relationship. If this is the case then you will feel better after some time. Spend time with friends and doing things you enjoy. You will find that soon you will not be sad about it anymore.

But being sad simply because you do not have a significant other is not good. Your happiness should not be dependent on another person. The best advice for this – is focus on things you enjoy doing. If you like the outdoors – go hiking, biking, join outdoor group. If you like cooking – take some cooking classes. Immerse yourself in things you enjoy.

Don’t worry about meeting another person – focus on you and what you like. This will give you much more happiness. Meeting someone else will come more naturally and not be forced. You will also more likely meet someone with similar interests that might result in someone you are compatible with.

(funny after I wrote this – I see the other poster had almost the same types of potential interests that I mentioned)

You seem lonely. Wanting someone special in your life is very common. The question is: how does that happen?

Love doesn't come knocking on the door. You have to go look for it.

Think of what you like. If it's donuts, then hang out at a donut shop or take a baking class.

Get the idea?

What yourself means not being harshly critical of your decisions or your actions. Being supercritical is unnecessary and unproductive. Self awareness and insight come with experience, maturity and time.

Self treat your exercise be involved with activities that are just about finding a love interest but running yourself out to more of the fun activities to do.

I had a sad relationship before so I want to find someone who is right for me ya. Do you think if that makes sense. I will try find things I like to do though. Thanks for the advice.

Thanks. I will try that. I am kind of alone so I want to find someone. I think it will take awhile.

I don't really have that many things I like to do though. I will try think. Thanks.

Yes it makes sense.

If it makes you feel better - many of us have been through things like this - I had a relationship I was in for 8 years - realized this really isn't going to go further and I thought we are together more out of habit than anything else.

I meant up with some friends of mine that had moved to various places throughout the country on a ski trip. We had a great time and met all different sorts of people and decided lets invite all these people and have a dinner party - it was great and there were many cute guys. I realized life is too short to just be with someone to be with them.

When I got home I broke up with him. I ended up just having fun doing different things with friends - traveling, took a wine tasting class, a cooking class and just focused on me.

I did end up meeting someone on one of my trips. I wasn't looking for it - just having a good time with my friends and he kept contacting me - we ended up visiting each other and he didn't want to be apart, moved across country for me and we are married now over 20 years.

But you know what - as nice as it is having someone to share things with - I think I would have been happy without a significant other too - I experienced that during that time I was without. There is good and bad about both - so enjoy what is good about being single.

See what is available where you live - try something new; try something you might have been afraid of trying before - you never know what you will end up liking.