How do I help my parents understand?

well first off i would like to welcome you to A2K...

What are someof the things that are causing you to be depressed? have you tried describing some of those things send you to the depths of despression? what do you do during the day? do you have any hobbies? I have never cut myself to release the feelings... i find that writing is a help tool and a great way for me to vent... and when all else fails I like to just scream. but thats just me....

Shanaynay--

Welcome to A2K.

Have you seen this thread?

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=39994

I hope it helps.

seed-
believe me..i have tired writing things down and screaming and crying. but it just doenst work anymore. sure i still cry but it just doenst have the same calming effect as it used to. during the day i go to school (where ALOT of crap happens that gets me feeling the way i do...teachers, stress, just every day life) and on the weekends i go shopping, hang out with friends, do things that teenagers do. and at times doing things keeps my mind off of cutting, but the feelings still there and im not always happy. we all have our different ways of coping with things and this is mine.

this is true... i have a friend of mine who cuts her self... she said she had talked to her mom about it and wanted to go to see someone, but her mom wouldnt let her...

cutting isnt quite the way i would go, but like i said writing is enough for me... i wish i coul dhelp more...

there are people here that can give good soild advice... take it... listen to it... they have heppled me out before

hey shanaynay, welcome to the board

i got to admit, i don't get the whole cutting thing, so my advice would be


stop it


i know easier said then done, but that's the best advice i can give right now

yes easier said then done djjd... almost like telling an over weight person to stop eatting...

djjd...cutting for many is an addiction. its the only way that we cope with things. its the only way we find that state of being calm. its like the way drugs make a person feel. thats it. right there. you cant tell a drug abuser to stop smoking crack or sticking needles in their arms or tell a person with bulemia to stop throwing up. this is how we control how we feel.

my sister has depression as well but she had someone to talk to before it got to the point of where im at. now that she knows how to calm herself down and get through things and has the medication for it shes getting along just fine. but where we live all of our doctors are leaving, so there is no one here. my sister refuses to talk to me right now BECAUSE of this. she made a remark to me tonight about cutting which only makes a person dealing with something like this feel even worse.

Shanaynay--

Please check out the link to the other A2K thread. One of our site experts--a mental health professional-- assembled a lot of web sites with a lot of useful information, including explaining things to parents.

Would it be impossible for you to talk to a professional? Your parents sound concerned for you--they love you.

Unfortunately, they are also worried about themselves and how they could have contributed to your depression and this makes it difficult for you to talk honestly to them.

Saying objectively, "I hurt" is difficult, particularly when someone is standing on your foot.

As for your sister....sisters are like that. She's been the psychologically interesting sibling for awhile and having you demonstrate unhappiness is rattling her cage.

Count on your family for well-meaning love, but talk to your parents about getting professional help.

Good luck.

I strongly recommend professional assistance; doctor, counselor, psychologist, etc.

The best treatment for depression is the combination of anti-depressants and therapy. Both work on different parts of the brain.

And follow Noddy's link.

well considering my parents just found out i dont think they fully understand that its something that NEEDS help but ill have to talk to them

I don't know where anyone spontaneously designated cutting their body as a method of comfort or feeling of control--but, it has definitely caught on.

This is how I see it, 'naynay. A person feels out of control of important aspects of their life. They are absolutely desperate to feel that there is something they can control. So, I guess the second thing you need to do (after the first thing, which is start a conversation with your parents that doesn't end until one of them is on the phone making you an appointment with a therapist) is to confront a few truths about cutting.

Don't pressure yourself to quit immediately, just come to terms with a couple of facts.

Fact #1-- Cutting yourself doesn't change the things in your life that you want to change. Part of your psyche is tricking you into thinking it does. I think you should tell yourself this a couple of times a day--especially when you feel the urge to cut. Don't fuss at yourself, or feel guilty--but DO acknowledge to yourself that cutting is not and can not solve anything for you.

Fact #2-- May seem trivial, but cutting yourself may very easily result in a blood stream infection or disease that may screw your health up. It is hazardous.

Fact #3-- Human beings progress physically, emotionally, mentally... When someone chooses a dysfunctional way to deal with life-- not only are they headed off in the wrong direction (which likely will end them up at an undesired 'destination'), but they are blocking their natural, healthy human development. Since you're "hiding out" from life with cutting, you have stunted your emotional growth. You need to grow.

Fact #4-- You need to admit to yourself that you are strong enough to face life without that crutch. Your therapist will be very helpful in helping you identify healthy, self-confident ways to address stress and problems.

Fact #5-- You will be OK.

Make getting a therapist your top priority. If your parents don't have adequate insurance or much money, you can use your community mental health center--or if there is a University close by, they may have a psychology department--and free student therapy.

It will make a huge difference.

Grrl power!

I read back and see you asked us how to make your parents understand.

Not much is known about cutting in the general population, so I guess they don't have a reference for how very serious it is.

Maybe this will work. Use anorexia to explain it. There's been more about anorexia in the media--so maybe this will give you a reference they can grasp.

Tell them that cutting may start off as a choice for you--but under some circumstances, most specifically if the source of the emotional problem isn't addressed, it can escalate--and you could lose the ability to stop. You're then looking at a life-threatening habit.

Tell them you know you need professional help. Tell them you know they love you, and they wouldn't let you continue to mutilate your body--now that you have asked for their help. Tell them you know you can get better--but it will take someone who can help you reorder your thinking--and some medication to take the edge off while you are in therapy.

Don't stop talking until they agree.

Re: How do I help my parents understand?


These are very common feelings for your parents. It's hard for you to talk about it but that's exactly what your parents (probably particularly your mother) need to do. Talking about it isn't just to help you, although that is her number one goal, it's also to help her. That's why the f&f board is so helpful. We NEED to talk about it. To get info, to try to understand, to learn that we aren't alone, what we can do to help other than trying to force you to talk. We talk to each other.

One thing I notice is that SI is an up and down thing. There will be times when you feel better about things and you don't cut for a while and your parents will think you're 'better' but then you'll have a rough spell and slip and start to si again and it will be like the rug has been pulled out from under them. We all understand the ups and downs - yours and your parents. Right now it sounds like you aren't looking to stop so your position is in direct conflict with your parents. Right now they want to 'fix' things. They can't but they want to. We all start out there. This is all new to them so I hope they come around to the idea of getting you some therapy and getting support for themselves so they can support you.

its so hard for me to even imagine talking ot my parents because i know that thye dont agree with this..as most people dont. but its something that i cant explain to them at this moment. i do this for reasons that i dont even completely understand...i cant put into words how im feeling. if i cant understand it myself then how am i going to tell my parents ... i WANT them to understand but i think i need to take the time to realize to myself what my problem is.

Well, I hate to suggest going this route. Its a last resort--but if you can't speak to your parents--go to the school counselor--and tell them you need help explaining it to your parents.

This way, you'll have an understanding ally, who can better explain the seriousness of the situation to your parents. And, (probably what you need) the counselor takes the burden for the first hard discussion. You will not be pressed for explanations, like they would if it was just you in a private setting.

Anyway. Good luck, sweetie.

(And, with an outsider knowing, your parents may feel more compelled to do what they need to do right away.)

our school counselors arent like that...at least i dont think they are. and plus..i dont think id want to .. their all kinda not helpful. but i talked to my mom a little bit and she knows that im not happy..shes said so. i dont want you all to think that im ALWAYS unhappy..heres how it is. im happy one minute and it could last for a while. but then just like that ill hit a low and its REALLY low. to the point where i just wanna be alone. no one around me. crawl into a ball and die. and it sucks. and people think that im like mad at someone or something but i cant explain to them whats wrong ... so. but just wanted to clear that up.

Shanaynay--

Would you expect to go to Paris and immediately start speaking fluent French, like a native? Of course not.

Whatever the reasons for your depression you are severely depressed. You can't communicate from the World of Depression any more than you're going to wake up tomorrow speaking French.

Counseling will help--you and your mother and the rest of your family.

You're 14--no one expects you to be "finished" yet. People want to help.

Good luck.

im 16 but other than that..youre right

Shanaynay--

Thanks for the forgiveness--you're retaining some balance through your difficult times.