Suddenly Being "Nobody" To Your Ex? (after breakup)

I agree. It almost seems like no one should be forced to be on the receiving end.

When it happened to me I just couldn't understand how she could just toss aside all of our time together and memories and so forth.

I felt like I had wasted so much good time and memories, and I didn't want to have to start over with someone else.

*sigh* Good thing time machines haven't been invented. It would create an entirely new brand of stalking.

when it happened to me in my firsat marriaage, I took it like you, more confused than anything. WHat helped was an immediate turn into another direction. I chose new paths of learning and careers. Ive lived well and have learned the meaning of "getting on with life" My present life with my lovely family is a million times better than I could have ever gotten from my first marriage.
Youll come out the otther side a much happier and wiser person. Dont spend too much time wondering why, you could maybe go and take up entirely new interests and make new friends (they will change also).
as for the child, lett it happen naturally and dont push yourself on the child. Instead focus on your own life and live larger.
Good luck my friend.

There was a book that helped me a great deal after my first breakup many many years ago. "How to Survive the Loss of a Love." Sounds schmalzy but that book stopped me from doing all kinds of really stupid things and covered every emotion, from feelings of suicide and worthlessness to humiliation, blinding anger and fear.
I think amazon.com carries it.

Check this out. It is only a little more than 6 bucks, and from the reviews, people appear to find it very helpful. Good luck!

Link to "How to Survive the Loss of a Love"

Nothing colder than a woman once she gets to that point.....but know that if she thinks you're not effected by it it will drive her crazy......so remember.."whatever happens my toes are tappin'"

same
i feel the same way about men. meet, develope something great then bam it's done and there is nothing just an empty spot....i have become nothing to him.....it's odd don't ya think? after everything you go through together they can just...say done:(

I remember that feeling, yeah. Still kind of weird to not have much contact with him -- part of the problem was that we were each other's everything and so I have this two-year gap where there isn't anyone ELSE I really know from that time. We're in touch, sort of, friendly if not friends, but not close in the least. He's a well-known (not like you'd know him, probably, but regionally) musician so I can Google him now and then if I'm curious as to what he's up to. Like farmerman, I infinitely prefer where I've ended up to where I was, but I do remember that awful feeling of displacement.

That was a lesson well learned, am I right?
Never forsake your own friends, your own life, for another.

Definitely.

It's important to learn from these experiences. To avoid making the same mistakes over and over and over. Many people do but even more people don't.

yes this sucks....i went from having no time at all to having nothing at all to do. I can't wait for work to start back up. At least i can be occupied for 40 plus hours a week

Actually I think complete cut offs are the best way to break up. You'll get over it faster even though it might hurt more in the begining.

Me too.

i am still struggling a bit..... it's been a little over 2 months now and things are better... i don't hurt as much, not nearly as much...i think i am feeling more empty now than anything........i still miss her though.....

guess i'll buy that book..............

thanks for the resonance...
I was just googling around to read about anyone who was trying to figure out break-ups and came across this topic. I thank you because it made me realize other people feel the same strange confusion and difficulty with becoming "nothing" to someone who is still in your thoughts all the time.

I was just dumped by my first brief but serious (for me) love interest since my divorce. We talked daily all fall, shared tons of plans for the future, went on dates (very exciting for a single mom who's been doing kids for 10 years and 2 years on her own)... I was excited but cautious. Not cautious enough, obviously.

It was alwasy a bit of a difficult relationship and towards the end he said several time that he "couldn't" have a physical relationship with me (citing problems getting over his ex-wife), but that he wanted to be friends, and that he was committed to being friends (in the same email where he told me he was seeing someone else). But the reality is, since that email (2 months ago) he has never called or written. Just a big void. I see him often from a distance (I live in a small city and he lives in my neighbourhood) and I really want to be on reasonable terms, so I recently emailed and asked him for a coffee. He agreed and then backed out. And for 2 days I have been devastated all over again. Being over 40, with 3 jobs, 2 kids, no money and no time I don't hold out much hope for the future, but it was like having something you really treasure held under your nose and then snatched away.

I'm going to buy the "How to Get Over The Loss of a Love" book too...

Thanks everyone - it's very comforting to know other people are going through hard times too and that some of you have gone on to better things...

Good luck AR_Man.

Breaking up is always hard, and it's obvious this was all premeditated on your ex's part - whenever she decided it was over [could have been months before the breakup], she was over it. So you had the element of shock when she told you, she had the time to get over it while you were still with her.

What Bi-polar Bear said is true. If she thinks you're off having a good time, it will bother the heck out of her, sort of like "she never was" ... so go have fun, meet new friends, create new avenues for yourself, and enjoy this journey we're all on with you.

Damn, I was hoping there would be more folks input on this topic. I can definitely sympathize with those who have been shut out. Except I was just the shutter. My marriage had gotten so bad , (violent , abusive , drunken wife.) that I couldn't take it any more. The state that I live in requires a year between the formal legal separation and divorce, so we had a lot of time to work things out. In the year we were separated , she started attacking me and not taking any responsibility for her part in our failure.
Once we were finally divorced, I stopped having any contact with her.
She went ballistic. The more I would try to explain to her, the worse she got.
I can understand how a reasonable person would hurt after being rejected. I can see how heartbreaking it is when your partner of X many years suddenly turns tail and heads for the nile. I'm trying to figure out the other side of the equation.
Sorry if this is thread-jacking.

Lion, I'm having a hard time understanding. Are you saying that you were the one who initiated the breakup of your marriage?

eoe,
Yes , I'm Sorry if I didnt make it clear. I was most definitely made the moves to end my marriage. My ex yelled at me as I was driving away... something like don't you ever come back here you ^&$(*&&$# and then started telling all the folks at the bar she haunted that she threw me out ... and I was the one with problems. A BRUTAL year of separation ensued. Once it was finalized... I washed my hands of the whole affair. The problem is... that I would rather make peace with her.
I just don't see how.
I'm not sure I can ever forgive her.
I'm working on it.