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Falling in love with my gay friend

 
 
Majc
 
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2017 11:22 pm
Hi! I need some advice coz lately i realized that im falling in love with my gay friend. We have been friends for three years now and i know he is gay. Btw im a female. I cant stop my feelings. I know i should not feel this way but how could i stop it? We are working in the same place and we have the same group of friends. I dont want tell him my feelings. Like everyone i don want to ruin the friendship we have right now.
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Tue 5 Sep, 2017 06:16 am
@Majc,
Since it's highly likely that this crush (for that's what it is) can't go anywhere, you can always tell him that you care but the truth is, it's not going to turn into anything romantic.

Yes, he might be bi, but if you have seen no indications before of him being bi, then you are not going to magically convince him to become so.

You care about him because he's kind. Because he's your friend. Because he's around.

So you need to start opening up your circle of friends. Not necessarily for dating just yet, but more to get it out there that you want to meet more people. He might know some people, BTW.

Open yourself up to new experiences. Spend time with people who aren't him. This is not to drop him as a friend but more to expand your horizons.

And consider why you are crushing on someone you can never have. It's like crushing on a movie star. You can't realistically assume you're going to have a relationship with a movie star unless you are in the business, and I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that you're not. Think of this the same way.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Sep, 2017 07:38 am
There are lots of kinds of love, but you need to accept that he can't give you what you are looking for in a relationship between a man and woman.

He's unattainable. Is that some of what is attracting you (the challenge?)

WHY and WHAT do you love about him? Find a hetero man that has those qualities.
Majc
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Sep, 2017 10:20 pm
@jespah,
I guess your right. It would be hard for me but i have to. I dont want to see myself devastated because of my feelings for him. Thanks!
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Wed 6 Sep, 2017 06:40 am
@Majc,
Hey, he's a friend and friends are awesome. Smile

PS In college, I had a crush on a guy who turned out to be gay. He was the first person to ever come out to me. I was okay with it, and I turned my attentions elsewhere.

It'll be okay.
yying0303
 
  0  
Reply Tue 10 Oct, 2017 08:27 pm
@PUNKEY,
I agree with you, this kind of love need to be considered more carefully.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Oct, 2017 08:56 pm
@jespah,
jespah wrote:

Hey, he's a friend and friends are awesome. Smile


It'll be okay.


Yeah, it will definately be ok.

My best friend (who is gay) and I have known each other since we were 15, about 43 years ago.

When we were around 20 we got drunk one night, and I made a pass at him. He didn't freak out, just, well I don't remember exactly, but rebuffed my pass. The next day when we saw each other I felt awkward for about 30 seconds, he didn't appear to notice anything was different, so I just forgot about it.

Hey, he's gay. He's most likely had, and will have in the future, someone of another gender confess feelings for him. I would bet he would tell you he feels flattered, but of course didn't feel the same way physically about you.

My feelings are if you're gay or lesbian, you would appreciate your good friends, as they know so many people dislike or even hate them just for being who they are. They aren't going to stop being friends with someone just because there's a temporary chemistry on the other persons part.

It'll be fine.

0 Replies
 
 

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