Am I too much?

You didn't use the word "relationship", but let me explain it. The word seems to have changed into meaning a "thing". Like a girl might say "I am in a 'bad' relationship". Well, that's just it. A relationship is a description of how things (or people) relate to each other. A rose relates to a vase. The vase relates to the rose. They relate to each other because they are what they are.The relationship between two people is a description of how they relate to each other. You pretty much explained it. "...he doesn't seem to get that."
As far as your question "Am I too much?", maybe you are just too much for him. You didn't say how old you are, but you did use the term "boys night".
It sounds like you are just more emotionally advanced than he is.

I know men of 40 who have "boy's nights". Their wives, if they are still around, usually have a miserable look on their faces.

Everything after the "but" negates you saying you have no problem with this.

You do see how that makes no sense, right?

Let's say you nag, or in how you would see it, convince him to curtail his time with his friends.
Yes, he won't resent that much.

Don't you have interests outside of him, friends of your own? You might want to use that time to catch up on a good book, clean the kitchen and bathroom, watch Netflix, practice the bassoon, see your friends, etc.

Yes, you are too much.



Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

~ from The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran

One night a week is not much to ask.

That said, perhaps you aren't communicating what you want very clearly - either to yourself, or to him.

Or perhaps this is simply an incompatibility issue. Just because you love someone (even if you are head over heels in love with them) does not mean they are compatible with you, or your happiness.

The best advice I can give is:
- know, very clearly, what you need in order to be happy in a realtionship (this is different for every person, so asking advice here won't help you with this part)
- stop making excuses for what you need in order to be happy in a relationship (there's a reason it's called a 'need')
- communicate that to him
- always believe his actions over his words. Words can support and enhance their behaviour towards you - if consistent, or they can be lies... but actions always speak the truth. Always believe what the pattern of actions say before anything else.
- make a decision that is good for your long term happiness

Thank you for responding. I usually don't let it bother me, but as of recently, we haven't seen each other. I feel like there's no balance and he wants ME to understand that he wants to be with his friends and wants to video tape (he's a videographer on the side)
I guess I'm just really confused. He's not compassionate, not romantic... he just tells me he loves me and carries on...

Thank you for your response. Im 25 and he is 27. I want to try to understand him. He thinks I'm fighting against him...when I just want him to see my side as well... e
I'm trying to work on this. Work on myself. Maybe it's the way I approach things? Even then, I feel any way I approach any situation, he gets angry and tells me he doesn't want to deal with it. he wants to say sorry and for me to get over it.... Maybe he just wants a casual thing and I'm kinda looking for the real deal...

Well no, it's twice a week on top of everything else he does. He is a videographer. Either he's at concerts or at the studio. Works...

I want there to be balance and I feel like he doesn't seem to get that? I don't want him to drop everything and come to me, but at least if he says he misses me he will make me feel somewhat important other than just telling me. Like you said actions...

I truly appreciate your advice. My happiness is my responsibility. I always have told myself that and should never depend on any one else or else there isn't any self love. I think I am lacking that.

....and the problem with that is.....?

if you had interests other than him in life, wouldn't you want him to understand?

Again, if you were busy doing other things that interested you, while he was engaging in activities that interest him, but don't include you, that wouldn't be an issue.

If you don't see him as compassionate or romantic, and want someone who is, and will not have outside interests that you don't approve of, you obviously need to look for someone else.

Whatever it is you're wanting/needing in another, he's apparantly not it.

You are absolutely right.
I really needed this.

There is another way to look at this, I think you aren't really concerned about boy's night out.....I think it's more that he hardly ever makes plans with you. Some people like to have options such as 'sure, I'll attend your party this friday' but have no problem dropping those plans if something better comes along.

This is not just a boyfriend - girlfriend thing, I've seen friends and neighbors and co-workers do the same thing. Mostly there are consequences for casual rudeness, your neighbor will stop inviting you if you cancel last minute too many times. But male-female situations can get unbalanced......it might be he has no respect for your time because he assumes you will always be there. He plans for the immediate and if that doesn't work then he calls you. This type of imbalance works the other way as well, often it can be the woman who is inconsiderate about the man's time.

I'm not saying you should have access 24/7 to every second of his time.......but maybe he's taking you for granted. I suggest you make yourself more independent. I don't believe in games, but there is something to be said for benign neglect........make plans with other people and stick to them. Do you have a friend or family member you could visit out of state? If he hasn't already asked you out or made plans with you for a weekend.....don't try to get a commitment from him, just make plans for your own entertainment. If he doesn't care then it's better to know now.....if he does care about you he will include you in more events. Whatever you do, don't cancel your plans.

If this friendship with your guy doesn't turn out like you hope, at least you are not left in the dust.

For a marriage to work you both need to try your hardest to love and please each other. If you really love him you'll be pleased when he goes out and enjoys himself, but on the other hand he needs to make sure you're happy and feeling all loved up.

From what you say that's not working on either side. Too much selfishness going on. You need to talk about what more you both can give each other. Good luck.

If you two are a couple, then what you are asking makes perfect sense. From what I gathered from your post, you are not asking for all of his time. You are not asking him to stop hanging out with his friends. You are simply asking for some balance. It is also a good idea for you to find things to do without him. That way you both can spend some time doing things apart and spend some time doing things together.

When people (men or women) want something, they just go for it. If your boyfriend wants to hang out with his friends, he will hang out with his friends. If he wants to make his videos, he will make his videos. With that same logic, if he doesn't want to hang out with you.. he will not hang out with you (period). Don't beg him to hang out with you. Just understand that he is not that interested no matter how long the relationship has been so far. You are the one who is keeping it going for 1 year, not him. And remember, actions speak louder than words. His actions are very clear...
Are you too much? Yes, you are too much for HIM, because he is not the one for YOU.