Duct tape and plastic sheeting.

I love the spoof site, PDiddie. Having a sense of humor about all this is our best defense against the onset of terminal gloom about the direction we seem to be heading in. And I use the word "direction" loosely...

Some of the captions to the 'visual guide' at Ready.gov:

When the bomb hits, alert your neighbors and friends the old fashoined way, by yelling, "Hey! Did you hear that? Sounded like an explosion of some sort!"

Ponder whether the attack was biological, chemical, or nuclear. Take as much time as you need.

You will know if it's a nuclear attack when the blast wave reaches your door, blows through it, and melts your flesh right off your bones.

In which case, quickly kiss your ass goodbye while cowering in a stew of your own bodily fluids.

In the unlikely event that you actually survive, you will have exactly 5 days and 12 hours to live. Spend that time wisely.

PD, too close to realism - ahhhh sh*t!

Knowing my friends, if I said that, the response is likely to be, "Jeez, that calls for a drink!"

Which, come to think of it, might be the best approach in the long run...

Think about this question:

Has one life ever been saved?

The answer is no. All these "life-saving devices," e.g. seatbelts and the most current medical technologies, have never "saved" a single life. The person who is strapped in his/her car or the one who has the best medical team in the world do not have their lives "saved."

The fact is, obviously, everyone must die at some point. If it is your turn to do so, all the duct tape and plastic sheeting on the planet will not "save" your life.

William

I am a distributor for a fine line of vitamin and mineral products designed just for the fatalists out there. Though they actually are real vitamins and minerals, we have chosen only those which have no effect whatsoever on human physiology.

You are in our target market. Please contact me to find out more about this unique series of products.

blatham<

I will continue with my One-a-Day vitamins as I can only live one day at a time.

I do, however, thank you for your offer. Please remove my name from your "target market."

Thank you.


:wink:

Some suggested names for blatham's supplement line:

Placebo-Cal

However Many You Like-A-Day

Jelly Bellies

PDiddie

Thank you kindly for the product-naming suggestions you have sent us here at EntroP Corp (we like the second one) but after all, we don't know why you even bothered.

Diddie and Blatham, Please stop being so funny. This is not helpful for someone trying to get through a 1040.

I am doing absolutely nothing to prepare for this big terrorist attack.

If we are right in the way of it, we're dead meat right quick.

If we dodge the bullet, we're okay.

If we catch enough chemical or nuclear or biological agents so that sometime in the few weeks following we are going to die a slow and horrible death, I have a bullet for the heads of my cubs, squinney, and then me.

meanwhile, life is still good, love is all around, I can still get a cold beer, and sex is great. Oh yeah, and rock n roll. :wink:

You're trying to do your taxes and Able2Know at the same time?

Quite the multi-tasker.

About that duct tape...it just seems to get more outrageous every day:

That most lamentable duct tape suggestion last week by a Homeland Security official -- which drove countless panicked citizens out to buy the product -- has been widely derided as useless and pretty crazy.

But maybe not so crazy. Turns out that nearly half -- 46 percent to be precise -- of the duct tape sold in this country is manufactured by a company in Avon, Ohio. And the founder of that company, that would be Jack Kahl, gave how much to the Republican National Committee and other GOP committees in the 2000 election cycle? Would that be more than $100,000?

His son, John Kahl, who became CEO after his father stepped down shortly after the election, told CNBC last week that "we're seeing a doubling and tripling of our sales, particularly in certain metro markets and around the coasts and borders." The plant has "gone to a 24/7 operation, which is about a 40 percent increase" over this time last year, Kahl said. The company had more than $300 million in sales in 2001.

The GOP Home Shopping Network

I figures, PDiddie -- goes with Ridge condescendingly showing up on TV with a jockular (sic) rationalization and retraction about using the duct tape now. There's no reason to tape up a room unless you're going to do it now. Or taping up your car windows as I suggested before. He didn't retract that we should buy enough to wrap up the Eiffel Tower (which many in his adminstration would love to do). Could that be the brand we keep seeing on the newscasts and is prevelant at Home Despots? It's called "Duck Tape."

Go here and watch "The Re-Freakening of America" (high-speed connection recommended):

Comedy Central/Jon Stewart

Was anyone watching CNN this past week when they cut away from Gephardt's Presidential announcement, to Tom Ridge and the Ready Campaign, to the dog trapped on the frozen river?

(Secretary Ridge) started to speak. He even cracked a slight smile. Yes, he said, things are dangerous out there. Yes, we need to prepare for the worst. But, America should not panic. So far, so good.

Then came the dog.

Say hello to "Lucky," a 2-year-old black and brown pooch, described as a "Rottweiler mix." As Tom Ridge was trying to brush up his image in Cincinnati, cops spotted Lucky stranded on an ice floe in the Passaic River.

The dog seemed - well - panicked. He yelped and darted from one side of the ice floe to the other. He seemed to be looking for a way to escape without jumping into the frigid waters.

In the brave new world of 24-hour cable television, "Lucky" was a breaking news story. Yes, there was the chief of Homeland Security telling us from Cincinnati that we needed to start preparing for terrorist attacks. But there was also a dog on the ice on the Passaic River. And the dog was barking!

North Jersey.com

This was from Bill Maher's new show on HBO Friday night:

"In case of a terrorist attack, you need to have these four items: Duct tape, fresh water, a non-electric can opener and a battery-powered radio so you can tune in and hear Rush Limbaugh blame everything on Bill Clinton."

PDiddie<

Thank you for the Bill Maher joke. Limbaugh does blame Bill Clinton for all of the nation's problems. On the other hand, Ronald Reagan gets Limbaugh's nod for what is good about the country.

One thing that disturbs me about the duct tape and plastic sheeting is that I don't spend too much time at home. Should I demand my employer protect his employees? After all, I do spend a minimum of 40 hours per week at work.

Also, what's going to be my protection while commuting? What about a walk in the park or around the neighborhood? What if I'm in a movie theatre, restaurant, department store or other public place when the attack comes?

I don't think the Department of Homeland Security wants me to become a shut-in, yet that is the implication here.

Coming soon to a homeland defense store near you:

A duct tape and plastic sheet portable "bubble" to take wherever you go, for that "I'm safe from chemical attack" feeling!

Add-ons will include ventilators, air conditioners, satellite TVs, mini-fridges and wireless internet connectivity!

I cracked up on that one -- Maher's new show is certainly gained in potency in its move to HBO. Loved the Larry David tripping on his tongue routine at the beginning as they totally played it straight -- it didn't "curb my enthusiasim" for the show.

Right -- WH, as I made a joke of it before on this forum. If you're suppose to prepare in time then commuting in a car should be included (I noted I only had black plastic).

Our problems with terrorism were born out of the Reagan administration's trading weapons for hostages, the disastrous assassination attempt on the Lebonese shiek (which we were lead to believe was a secret CIA operation without the knowledge of Regean -- yeah, sure) and the bombing of Kadafi's private home, none a real deterant for terrorists to try again but more of an encouragement, especially those of the Muslim faith.

Ducking for cover - from ourselves

http://csmonitor.com/2003/0224/p09s01-coop.html

That's a nice CSM article, Au1929! Not to get too heavy in response, I not only agree with it, I identify in it what most troubles me in these discussions about security, and that's a kind of wimpiness about "insecurity." I never in my life thought security was the most important "value," not even something we could count on in a real, full life. Rather, freedom and the ability to work and to enjoy the world and the warmth and interest of fellow humans, dogs, cats, and other friends, rate highest with me. To cash those in for life in an airless, plastic box, being "taken care of" by an administration which is either hysterical or malign (you know which of those two I believe!), is just not the life I want to lead.

Which leads me to WilliamHenry's "I don't think the Department of Homeland Security wants me to become a shut-in, yet that is the implication here..." I firmly believe that if we'd be willing to quit taking the administration's statements at face value and instead study and accept the "implications," we would edge much closer to the truth of our situation than we have to date.