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Complications with 2 different girls

 
 
Reply Fri 25 Aug, 2017 06:15 pm
So I dated girl #1 a year ago, she was great but has some mental problems (Including an eating disorder and depression). she broke up with me after she told me she wanted to see this other guy, and she dated him for a while but he made her feel terrible, but I was broken-hearted she had cheated on me. we've talked a bit in the last 3 months as friends, the other day I was walking home late and she saw me and we ended up just talking about deep which led to us staying up till 3 just cuddling under the stars, I've always felt something for her but she really hurt me and we've talked about it multiple times and she swears she's changed but I don't know how I can exactly trust her.

Girl #2 I've had a crush I've had a crush on for a while after we started hanging out occasionally turned regularly, her dad adores me and I know she likes me too, her dad has even personally told me that he would love if I dated his daughter. I've taken her out a few times but we haven't talked about dating because I told her before that I wasn't looking for a relationship then and she has diagnosed anxiety and I don't think she wants to risk talking about something she thinks she has the answer too.

My thoughts are:

Girl 1 - I've dated before and she cheated on me, still have feelings for her, just generally fun to be around but as of now don't see a real relationship with her right now it just feels purely lusty at times though I know she does care about me, she still needs to mature a I guess, I still want to be friends with her though

Girl 2 - Generally nicer, I want to ask her out but want to cut out complications girl #1 would cause because I see a real relationship with her, she makes me happy and I just want to be with her and know it's mutual

So my real problem is that I want to tell girl #1 I want to be friends with her while also not hurting her so I can untie this knot that complicates my love life and be with girl #2, I know I can't hide them from each other but I don't want her to think I'm just some fuckboy "leaving her for someone else" how do I let her down easily though? I know I should probably tell her about girl #2 and I will eventually but I don't think I should bring it up right now I guess, maybe I should, I don't know I just need some advice, maybe I'm making the wrong choice in choosing #2, I'm really uncertain about my uncertainty. lol
 
View best answer, chosen by Mockingbird777
chai2
 
  5  
Reply Fri 25 Aug, 2017 08:06 pm
There's nothing wrong with dating 2 girls at the same time.

You don't have to fall into this deep relationship stuff right off the bat.

Don't limit yourself.

If one of them doesn't like it, then they can stop dating you.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Fri 25 Aug, 2017 09:04 pm
How about a number 3 choice: another girl all together.

Both these girls sound like they have issues. You really want to saddle yourself with one?

Date lots of girls. The cream will rise to the top.
tibbleinparadise
 
  4  
Reply Fri 25 Aug, 2017 09:49 pm
@PUNKEY,
Knowing what I know now, I'd never EVER pursue a relationship with a female that has mental health issues unless she had a really good handle on things (fully aware of the problems and actively seeking treatment)
0 Replies
 
Mockingbird777
 
  1  
Reply Fri 25 Aug, 2017 10:44 pm
I know what I'd be getting myself into, I'm sure on one of the two I just wanna know which one, I just want to know what to do about them two, not to find another person altogether, just because they have an illness doesn't make them invalid in my opinion
roger
 
  3  
Reply Fri 25 Aug, 2017 11:04 pm
@Mockingbird777,
Okay, not invalid, but you might still give some though as to how this could affect your own life.

I know you're not hearing what you came here for. Sometimes it just works out that way.
troppineapple
  Selected Answer
 
  3  
Reply Fri 25 Aug, 2017 11:16 pm
@Mockingbird777,
If there's one thing that holds true, is that establishing from relationship-friendship with someone is not as easy as it may seem. What's important though is that they clearly understand that you want to establish a friendship only, and nothing more. So, maybe to ease the stress and anxiety of the situation, try to make plans soon after you tell her(grab lunch, see a concert/event, or some public place). Keep in touch, and show her that you still care for her as your friend(as that is you ultimately your goal here). When you tell her, ask Girl#1 how she feels about that(being only as friends), then you might have a better idea of her feelings in this given circumstance.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 26 Aug, 2017 09:43 am
@roger,
roger wrote:


I know you're not hearing what you came here for. Sometimes it just works out that way.


This.
0 Replies
 
Mockingbird777
 
  1  
Reply Sat 26 Aug, 2017 12:54 pm
@Mockingbird777,
@Roger, I mean I'll definitely take it into consideration. I know while maybe harsh it's just concern, I'll see how it plays out with Troppineapple's idea though.. if not then I just don't choose either of them, I don't want to get too involved with the first one's anorexia because I'd feel like it'd be my fault if something happened, even though she's said she's working on it I know you can't cure something like that with just a promise. The 2nd girl's anxiety isn't that bad though, and when she has had attacks I've been able to help her through them and it's really nice with the level of trust we have, and I think we can work things out, I'll see what she thinks about girl #1, as I already talked to the 1st one and she's kind of bummed but we're still talking
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Sat 26 Aug, 2017 04:24 pm
@Mockingbird777,
Oh dear - I was hoping you didn't tell #1 about #2 and vice versa. That wasn't the idea

You just want to be friends with two different people at the same time. That means you only need to tell them both that you are not ready to commit to one person at this time, so you are in the friend zone.

No need to pit them against each other. You may lose them both. Or one may emotionally blackmail you.

Stay neutral.
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Sat 26 Aug, 2017 07:11 pm
@PUNKEY,
If one emotionally blackmails him, that's the one he needs to drop.

IMO he needs to be honest with anyone he dates to let them know he sees other people.
Keep it all out in the open. Then there's none of the bullsh!t of "he's/she's seeing someone else!


I don't mean telling one woman about another specific woman. That would be disrespectful of that other woman. Same for a woman dating more than 1 man. I wouldn't want to find out that someone I was dating was discussing me with someone else he's dating.

Some people have this strange notion they can't go on dates with 2 or more people at the same time. Once you and one of the people you're dating decide it's developing into something more, you stop seeing the others.
0 Replies
 
maria23
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Sep, 2017 09:15 am
@chai2,
Yes, it is wrong. Very wrong!
0 Replies
 
nina1234
 
  2  
Reply Mon 4 Sep, 2017 10:17 pm
@Mockingbird777,
I think there's nothing wrong with starting to date #2. As for #1, she might need to be alone for a little while to work on her illness. I truly believe that mental disorders can only be cured/managed from within and nobody outside of that "ill" person can really do the job. So it's not your responsibility, but hers. I also believe that she might need professional help from a therapist. (just my opinion)

I know it will be extremely tough to tell #1 that you cannot be together with her, but it's the right thing to do. Life is not always easy.. you gotta do what you gotta do!

Approach wise, i would say to just let #1 know that you really care about her but you don't think it's a good idea for a relationship. She made decisions in the past thinking only of herself when she decided to cheat on you, and you are also allowed to do the same thing and think about what is best for you at the moment...which is not to be in a relationship with her (#1). You have been together before and it's now time for the both of you to move on. You never know what the future holds, so maybe one day in the future, your paths will cross again, but i don't think you should continue that friendship if you are interested in #2. I also believe that you don't have to let #1 know about #2, you are not dating her anymore...
Just stay focused man! Wink
0 Replies
 
cameronleon
 
  0  
Reply Mon 11 Sep, 2017 10:13 pm
@PUNKEY,
Quote:
How about a number 3 choice: another girl all together.

Both these girls sound like they have issues. You really want to saddle yourself with one?

Date lots of girls. The cream will rise to the top.


Yup.

Yours is the best advice, however, one day, by chance, I had the opportunity of having three girlfriends at the same time. Two of them with a child, and the another one alone by herself.

Sleeping in three different beds was an adventure, but the main problem started after a while when my bank account was as low as bankruptcy.

Sadly, I had to let go two of them and catch up with my finances.

In my life, when relationships became very complicated, I opted for starting anew somewhere.

There are things which can be tolerated and you can live with it, but sometimes the problems the partners carry are "incurable" and if you don't leave you might end by being contaminated.

If you decide to continue with those relationships, it is better to keep one of them only, because it has been experienced already by you Mockingbird777 that two women with complications is too much.
0 Replies
 
 

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