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9 months of marriage and my husband changed into a jerk

 
 
Reply Tue 8 Aug, 2017 11:12 pm
I am in despair and pain. I dont know what to do. I fell in love with this guy who because of his family's dissapproval, ended up ghosting me after four years of being in a relationship. Then I met someone else who I ended up being engaged to. When the first guy found out, he started begging me to forgive him and give him a second chance. So I broke up my engagement and ended up marrying the first guy, because I believed his words of seeking forgiveness and promising to treat me better. However, he kept asking me about how my sexual relationship was with my ex fiance and because I still had anger towards him for ghosting me in a terrible way and now coming and asking me about my sexual past, I told him that it was better than it was when Im with him. I only said that because I was still angry about what he had done to me by ghosting me after four years and only asking forgiveness when he heard im with someone else. So now im married to him and he constantly mistreats me and gets angry at me because I said that my sex lofe with my ex fiance was better. I tried explaining to him that it isnt so and that I was just saying that before because of my hurt feelings, and genuinly I dont even think that, but hes such a stubborn man he is refusing to listen and constantly shuts me down, snaps at me, gets angry at me, talks to me in a harsh, cold manner unprovoked, and in return I plead with him and cry to him to please stop hurting me and I dont even get agry in return, but even theb, he continues to be harsh and cold and I am crying everyday because of him. I really regret giving him a second chance because he is so ungrateful about it, I forgave him for the way he ghosted me but he continues to hurt me all the tie by snapping at me and getting angry and shutting me down when I need to vent. He clais his misbehaviour is due to me claiming 9 months ago that i had a better sex life with my ex, even though I didnt mean it and dont even think so! So he uses that reason to justify his emotional abuse to me. Im married to this man and unfortunately I literally am trapped because I have no where to go, no house to go back to, no job, no country to call my own, nothing. I feel like the only reason im not filing for divorce is because I dont have anywhere else to go, literally. I feel like recently his mistreatment has escalated and honestly my love and respect for this man has morphed into hatred for him and he is not worthy or deserving to be my husband, I hate him for hurting me n I feel as though he tricked me into giving him a second chance. Because everyday I try to be a good wife to him and everyday I try to cater to his needs and show him love and appreciation but he takes me and my second chance for granted completely. Ive started to kind of get scared when I speak to him in fear he will get angry and snap at me, Ive started not confiding in him anymore, Ive started regretting marrying him, Ive started to hate him and wonder if I married someone else, I would have been treated better. I used to think the world of him and would never come to an online forum to vent because I used to be able to vent to him, but I feel too emotionally unsafe to vent to that man and I feel like there is no point of doing so because he wont understand, he will not empathetize but instead think selfishly and he will just snap at me and make me cry. He just doesnt get me anymore and he has made my life a hell because Im emotionally affected so badly that I cant sleep properly, I lost my appetite, I am constantly fearing his messages and calls and dreading them( its a long distance relationship temporarily) and im fearing him ghosting me once again even though now hes my husband. I just lost my trust in him. When I think of him, I feel betrayed and I feel hatred towards him. I dont feel respect and love for him anymore. I dont know what to do. Please can someone provide some support and empathy, I am in desperate need for any sympathy as I have no one to confide in, because I dont want any of my freinds and family to find out as they know him. Please help me as I am breaking apart here alone.
 
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Wed 9 Aug, 2017 06:19 am
Get a job.
Get financially independent
Get away from this abusive man.
Get out of the country.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Wed 9 Aug, 2017 08:49 am
@Sparklywater,
Tell your family and friends anyway.

Your husband is depending on your silence to condone and continue his verbal abuse.

Do whatever it takes to get out. School, job, friends, ask your family if you can come back and live with them, etc. And for God's sake, please don't get pregnant.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Sun 13 Aug, 2017 04:02 pm
@Sparklywater,
4 Years is a long time to be with someone and be in love, to then be rejected due to culture.

Yet, you moved on and got engaged to someone else but your heart was still with this guy.

Both of you. He didn't want someone else to have you. You didn't want to lose the person you once loved. And, so you married.

Is this the honest reason to marry someone?

People that say hurtful things, end up getting it back 10 fold. It ways on someone's heart strings but also he's a "man" and to be told "another man" was better than him in bed, stated to a Husband. I can't understand why you can't understand how much that actually can hurt a guy.

This marriage in my opinion was doomed. I think that you want what you can't have.

There is no such thing as " I have no where to go". There are friends, there are family, there is someone always someone.

I recently helped a young girl well 30 years of age, a tenant and housed her until she could free herself from abuse, all-be-it she went back for a couple of months, then I helped her again. Hopefully, she's done. And, hopefully, she will stay in touch and be "ok".

There is always an answer if you look for it .

How to move on from here emotionally. Marry someone that you love that you know loves you back, that you both treat each other with respect and love and if you don't feel that, stay single until you find him.

0 Replies
 
 

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