What he really thinks

I agree, all men are not control freaks, hence to inclusion of the following in my post .. perhaps it got overlooked:

<then we agree...>

Well, I agree to that too. That all men are not the same.

Surprisingly, living with one that likes to have his control..I do see major differences in men.

I have a friend that hates the majority of them. Says they are all just alike!! She baffles me with that thought. I baffle her feeling the way I do..with us being in the same situation. lol But the reason , I think , I feel that way is, because, most of my dearest friends are men. I see them for who they are. Each one different. And...I'm not the one married to them either.

Some dependence is reasonable in healthy relationships. The control thing is not, and is a symptom of fear in the controller, which is a serious matter, fear being a prime motivator for a lot of behavior.

Its funny that you should say that.... we talk about kids though neither one of us is ready to have them. But when we do talk about them, it sort of scares me. I joke around about how I am going to curse him with all girls because that seems to be the trend in his family. He jokes around about how he will "mold his son in his fathers image." I am only half joking when I say I will curse him with all girls, though i do not determine the sex, I pray sometimes that I will never have a boy that will be his father one day. Don't get me wrong, he is a good man, he just has his priorities all wrong.

GOOD men don't have their priorities all wrong, kitcat.

I admire your loyalty, but this guy doesn't deserve it.

Kitkat- Absorb what Eva is saying. That one sentence is your problem in a nutshell.

I just started to read this thread this morning, so I saw its development all at once. The more that you wrote, the more that I realized that you are in an impossible situation. There is NOTHING that you can do to please this man. And that is exactly the point. By keeping you off balance, he is controlling you emotionally.

Be happy that you don't have kids. Get out while your life is relatively simple. Good luck!

It's rare that the female respondents to a relationships and marriage thread agree so forcefully.

I thank all of you for your advice, all of it was very helpful and I am so glad that everyone seemed to agree which made it so much easier and less confusing. But...
For me...it's just not that easy. It would take some time. I need to start to save money. Not only that but niether of us has taken therapy yet. His parents know my situation, and they love me more than they like him. They are willing to pay for anyone and any place I find for help. My husband doesn't like the idea of therapy, but is willing to go for me.
There is also the fact that we have only been married for a little over 4 months. We are both young and as you can see with his constant video game thing that he hasn't yet grown up. He is used to being his own man and the only one that gave him crap in his life for the way he lived it was his mom, so it would make sence why I am treated like this..don't get me wrong, it is very much not acceptable no matter what his excuse is for doing it.
Its not that I think that I wouldn't be able to live life on my own so much...it's half the fact that I have no money yet to live on my own and all the money I gain goes to him for bills, and it is half the fact that four months ago my parents spent almost all their money on this wedding for me...their only daughter. The whole family is so happy for me and everyone made it to the wedding. It would be devistating to all of them if I left after 4 months and not giving it the chance to work it out through therapy.

i find it kind of funny that all the guys (minus the ONE i could pick out via name) have stayed away from this post... I dont know if they're smart of staying away or im stupid for not... but im the kinda guy that thinks that everything should be 50/50. To me thats the best way of doing things...

Therapy is all good, but it won't work for an abuser. If you can't save money while being with him, then can you go live with your parents for awhile while you save, or maybe a friend. You may only be married to him for 4 months and that's why you should be very scared. If he's treating you this way after such a short time, how do you think he's going to treat you later on? Abusers always get worse and it makes me cringe to hear you talk about having children with this man. You live with a man who likes to control and he would treat his children like dogs as well. Please don't put any child through this.
I understand that you feel bad about leaving because your parents paid for the wedding, but do you think they'd want you to be unhappy for their sake?
You said his parents love you more than they like hime, so on that note, RUN as fast as you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you decide you want to continue living with a man like this, then no one can stop you but children don't deserve parents like him, so do them a favor and don't have any with him.
You say he's a good man, but good men don't write what he did about their wives, but somehow I think you're going to learn the hard way,

God help you.

And that's the way it should be Seed. I'm glad to hear that you feel that way ;-)

Seed, Good Point. I agree..everything should be 50/50. But in most cases its not.

One of the biggest 50/50's that I see a problem with it is...when a women has her kids all the time, she's being Mommy. If daddy keeps them, its babysitting.

When daddy wants to do something.....he goes, without a moments notice. Mom has to ask.......beg and plead to get daddy to babysit..or agree.

But this isn't every relationship.

I know that one MMS. I'd be going out to do the food shopping and my ex would say "I suppose you want me to babysit" and those words are burned into my brain like a bad scar. My skin still crawls when I hear it.
I talk to my loser ex just last week (after being apart from him for 13 years) and he was telling me that he shouldn't have to pay child support for our son because my son will no longer talk to the abusive jerk. I then told him that our son won't talk to him because he was tired of being at the very bottom of his to do list and being treated like yesterdays garbage. I told him that he abandoned our son after I ended the relationship, so our son just got tired of waiting for his dad to give a rats ass. After that my ex had the nerve to say that it my my fault because I was the one who pushed him out of my life. I then told him that I pushed him out of my life, not our sons life and his neglecting our son was all his doing.
Our son, or should I say "my son" is almost 18 and his father still doesn't get it.

The part where I am stuck at is....I hear so many times that the first year is the hardest. Is this what they mean when they say that? Is this the hard part we both have to go through? He isn't physically abusive, nor did he say what I started this thread about it the first place to my face. The problem isn't with what he said when he was angry...its that he doesn't respect me. He doesn't feel that I am on the same level in the relationship that he is. I tell him all the time that he doesn't respect me and most of the time he rolls his eyes or says "ok ok ok" to make me stop. He tells me he is tired of hearing me say the same things over and over and over and I keep telling him I wouldn't have to say it once if you just did it. Half the things I ask him to do for me would be an inconvienice of about 5 minutes, then I am happy and don't ever have to speak of it again. It's not the fact that he doesn't want to do it for me..its the fact that I asked him to do it in the first place. Its the asking him to do something part he doesn't like....like I said, he doesn't respect me. I don't know if that comes with him being so young and probably hasn't matured yet, but is this what they mean when they says that the first year is the hardest?

No. It would be the hardest year even if he respected you. This just compounds the problem.

Also, no, it isn't.

I've never heard that the first year was the hardest and if he doesn't respect you now, he never will. In what he said about you it's obvious that he doesn't respect you and as Brooke said earlier "verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse". Any kind of abuse breaks a person down and no one deserves to live like that. You're in for a very rude awakening if you stay with this man and that's one thing I know for sure. I've been there girl and it ain't pretty.

You know Kitkat... It is hard to deal with this this type of guys... They're just so... so.. URGRGRGR!!!! But than again, as the saying goes... What you don't know won't hurt you... You did look for it, didn't you?

Maybe this online posting is just a way to relieve his inner thoughts and insecurities.. I'm sure you've thought about him in a relentless kind of way... I sure have about exes and have said it out loud to friends... It's kind of a passive-agressive defensive mechanism...
Maybe he IS insecure about it too...

Did I get that wrong? I'm sorry if so.....