My gf's friends are ruining our relationship

You've contemplated marriage with someone who values her friends above you?

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EMSFD125 wrote:

even if she talks with them...trust me i wont win that battle, i doubt shed even do that anyway

This is a really bad indicator.

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EMSFD125 wrote:

no, ok let me clear this up...they dont randomly show up places when we are together...they are constantly having parties and putting both of us in positions where we basically feel like we need to go. And this is often, but when we are alone we are 100% alone, but its just not as often as we are with everyone else

Even though other individuals are putting you in a position, you are still responsible for your own decisions......Say no and be done with it...maybe eventually they'll stop asking you!

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ehbeth, would you like to be torn between your friends and your boyfriend...thats why she wont do it furthermore, why would she want to piss off friends shes been for 6 years more then shes been with me

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EMSFD125, my grandmother always said that your partner comes first, then your children, then your family, then your friends.

That guideline seems to have worked quite well for her children, and other grandchildren over the past 50+ years. None of her children (7 daughters and step-daughters) or grandchildren have divorced. That's an unusual enough statistic these days to think seriously about what she told me 35 years ago.

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once marriage is seriously in the picture dont worry i assure you values will change, i just dont want her ending relationships with friends shes had since she was a child over someone shes been with for a year

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EMSFD125 wrote:

ehbeth, would you like to be torn between your friends and your boyfriend...thats why she wont do it furthermore, why would she want to piss off friends shes been for 6 years more then shes been with me

I've had life long friends and believe me, when I'm into a guy my friends come second and they understand, of course. I had one friend who use to get pissed off when I was in a relationship because it cut into her time with me and since she wasn't in a relationship, she was bummin. She couldn't understand why we didn't see much of eachother when I was involved with a guy, but once she got involved with a guy and I wasn't, I barely ever heard from her and now that she's married, I'm lucky to get a call every few years.
So, I tend to agree with Stand up here that if she was that into you, she would tell her friends that you guys have other plans when they invite you to parties.

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Why would marriage change values? Maybe I misunderstood you, but what values will marriage change?

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EMSFD125 wrote:

once marriage is seriously in the picture dont worry i assure you values will change, i just dont want her ending relationships with friends shes had since she was a child over someone shes been with for a year

She doesn't have to end any friendships. If her friends don't understand that she wants more time with you, then they aren't friends in the first place. How old is your girlfriend and her group of friends?

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EMSFD125 wrote:

once marriage is seriously in the picture dont worry i assure you values will change,

That's a dangerous assumption to make, EMSFD125. If you're not her number one priority a year into the relationship, your odds aren't good for ever being number one.

Montana's right. If she's into you, she'd be making you the top priority.

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ehBeth wrote:

EMSFD125 wrote:
once marriage is seriously in the picture dont worry i assure you values will change,

That's a dangerous assumption to make, EMSFD125. If you're not her number one priority a year into the relationship, your odds aren't good for ever being number one.

Montana's right. If she's into you, she'd be making you the top priority.

I agree, Beth. That is a very dangerous assumption to make. Marriage does not change values. Values are there or they're not and they don't change simply because of marriage. When you get married, you're still the same 2 people you were before you said "I do".

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idk if im top priority and im not about to ask her that

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EMSFD125 - do yourself a favour. Don't think about marriage until you're ready to ask the hard questions, and have the difficult conversation.

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You two need to learn to talk.

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I agree with ehbeth.

It sounds like wanting to marry her is part of a personal romantic fantasy. There is nothing substantial to it.

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My gf's friends are ruining our relationship

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