Wed 19 Jul, 2017 04:50 pm
Hello everyone. I'm a 21 year old gay male and I recently came out to my parents, sister and some of my close friends. Most of them were not really expecting it, and I've had nothing but positive reactions from them. Everyone seems to be very accepting.
I've known that I'm attracted to guys for years. I have had a really hard time accepting this, and because of that (and some other less relevant issues) I have been going to a psychiatrist and psychotherapist, which helps a lot. I'm taking a study break ATM because I feel emotionally exhausted, so I've had a lot of time to think about myself.
The thing is, I know for 100% sure that I'm gay, but I am totally put off by the thought of anal sex. I have never in my life had sexual fantasies about anal intercourse. I feel very insecure about this. I know it is not a very good example, but gay pornography seems to always contain anal intercourse, which makes it not exciting for me at all - I don't watch it. This has made me feel really confused. All the gay guys I know tend to identify themselves as being 'bottom' or 'top'. For this reason, I feel reluctant to talk or date other gay guys. Is it unusual for a gay guy to not be into anal intercourse? For the record, I do have sexual fantasies about kissing, hugging, oral sex, handjobs etc.
I'm a bit afraid that this is looked upon as being "aberrant" in the gay community and I fear I will have a hard time finding someone who feels the same about this matter. Has anyone got some advice/personal experiences? Thanks in advance.
I don't have personal experiences (I'm mainly bumping your topic) - but everyone is different - maybe if you tried personal ad-style dating, you could make your preferences known and see who is interested.
Sexual preference and activity for anal sex is the same for heterosexuals as it is for gays. So you are not "different" at all.
No personal experience (aside from experimenting in highschool), but people are free to like what they like. Somebody that is gay judging you for not liking anal sex is no different than somebody judging you for being gay. People judge other people. If somebody decides that they don't like that you don't like anal sex...that's their problem, not yours.
I would communicate this preference in the process of dating though. If I didn't enjoy vaginal sex, I'd definitely communicate that to potential partners.
It is also VERY possible that as you explore relationships and intimacy your feelings and preferences may change. Just go with what you enjoy and don't feel pressured to do anything you don't like.