I Want to Be Selfish...

I don't do pies so take the cake or leave it buster.

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Kristie's milk of human kindness has curdled...

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panzade wrote:

Kristie's milk of human kindness has curdled...

I was served a raw deal today.

I'll probably be asleep when he gets home so I guess there goes compromise. What's one more day of being second in line.
Friend wins. Game. Set. Match.

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You know Kristie...I don't believe it is selfish....as a husband he is supposed to meet your needs above his friend's...he is not married to his friend now is he...so if you have need it is his duty to see what he can do to that....if he doesn't want to do that...let him marry his friend....

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It isn't like we spend a lot of time together.
Between his job and his friends, there isn't a lot of time left. And I don't demand all his free time. In fact, in any other circumstance, this wouldn't be an issue. But I am having a really rough time right now and I need him too. I never asked for all his time.

I just want some.

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This inane sounding thread has actually given me a lot to think about...thanks Kristie...I mean it.

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panzade wrote:

This inane sounding thread has actually given me a lot to think about...thanks Kristie...I mean it.

what do you mean?

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I mean...it's making me reconsider the nature of selfishness in a relationship.

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panzade wrote:

I mean...it's making me reconsider the nature of selfishness in a relationship.

how so? You've piqued my interest...

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I'm trying to gauge how my selfishness has sunk past relationships and how I can avoid that in my present one...

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oh. well, that's good, I guess. I am usually a very selfless person when it comes to my husband. I want him to be happy and I do a lot for him because I know he works very hard and deserves a little slack. But by nature, I am a very selfish person. So these two desires conflict often. I want to support my hubby and be there for him but I also want to say to hell with it and demand what I want. That's the hard part. I usually end up giving in to him and then feeling misrable (hence this post) but I refuse to make him do anything. So if he chooses to be selfish and take advantage of me, it is only my fault. This is another one of those things I am learning to deal with and handle better.

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Take it easy, Kristie. Go eat some chocolate and have a glass of wine. You'll feel better. If that's not enough, draw yourself a hot bubble bath, light some candles, and put on some Bocelli. Still not enough? Call a dining service and have a glorious meal of comfort food delivered, and eat it while watching your favorite rental movie.

Tomorrow morning, apologize for trying to horn in on his time with his friend, and ask him if the two of you could have a special dinner together that night. Or as soon as you both have the time. Because you've missed spending time with him. I bet he'll say yes.

Oh...and yes, we DO overanalyze things. You're thinking, "Why isn't he there for me when I need him? Doesn't he care about me? I guess his friends are more important to him than I am. He's so selfish! I don't know why I put up with this!" And the poor, simple guy is probably thinking, "Geez! All this drama just because I told Whatzisface I'd spend an evening with him? Here I am, trying to be a nice guy, and she's giving me grief."

Don't make more of it than it is, Kristie. Be glad he wants to help out a friend. Don't make him change his plans at the last minute because of your moods. You can spend time with him later. Hopefully, by then you'll be more centered anyway. Right?

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Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:

PIES, WOMAN!!!!

No KITTY!!!! MY cheezypoofs...

no kiiiiiiTIE
MOM.. kitty is being a dildo...

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shewolfnm wrote:

Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:
PIES, WOMAN!!!!

No KITTY!!!! MY cheezypoofs...

no kiiiiiiTIE
MOM.. kitty is being a dildo...

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Eva wrote:

Take it easy, Kristie. Go eat some chocolate and have a glass of wine. You'll feel better. If that's not enough, draw yourself a hot bubble bath, light some candles, and put on some Bocelli. Still not enough? Call a dining service and have a glorious meal of comfort food delivered, and eat it while watching your favorite rental movie.

Tomorrow morning, apologize for trying to horn in on his time with his friend, and ask him if the two of you could have a special dinner together that night. Or as soon as you both have the time. Because you've missed spending time with him. I bet he'll say yes.

Oh...and yes, we DO overanalyze things. You're thinking, "Why isn't he there for me when I need him? Doesn't he care about me? I guess his friends are more important to him than I am. He's so selfish! I don't know why I put up with this!" And the poor, simple guy is probably thinking, "Geez! All this drama just because I told Whatzisface I'd spend an evening with him? Here I am, trying to be a nice guy, and she's giving me grief."

Don't make more of it than it is, Kristie. Be glad he wants to help out a friend. Don't make him change his plans at the last minute because of your moods. You can spend time with him later. Hopefully, by then you'll be more centered anyway. Right?

Thanks Eva..... Smile

well, I flipped out again last night...I really need to decompress before I lose it completely. He ended up coming home a little earlier than originally expected because he knew I wanted to be with him. That was nice. I feel so bad about this whole situation. He doesn't deserve this. At least not all of it.

But at this point in the game, I am freakin' crying at commercials. I am getting myself immediatly to a gym to get a membership. I really think that the exercise will help and if not, what can it hurt? I want to explore all avenues before resorting to meds and a dr. So....on that note I will start my Thursday.

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shewolfnm wrote:

Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:
PIES, WOMAN!!!!

No KITTY!!!! MY cheezypoofs...

no kiiiiiiTIE
MOM.. kitty is being a dildo...

Well, we know who kitty is sleeping with tonight...

Kristie, you little brat....joining the gym will definitely help, but you have to make sure you actually go after you sign up. Too many people join with only good intentions. I think it made a positive difference to me when I first started going(6 years ago?).

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Good for you, Kristie!

I think you'll find your marriage is lot healthier when you take responsibility for your own happiness and don't expect it to come from him. The gym is a good start.

And your husband sounds like a really good guy, btw!

Sorry if I came across too harshly. I cringed when I read my advice again this morning. I know depression intimately, and yes, sometimes we all need permission to be a little selfish. I hope you will give yourself a few extra treats today.

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Given how little time he has available to begin with, I think you're right to want your share of it, Kristie.

I know that mrs. hamburger would NOT have put up with hamburger putting his friends before her. Ever. For any reason. She's tough that way. I think knowing the line not to cross is part of what's kept them together for nearly 50 years.

You have to be selfish sometimes. Sometimes.

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Thanks guys.... Smile

I will definitly be going to the gym if I pay for it. I can't stand wasting money. I love to spend it but not waste it. Besides, I will look f'ing fabulous after a few months. Very Happy

Eva, you weren't too harsh. Sometimes you need a light kick in the pants to realize some things. I heard a really good quote "If you can't be happy without him, then you will never be truly happy with him" I can appreciate that. I have to take responsibility for my happiness.

Mr. Kristie is a great guy. He told me last night, while he was talking me down, that he married me for better or for worse; not just when it was conveinent for him. That made me feel better. It's nice to know that someone loves you no matter how you look (bug eyes, red face, matted hair) or what condition you are in (psychotic melt-down mode). I did give myself a treat today. I had a Starbucks mocha. I am lactose intolerant so these are big no-no's (3/4 steamed milk is baaaadddd). But they are my FAVORITE. Very Happy

Mr. Kristie also said last night that I did deserve to be a little selfish once in a while because I always take care of him. He feels very badly about not being there for me and I know it is hard for him. We are working on getting this thing ironed out. He is leaving for business next week for 4 days so I had better get a runnin' at that gym or you all will have quite a basketcase on your hands. :wink:

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