I'm confused???

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So I recently met this guy and I wasn't going to like him because I know we have our differences and stuff...I work two jobs and barely have time. I purposely made it that way because I know people aren't reliable in following through with their feelings and I'm not going to wait around for people to make up their minds. I'm seeing who makes time for me with the little time that I do have. His mutual friends who know the both of us have convinced me to talk to him.

Since I work two jobs and because of our differences, I'm not able to go much of anywhere with him. This past weekend, I saw that he went to a concert with a girl who made him a rave bracelet. Now, I have guy friends, too, but I don't go posting snap chat pics with them like that.

I guess it may be just an innocent friendship, but she went out of her way to make him a rave bracelet thing and he posted it...and even though he was with his friends, he was still checking up on my snap stories...I guess.

Still why convince me to want to date him then he turns around and goes to a concert with I'm assuming a single girl friend of his because she has the time for him? It's not like I'm frolicking with other dudes the way he goes to concerts with that girl...and he thinks I'll still stay interested?

I'm busting my ass working two jobs trying to save money, not screwing around.

So if someone were in my situation, how would you take that? His friends convince you to want to date him...we only see each other once a week, but then he goes and posts snap pics of going to concerts with another girl...so how would that affect you?

I even turned down a lot of other guys letting them know that I do have one person in mind and he's going to go to a concert with another girl and post pics with her. Obviously he doesn't really want to talk to me like he and his friends made it seem at first...but even when he's at a concert with her supposedly having fun he still made time to view my snap stories, I guess, and he was thinking about me while he was with them but he knows I work a lot.

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 1,431 • Replies: 21

@dusty2,

so i'll get a down vote but no answer, alright. i seriously have to stop wasting my time on forums with these down vote trolls. thought there'd be someone here with some valid input on what should be my next step when/if i see him again. i was thinking about ignoring it and not bringing it up and talking to someone else if that's the way it's going to go.

1 Reply

@dusty2,

Well, I don't think you can push for exclusivity anywhere near this fast.

0 Replies

@dusty2,

I doubt that was actually a troll. You come across with quite the attitude, which of course is your business, but others don't have to like it, and they don't owe you a typed explanation.
You aren't the only person who has worked two jobs to save money: many of us have.
This fellow isn't owned by you either, at least yet, and he gets to date who he wants to.

1 Reply

@ossobucotemp,

Ive always steered clear of women who became possessive after just a few dates.

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@dusty2,

Personally I think that you're current mindset towards men and relationships, leaves a relationship nowhere to go but south - if it ever gets off the ground:

- you make it so all the concession are made by the other person (relationships require balance)

- you take away all the time that is needed at the start of the relationship (getting to know each other & fall in love, and important to you - showing feelings... but you don't give them the time for this)

- while having little time to any potential partners (who are single remember), you then get upset by them doing things many normal single people do. And that possessiveness when you have shared so little relationship wise, is a turn off for many people.

- and have you considered that anyone in a relationship with you would probably feel lonely, because of the limited time you have available?

It seems to me that you've set yourself up to fail at a relationship. But that's just my opinion. Maybe it will work for you...

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You say there are "differences" and you dont have time.

So whats your problem?

Hes getting attention from a girl who does have time and who does accept him.

Hes not into your games. So let it go.

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@dusty2,

At least one person is on your side here. It sounds like you are getting feed back exclusively from men, and men are notoriously rubbish at accepting the presence of other men. I believe this to be the catalyst for their negative response.
As for marking up and marking down that`s no more than school playground antics in the first place. You mark up that which goes easy on your mind and down which does n`t. On many an occasion, perhaps even the majority, truth is not easy on the mind. Ability is all that matters here, not popularity, and they can couple ever only for finite time. Those with social philosophical minds think outside the box of merely their own personal perception but these are a very rare breed indeed
What you are in need of is the sense of equilibrium in this relationship, or at least the serious endeavour for it, something approaching it in any event. So of action, perception, and reaction. Many men in such circumstances as these would perceive that they were in a free relationship, such, you`ll likely not find yourself to be particularly compatible in a relationship format with the vast majority of men. Consider this to be their problem only, it surely is, for in reality you are actually more than just averagely socially adapted, and your expectations are the very ones required for any and all relationships to finish up being genuinely successful, and indeed genuine at all. You should be looking for somebody in the same social league as you, a guy truly exceptional among men. The you`ll be absolutely fine.

1 Reply

@celebritydiscodave,

Awesome generalizations there.

Punkey and I are both female. We're not against the OP. We just think she jumped the gun, big time, on this.

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@jespah,

I do n`t disagree with that. Thanks, I fight the corner of you girls, I`ve been housing them from the streets.

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@jespah,

I'm quite gleefully female.

I remember, somewhat, celebritydiscountdave's announcement here about his wonderfulness.

We should encase it.

2 Replies

@ossobucotemp,

Oh sorry - eep!

1 Reply

@jespah,

I figure that because of the name I took early on, criminy, since abuzz, since I couldn't nab Pizza, that I keep being some bad food concoction. I've oft been taken as male. I take that it that it is the o at the end of my username,

I know you know me, Jes, no worries.

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@ossobucotemp,

I saw what you did @ celebritydiscountdave Twisted Evil

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People make time for other people they want to involve themselves with. In fact, mountains are moved in order for lovers to be together.

The OP wanted things on her terms. He's not going to be dictated to like that, it seems.

My daughter was recently in the same situation. She really like this guy, but he had a bar/restaurant and was opening up two more! He had no time for her. His friends thought they would be a good fit. But he also wanted things on his own terms. Never could commit to a time and place. He even called her impromptu on Christmas eve to come over.

He was emotionally unavailable.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

True to a point, but this term "wanting" can be quite illusive to define, and each and every individual places their line in the sand in terms of where wanting has faded to a point of no longer being recognizable to them as such. Some may even want that which they loath, and for some others that which they want/are looking for may be in constant flux, and for some again, there may even be denial in place in terms of what they do actually want. Then there is the social philosophical discussion as to the relationship between wanting and needing. Some would even argue that the empirical position is currently set at them being one of the same.
I want to be living with a nightmare lodger, that picks up the process of sueing me each and every time she is coming down from a fix, I want to live with her for the challenge, the drama, can I fix her before she ruins me, before it`s too late? - We may indeed "want" for some paradoxical reason, reason perhaps nor obvious to anyone. Whilst in our social interactions there exists only a propensity for us to handle simplicity we are actually highly complex beings, so here there lies considerable paradox. Should I not be able to offer a girl balance of friendship I would go there in conversation and explain to her why not, but then, I `m a guy in my sixties and as every girl should know therefore better to be trusted.

No, I do n`t consider myself to be "special" but neither do I hide myself away from the world either. I do n`t consider myself special but at the same time neither am I ashamed of myself. I know that I have a lot to offer in this province of relationships

1 Reply

@celebritydiscodave,

They way you talk, on an relationship advice forum, makes me wonderhow often you find yourself just acting on something...and how often you find yourself just arguing with yourself.

Seriously, a whole post on another persons use of the word 'wanting'? Why not reply to the gist of the advice?

I'm not sure if there in an emoticon that expresses 'bemused'

1 Reply

@vikorr,

On the surface it appears your point is a strong one, but in the real world, as I`ve said, I take on board homeless girls and am in the business of constant decision making even on their own behalf, little time to think, constantly acting, and reacting.
The point which I was making, I thought rather well, required a background. The point I was making was this, that "wanting", and the extent of it is too
often an evasive commodity, too easily over shadowed by given outside stresses, also that a measure for wanting/apparent wanting at any give time may not be, in my opinion, the most useful marker to service for what really counts, the degree of genuine regard/caring. Wanting is a self commodity, and genuine caring a selfless commodity, where there is not necessarily the same
demands made upon time and place. Genuine caring is primarily concerned for the others happiness and well being, and the decision might well be made that too much of their comp[any may undermine this.

1 Reply

@celebritydiscodave,

The OP apparently "wants" attention from older, wiser men.

She risks losing her "today" man if she doesn't realize that and puts her "wants" in its place, even though she thinks she genuinely cares about him.
.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

I would n`t wish to assume to know what she thinks, I have n`t even met her. Could you repeat that with more language.

0 Replies

I'm confused???

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