Lets Save Some Relationships!

Well, the first characteristics that came to mind for me, and this is not just about intimate relationships, but friendships as well is: Be open, be honest and always be yourself.

Communicate...about EVERYTHING. ( And do it before you get married. )

Know and understand that you cannot change someone. If you can't stand something about them now, you will never be able to stand it later.

Be honest but fair and loving.

Don't accuse. If you have a question about behavior, ask and stick to the FACTS.

Respect privacy. You are still two people; not one brain in two bodies.

Laugh laugh laugh.

Remind each other why you married him/her.

Look your spouse/other in the eyes when you say I love you. Otherwise, it becomes just another phrase.

Stick together and present a united front against the world. (and your kids) Support each other.

Sex IS important in a relationship. But so is friendship. Always remember that your lover is also (and was first) your best friend.

Just a few I think are important.

good stuff kristie

Oh and one other.... (reminded by the comment you made and the knowledge that I don't always do all those things... )

remember that even though you and your other know all this stuff, no one always applies it. Learn to cut a little slack and carefully choose your battles. Are dirty dishes in the sink worth a 3 1/2 hour fight?

-If your girlfriend hasn't had her period this month...RUN. To another state and have your name changed.

-Nothing says "I love you" like two black eyes.

-To women: don't f#*k up the sandwich. It's not that hard.

-Oh, and don't be too clingy. It's annoying.

Respect
Respect each others space, time, thoughts, desires. Always respect what the other person does for you. Always respect the fact that you are NOT the same people ( Kristie always takes the good comments hahah )
Respect thier thoughts .. as they are diffrent from yours and come from an entirely diffrent life and diffrent experiences.
Respect thier time. As thier time is a gift to you that you can not measure.

Be lovers first
Remember, this person is your lover. They see you in the most intimate parts ofyour life. Treat them as such. The most important person in your relationship is the person you share it with. Not you. With out them there IS no relationship... it is just you.

Friendship
Start out as friends. Remember later on that this person is your best friend TOO , along with being a lover. Friends laugh, love and accept the other person 100%.

Love is an action
I believe love is an action. It isnt the feeling you get when you see someone, it is the work you do to GET that feeling. If love is thought of as an action, people would do it more and stop expecting it. Love is something you do for a person. Love is a gift, a card, sex, hugs, talks, fights, all those ACTIONS create the feeling you get when you see someone. The feelings of content, excitement, happiness etc.. all come from acts of Love.

My biggest suggestion and my number one rule for myself
Remove the words Seperation and Divorce from your vocabulary when you decide to marry. Thinking that relationships with people and other peoples time and emotions are disposable is the one thing that will tear down any kind of relationship. When you remove the idea that " i can leave if this doesnt work" you put 100% of yourself into a relationship and WORK on keeping it that way. You find ways to work things out. You find middle ground on issues . You love more, you relax, and you enjoy each others time.

> That is all for my session of Sesame Street <

Go by your gut instincts, when you first meet the person, BEFORE you become emotionally involved. When I think back, I was dead on about both my husbands on the FIRST DATE!

Don't try to make your partner responsible for filling up your life. Have your own friends, have outside interests, go places, read things, talk to people...do things with lots of other people and not just always with your partner. It will make you a more interesting person to live with, and it will help you put the day-to-day annoyances of living with your partner in perspective.

YES YES YES!!!

Our minister always tell us:

Your job does not end when you get home from your 8-5 p.m. job. You have another job that's MORE IMPORTANT that starts the second you walk in your home. The people at your second job need you more than the first, so if you choose to be lazy at one of your jobs .....be careful to which one it is.

Woah, more replies than I expected.

I would add IMO:

- Having emotional intelligence and learn to control your violent emotions and reactions.
- Learn when to start talking and when to stop. Important conversations and negotiations have to be done in a "cool and collected" state of mind, and in a neutral environment too.

I shall think up other stuff...

You know, there would be so many less divorces if people really understood that. Because I think that a lot less people would get married if they stopped to think about what marriage is really like. It is wonderful wonderful wonderful but it is damn hard work.

I soooooooo agree!!!

I'm not so sure, Kristie. I worked DAMN hard in my first marriage, in fact it was nothing BUT work. That's because we didn't have a good relationship. Every anniversary for five years, I felt like I deserved a parade for all the work I'd done. When we divorced, I thought that had been the longest five years of my life. And it had. It felt more like 20.

Several years after that I met my current husband, and I can honestly say it hasn't been work at all. Not compared to what I went through before. All this relationship takes is a little mutual consideration, respect and making time for each other. Which is hardly "work," since we genuinely like being together. I can barely believe we've been married for over 21 years. It feels like 5.

Eva speaks wisely, as usual.

Oh yeah.. here is a cheat for women..
Want your relationships to work?
Marry men like Cav.
Secure, intelligent, funny, and they dont eat at MCDONALDS!
:wink:

Oh I agree with you Eva, that you shouldn't be a slave to your marriage in order to maintain it but what I am saying is that love isn't just roses and sunshine. There are hills to climb, dragons to slay, and a whole lot of dirty laundry. That's what people don't get. They think you get married and everythin just works itself out. You know as well as I do that this is just not always true. Is it always work? No. But is some comprimise and constriant necessary sometimes. Yes. I think love is being willing to work through the hard times. It might suck but after you've gotten past the rough times, the good times are really good. Do I think it is worth it? Hell yeah.

Eva is a wise woman.

Yep, that sounds right. :wink: I will convert to some religion that permits bigamy, go to services once in a while, do the yadda yadda. Any takers?