Blackout drunk and scared I cheated

Mon 10 Jul, 2017 02:54 pm
I met my boyfriend last August, he is the most amazing, funny, handsome man I have ever met. We are such a great match, we have so much in common, he is my best friend, my soulmate and love of my life…I would never even consider cheating in my fully aware/conscious mind!! Even if I was with someone I wasn’t happy with, I would never want to hurt someone - it’s against all of my morals.

A couple months after getting into a relationship with him, my friend and I decided to go out for some drinks, we were both upset/worried at the time about certain things and I guess we thought going out would take our minds of it. We went to a bar that I knew (we had already drank quite a lot before going here) and I bumped into a guy that I knew from a previous job (lets call him Bob). He was with his cousin and we all introduced ourselves and both of the guys knew my boyfriend.

We got drinks at the bar and we were chatting for a while about how I was messed around by my previous job (where he works) and somehow his cousin and my friend ended up dancing together/kissing. Me and ‘Bob’ carried on chatting at the bar and he ended up buying me a LOT of drinks/shots…

I remember us all dancing together and singing the words to the songs. Me and ‘Bob’ sat down talking on the sofas, we were sat quite close together so we could hear over the music. He began to be very flirty and ended up telling me that he really liked me ever since he met me. I remember saying that I was flattered etc and that he was a really nice guy but obviously I had a boyfriend (I remember saying this multiple times) he then said that he didn’t care. Then things go quite hazy…

I don’t remember anything from there apart from getting out of the taxi with my friend and ‘Bobs’ cousin back to our place (me and my friend lived together)

I woke up the next day in a panic and feeling very anxious and worried because I couldn’t remember the last couple hours of the evening (apart from getting out the taxi and walking through my door). I asked my friend if I had done anything because I remembered how flirty and full-on Bob had been. She told me that that he had been VERY flirty and when we were outside getting food before we went home, Bob kept touching my bum and her and Bob’s cousin had to keep interrupting to tell him that I had a boyfriend. She also said that I told him that I had a boyfriend and then apparently he finally backed off…

I had also received a message from Bob from the early hours of the morning (when he got back home) telling me how much of a great night he had and to let him know if I wanted to catch up again soon. This freaked me out because surely if I had been rejecting him all night, he wouldn’t have been so happy and want to meet with me again?

Later on in the day he messaged me again saying that he was very sorry for drunk texting me and said ‘apparently I had a good time haha’ (hinting that he didn’t remember sending it) and ‘thanks for putting up with me’ and went on to ask me how my friend and his cousin got on. I didn’t reply and about a month later he messaged me to tell me he was at the bar (that we saw each other in) and if I was out? I said no, and then he asked me if I was about during the holidays, because it would be ‘cool to catch up’ I told him that I wouldn’t be around and I haven’t heard from him since. This makes me wonder, what was it that he wanted to ‘catch up’ about seeing as we weren’t that great of friends before.

It has now been 9 months since this night and I still worry frequently that something happend between us. Even though my friend said she didn’t see anything, she was very drunk herself and may not have seen everything that happened when we were inside the bar. The main reason I am worried is because when I was with a previous partner, I ended up getting so drunk I didn’t remember the night and found out that I had kissed someone… (I was completely in love with my then-boyfriend and again, WOULD NEVER even contemplate doing anything like this if I was sober/in my right mind!!!)

Part of me wants to message Bob and ask him if anything actually happened that night, but another part of me doesn’t want to open a can of worms. If nothing has been said after all this time it either means that nothing happened… OR something did but no one saw/no one is going to say anything. Even though Bob’s cousin is friends with my boyfriend he obviously isn’t going to say anything because he wouldn’t want to get Bob in trouble. I’m scared that sometime in the near or far future I will bump into Bob and he will say something about it - I don’t know how I would be able to tell and hurt my best friend and have him very likely leave me.

Before anyone says - I KNOW I should not have got that drunk in the first place. I didn’t intend on blacking out and not remembering. At the time, I thought it was kind and great that someone kept buying me drinks/shots, and now looking back I realise how bad/creepy it looks and how irresponsible it was of me.

All I want is some advice and see what people think I should do. Should I quit worrying and leave things as they are and accept that my friend saw nothing and that Bob never mentioned anything the next day?

Thanks so much in advance.
Mon 10 Jul, 2017 03:03 pm
I realize you don't want to hear about getting drunk to the blackout state. However, by your own admission, that has happened at least twice.

But let's get back to that later.

There is no reason at all to (a) harp on this and (b ) be in contact with this douche who couldn't take no for an answer and groped you all night despite how much you protested.

So block his ass.

Did you cheat? Helfino, but let's give you a pass on that one. You woke up not pregnant, without an STD, and with both your kidneys, right? So Let. It. Go.

But - you should not let go of the drinking issue. This is serious. You are fortunate, as I mentioned above, that you didn't get pregnant or an STD. No one raped you (probably; you would most likely have felt enough in the morning to know if you had had intercourse). No one smashed a beer bottle over your head. No one stole your wallet.

But there was every possibility that they could have.

A bit of advice. Treat dating and socializing a lot like driving. As in, try to do them sober, or at least recognize when you're no longer in control and get outside assistance, whether that is a ride home in an Uber or calling a friend or up and leaving the bar, party, or whatever.

Because you got by, by the skin of your teeth. Twice.

Please stop tempting fate this way.
Mon 10 Jul, 2017 03:44 pm
jespah wrote:
But - you should not let go of the drinking issue. This is serious.

One episode like this is a sign you may have a drink problem. Two is a dead cert.

Because you got by, by the skin of your teeth. Twice.

This is the kind of luck that runs out.

Please stop tempting fate this way.

Yes. Please.
0 Replies
Tue 11 Jul, 2017 06:30 am
Nine months have gone by and theres been no repercussions. You lucked out.

Use this as a lesson: you and alcohol dont mix.

Are you drinking with your BF now?
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Tue 11 Jul, 2017 10:04 am
If you were too intoxicated (or unconscious) to knowingly give permission for sex, then, under Florida law, you may have been raped (Involuntary Sexual Battery).
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Wed 12 Jul, 2017 10:39 am
jespah as usual gives the best advice

To add - it is unlikely you actually had sex with this man - two reasons - I think when you woke up you would might have known by your own body (not going to get into gory specifics I think you know what I mean); and two sounds like he was way too drunk to perform any way.

He is probably reaching out to you to try to hook up or maybe see if you are still with your boyfriend...just trying his luck.
Wed 12 Jul, 2017 02:36 pm
Hi Linkat

I'm not worried that we had sex - just that we may have kissed/made out at the bar. Even though this is not as bad as sex, it is still cheating and I would be devastated to find out if this happened.
Wed 12 Jul, 2017 05:38 pm
If you consider it to be cheating, then you cheated. No one else's opinion matters. Only your own.

What you do with information is up to you.
0 Replies

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