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Tue 23 Nov, 2004 01:53 pm
I live with my girlfriend. She and I just recently broke off commitment (her decision). I had been with her for just a little over a year and had been serious with her for about 8 months. We are still intimate with each other and spend some time together. But lately she does this thing. She calls me on her way home from work and says "I'm gonna go to my Mom's". I know for a fact that she's really going to her ex-boyfriend's house who she's recently been seeing again. So after some pressure she eventually admits to me but makes it clear that I do not really have the right to object since we are no longer together. She'll say "but I'll only be a little bit and I'll come home soon". But she never does. But when she does want to spend time with me, she gets it. This ex for hers has been a thorn in my side for quite some time now. I feel like she's never really completely gotten over him over the course of our relationship. What should I do? And I also feel as though she did this exact same thing to him when she started seeing me. What should I do? Part of me wants her to love me like we used to and part of my wants to stop hurting from this. Is there anything I can tell her that will make her change her mind and want to come back to being committed to me?
there is nothing you can do. you broke up and it isn't your decision. you can't make someone love you. and why would you want to? I say try to find a new place to live. good luck.
Wait a minute Kristie...perhaps fuzzy is a practicing masochist, in which case he should continue waffling and providing a doormat for his ex.
panzade wrote:Wait a minute Kristie...perhaps fuzzy is a practicing masochist, in which case he should continue waffling and providing a doormat for his ex.
you are truly wicked.... :wink:
Follow up
Well we are moving apart in about two weeks. We've agreed that it is going to be better. She tells me she loves me and I don't know any other way to explain it but when she tells me I know she means it. I guess "love" doesn't guarantee anything. I know, I know, I have probably done too much to try to make it easier for her to be able to have access to me whenever she feels like it. I am learning that trying to make her realize one thing only pushes her further away. For now, I am denying her phone calls and refusing to make any contact with her as well. She still tells me that I am the one she wants to marry one day, just not right now. Let me add that I am 28 and she is 20. I think she needs to just get a lot of things out of her system first. She still tells me that I am the one she still introduces as her boyfriend, I am the one who goes to her family functions, Thanksgiving, Christmas. If I am able to eventually break the extreme emotional attachment that I have with her right now and just see it as an opportunity to be able to have intimate relations with her from time to time, do you think I should do it? Is it going to be worth my time?
Move out.
Don't be her public figure boyfriend.
She's made a choice to break up.
Let her deal with it.
She needs to grow up, and you need to find someone who really wants to be with you.
Too many if's. I'd say break the extremely emotional attachment before you think about anything else. See where you are once you're a little more clear-eyed.
She's really giving you a raw deal, don't let her. (Unless, as panzade says, the humiliation is itself exciting -- whatever floats your boat.)
Is she trying to spare me
I am going to move out. Dec 6, 2004.
Why can't she just tell me straight out "Hey, I have lost interest in you and have gained interest in someone else", instead of leading me on? Is she trying to spare my feelings because it just seems to hurt more.
The only that knows for sure is your ex, but I'm guessing it's easier to avoid a direct confrontation - so she's avoiding.
quick thank you
and by the way, thanks you guys for listening and giving me some feedback... It's helping me out a lot.
She's only 20 years old and probably trying to cope
with her feelings as well. A mature person can talk
about emotions and discuss a break-up or other issues.
An emotionally inmature person cannot.
In a few years, she might be the right candidate again,
but for now you two have no common grounds for
a relationship.
It does hurt, but time will heal your wounds.
Good luck to you!
Okay..the hard part
I am supposed to go with her this Thursday to Las Vegas for her birthday. It was planned well in advance so I'm kinda stuck to this schedule. And I'm not going to lie to you, a big part of me wants to go and spend this time with her. She has also made it clear that she definitely wants me to go to Vegas with her and no one else. I know that I am probably just in denial with thinking that this weekend trip is going to open up her eyes and realize that she had been wrong all along.
Welcome to A2K...and sorry I was so flippant...you're a thoughtful and caring man...but I ask you to do one thing for me. Turn it around.
Would you treat her as she is treating you?
If the answer is no, you need to find someone with more similar sensibilities.
sleepfuzzy, I think you know exactly what to do, and just need to go ahead and do it.
You're not stuck to anything.
What did I get myself into??
No problem Panzade. I feel welcome already.
Geez, you guys are going to laugh, but I've really dug myself deep into complications with this one. We share a joint credit card together, bought a bunch of furniture together, she is a dependant on my medical insurance, and she pays my cell phone bill. Funny, I know.
I'll just tough it out. I hope I can be strong. I need to muster up the strength to say "I'm sorry, I can't go with you to Vegas, or the Holiday functions any longer". I refuse to keep hurting myself this way and refuse to allow you to treat me this way.
Most excellent...and you might be surprised...she might find the assertive fuzzy an alluring fuzzy.
that sounds dirty panzade....
Is this the same Bimbo that Carbunkle was torching?....hello?
My gratitude
Well thank you guys for everything. I'll let time pass as painful as it may be, and I do know that as each day goes by it becomes easier and easier to deal with. So thanks for lending me a hand and hearing me out. I'll keep you posted on the situation as things evolve.
Good for you!
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