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Tue 20 Jun, 2017 01:51 am
I will try to make this short. I had a relationship with a guy for almost 1 year. I stuck with him, because he loved me a lot – anytime, I wanted something (little things), go somewhere – he would come to the rescue! Sadly I was not sexually attracted to him (we didn’t even kiss). I admit, I didn’t try to give him the same affection, maybe cause I took it all for granted.
To me, sexual attraction is very important – and I felt that IF I had sex with him (I didn’t – not a risk taker), it would feel weird, maybe like having sex with my older brother. I asked myself, what am I doing with this person, whom I am not attracted to, no steady income and I believe he had a hot temper (not at me but others).
He pressured me into marriage and was angry when I told him I just wasn’t ready. We split, and didn’t contact him for 10 years. I felt miserable for hurting him, beating myself up, and had no time to even date – working 2 jobs, and other obligations.
I did think about him, once in a while, and I messaged him on facebook, and he replied. The pictures were not clear, but he seemed more attractive, more beefy looking (he was terrible skinny before). He told me was a lecturer for 10 years, and even drove a car. I was happy for him.
I told him about my recent health problems i.e. epilepsy, thyroid issues, etc. He immediately wanted to meet me, but cancelled as had an appointment with his wife.
OK, the guy is married, and happy, but I asked myself ‘what IF I had waited’, would the sexual attraction come later?? Was it my fault that it didn’t work out? I am not sure if I am being selfish but I was truly happy for him. I just told him to take care of his wife and wished him a good marriage. However, deep down I am sad – I am not sure if it’s because I am lonely and sick or I miss his company. The thing is, I know he wants to see me, and I am happy to meet his wife – BUT I am scared to death, I may develop some sexual feelings towards him if I see him. I am praying that I have NO attraction to him, when we meet. Should I see him or not? This is stupid, but I feel like the lead cast in the movie ’13 going on 30’.
@melitan,
There is nothing wrong with going to see an old friend - in particular as he is keeping it completely above board and inviting his wife along (and being open with you that he is married).
There is also nothing wrong with having a fantasy or a crush on someone you can't have. Lots of people do - it's no big deal.
So if you find you think he's attractive - so what? It's like being attracted to a movie star. It can't possibly go anywhere.
I'm sorry you're ill and lonely - so take some initiative and seek out people. Not necessarily men; just, get some human company in your life. Seriously consider counseling, too, to work out your feelings.
You sound isolated and depressed and you don't have to be.
I think you should just let this very gently and quietly slip through your fingers and let it go . . . no need to meet up with him or even talk to him thru social media (think of his wife, please.) Don't spend time second guessing your decisions from the past.
Take his well wishes and that's it.
Promise yourself you will look forward. You have health challenges and need to focus on that - and finding a "today" man.
Good luck.
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