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Am I insecure?

 
 
Reply Sun 11 Jun, 2017 08:17 pm
I was on a dating site called [moderator: link removed] . One night while sitting at my computer I was on the site and I came across a picture of a beautiful woman from Nashville, TN. I thought to myself: What is a beautiful woman like this doing on a Christian dating site? I decided to take a chance and send her a message not expecting her to write me back. To my surprise she did. We hit it off right away and got along very well. I We connected so well that she asked me to come see her in Nashville. I was excited and wanted to meet her so I started making plans to go see her. I contacted a local travel agency three days later about booking a flight and hotel and the woman told me that I could book a flight to Nashville for around $200 if I went from June 3rd - June 10th. I was excited when I received this news and I told the woman from Nashville what the travel agency had told me. Right away I could sense that her mood and demeanor changed. She told me that she was glad I was coming but that she couldn't hang out with me for the entirety of my trip and that she could only hang out with me at night. She told me that she was renovating her house and she was trying to get it ready for some renters to move in. I tried to not let that bother me and I told her that it was ok and that we'd figure something out. A few days later she traveled to Nepal with Hope Force International so I didn't get to talk to her as much as I would have liked. I did try to talk to her some using Whatsapp but I tried not to bother her as she was working. She didn't talk to me very much and that got me worried into thinking she wasn't interested in me anymore. In the beginning she had told me that she wanted to meet me. She said that she could tell that she was falling for me. Knowing this I reminded her that she said she really wanted to meet me. I asked her if she still felt the same way. I also reminded her that she said that she really wanted to meet me. I asked her if she still felt the same way. The next morning I got a long response back from her that said to answer your questions the answer to both is no. This left me really confused. When I tried to get an explanation from her she said "I feel like you're so insecure and that's a big turn off for me." "You keep asking me about us and how good I'm feeling about us." "You're a good guy just not for me." Before all of this we talked about meeting and I told her that I wasn't comfortable traveling by myself. I was more comfortable if a friend came with me. However, I told her that I would take the plunge and come on my own if my friend said no. To make a long story short she is no longer talking to me. She blocked me on Whatsapp and she blocked me from sending her messages on Facebook and she unfriended me. I asked her if she still wanted to meet me and if she still could tell if she's fallen for me because I didn't want to waste my time and fly all the way to Nashville for nothing. Am I wrong here? Am I insecure? I've felt many emotions since this has happened. I really like this woman and I don't want to give up on this. I feel like we had a connection and she felt the same way. I shared personal things about my life with her that I don't just share with just anyone. I felt like I could trust her and she hurt me. Despite being hurt I still have feelings for her. I can't stop thinking about her. I wish things didn't turn out the way they did and if I could do it all over again I would do things differently. Am I really insecure? How do I stop being insecure?

NOTE TO EVERYONE: I have a disability called Cerebral Palsy and I was very scared to tell her that I have a disability because I've been rejected so much by women in the past. I asked a lot of friends what to do and they said to tell her so I took their advice and I told her and to my surprise she was ok with it.
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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 416 • Replies: 10
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 11 Jun, 2017 08:22 pm
@CHRISALLEN3285,
CHRISALLEN3285 wrote:
Knowing this I reminded her that she said she really wanted to meet me. I asked her if she still felt the same way. I also reminded her that she said that she really wanted to meet me. I asked her if she still felt the same way. The next morning I got a long response back from her that said to answer your questions the answer to both is no. This left me really confused.


there's nothing to be confused about.

she is not interested in meeting you

__

accept it

move on

don't bother her anymore
CHRISALLEN3285
 
  1  
Reply Sun 11 Jun, 2017 08:25 pm
@ehBeth,
She was interested in meeting me in the beginning.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 11 Jun, 2017 08:29 pm
@CHRISALLEN3285,
She isn't anymore

Move on. Leave her alone.
CHRISALLEN3285
 
  1  
Reply Sun 11 Jun, 2017 08:45 pm
@ehBeth,
I have left her alone. What I am trying to understand is why this happened and how it happened. Things were going great and then things just changed.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 11 Jun, 2017 08:50 pm
@CHRISALLEN3285,
CHRISALLEN3285 wrote:
if I went from June 3rd - June 10th.

I was excited when I received this news and I told the woman from Nashville what the travel agency had told me. Right away I could sense that her mood and demeanor changed. She told me that she was glad I was coming but that she couldn't hang out with me for the entirety of my trip and that she could only hang out with me at night.


too much, too soon

a weekend maybe but a week for a first meeting? that's too much unless you had other things to do in Nashville

__

when she said she was interested in meeting you, did you talk about when/how long? etc before you contacted the travel agent?

__

the next time you try something like this with someone else, talk about the potential plans more before you start gathering details.
CHRISALLEN3285
 
  1  
Reply Sun 11 Jun, 2017 09:04 pm
@ehBeth,
I wanted to spend some time with her and get to know her and I felt like 7 days was enough. No, we didn't talk about when or how long. I just simply contacted the travel agency and I spoke with a woman and told her that I met someone on a Christian dating site and that she wanted to meet me and I wanted to meet her and I was thinking of going to Nashville sometime in July and that I was looking for something not so expensive. She told me if I went from July 3rd - July 10th I could get a flight for around $200. She gave me other flights and other dates but $200 was the cheapest. I immediately told the woman from Nashville this and asked her if those dates were ok with her. She said she was ok with it but that she couldn't hang out with me for the entirety of my trip and that she could only hang out with me at night. I did talk about potential plans with her but she made it sound like she's so busy that she didn't have a lot of time. Why would you tell someone that you really want to meet them and that you're excited if you don't really have a lot of time? I would think that if someone truly wanted to meet me she would make time for me no matter how busy she might be.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 11 Jun, 2017 09:08 pm
@CHRISALLEN3285,
CHRISALLEN3285 wrote:
No, we didn't talk about when or how long.


that was a mistake
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 11 Jun, 2017 09:10 pm
@CHRISALLEN3285,
CHRISALLEN3285 wrote:
I spoke with a woman and told her that I met someone on a Christian dating site and that she wanted to meet me and I wanted to meet her and I was thinking of going to Nashville sometime in July and that I was looking for something not so expensive.


other than July and not expensive was too much information to give the travel agent

in any case - a 24 - 36 hour trip would have been more than enough for the first visit

__

you made a few mistakes and hopefully you will know better if something like this comes up again
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 11 Jun, 2017 09:11 pm
@CHRISALLEN3285,
CHRISALLEN3285 wrote:
I would think that if someone truly wanted to meet me she would make time for me no matter how busy she might be.


a few hours over a couple of days - ok

more than that - you're expecting too much, especially when you haven't confirmed their availability in advance
0 Replies
 
CHRISALLEN3285
 
  1  
Reply Sun 11 Jun, 2017 09:27 pm
@ehBeth,
Well, I figured since she said she wanted to meet me the sooner the better. I thought I gave the travel agent solid information. You said I made a few mistakes. She made a few mistakes as well. I did confirm her availability. I asked her if me coming July 3rd - July 10th was ok with her and she said yes.
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