How do I deal with my intense insecurities in my relationship?

Reply Mon 16 Jan, 2017 10:43 am
Over the past year I’ve become incredibly insecure in myself, I have no confidence in myself and feel like i am not good enough for my current partner (been together nearly two years). I must stress he is amazing to me treats me like a princess but there are many things I cannot shake. I cannot shake the fact that I am opposite of his usual type, in every way; skin tone, hair type etc. Whilst his ex was his type to a T. I also cannot let go of the comments he has made about her (sexually).

Even the porn he watches these women never share any resemblance with me, not that they have to. I just notice a pattern in the types of women he is attracted to share many similarities amongst each other, collectively they are so different to me, literally the opposite. I don't even feel comfortable watching porn anymore because I feel so ugly and crap about myself.

I’ve internalised all of this now and believe I am not good enough to the point where my self esteem has dramatically plummeted and have become anxious about being around attractive women or being outside with him. Even watching TV with hot women makes me feel crap deep down. I’ve become so depressed and my moods are constantly low, I’ve taken up counselling, but I just can’t shake that I’m not good enough or that I will never be as good as them. This is taking over my life.
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Reply Mon 16 Jan, 2017 10:59 am
How long have you been working with your counsellor?
Have you talked to your partner about your concerns?
Reply Mon 16 Jan, 2017 11:03 am
A few weeks. Yes I have spoken with him and he has reassured me many times and been great about everything. I just can't stop.
Reply Mon 16 Jan, 2017 11:04 am
Give the counselling more time. Ask the counsellor for practical exercises you can use between sessions to help you with your insecurities.
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Reply Mon 16 Jan, 2017 03:33 pm
You are going to have to turn off those tapes that keep whispering in your ear that you:

will never be as pretty/smart/charming/ as . . .
will never be good enough for . . .
will never be as sexy as . . .

These old tapes came from somewhere. Identify where they come from and why and you can let them go.
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