How to deal with my insecurity?

Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2016 12:46 pm
I am a Japanese who is temporary living in the US. I have a boyfriend who is American, we met on a dating app, we've been dated for a few months now, and he recently started to call me his girlfriend. He's very gentle, cares about me a lot, but somehow I cannot believe that he likes me.

We have already talked about it, and he said there's no need me to worry about it 'cause he really likes me. However, he doesn't know that I know he's still using the dating app we met(I accidentally saw the notification from the app when he got the message from someone), and that makes me feel insecure.
I think he's looking for other girl who is American so he won't have communication problem with her, and doesn't have to think about her visa.

I want to trust him, I want to be with him in the future, I really like him, I would do long distance relationship if only I could believe what he says.

I am sick of this anxiousness, I don't want to cry anymore because of my relationship. Could anyone give me tips to deal with the insecurity?
I am very sorry for my poor English by the way, hope this post makes sense to everyone...
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2016 01:26 pm
Your English is fine.

Don't snoop. Talk to him. Ask him if he is still connected to the dating app. Not that you know; this is not a confrontation. Ask a question. It is a yes or no. If he says no, then you kind of have him in a lie. If he says yes and then oops, I forget I had that, I'll go delete it now, then try to believe him. If he says yes and then I want to keep my options open, then you'll have your answer.
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2016 01:55 pm
Thank you very much for replying.

Every time I think about these kind of things, I just cannot stop crying. When I talked about this with him last time, I couldn't explain well so he said "just say the word, don't sugar coat it." but I couldn't even say the word, and he said he's getting nervous because I obviously have concerns about him but wouldn't spill it.

Even if he answers yes, but he'll delete it, I'm sure I'll find another concern. I know I'm kinda annoying type of girl, needy, don't trust him, but I cannot control my feeling. I don't want to bother him, I don't want him to dislike me.

I will ask him next time we meet, I really hope he'll be honest with me.
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2016 07:03 pm
I would appreciate a straightforward woman who speaks her mind and stands up for herself. I think most men would. If he's a dog and wants other women, it has nothing to do with your visa or your language skills. Be strong, speak your mind, stand up for yourself. A long distance relationship probably won't work, so if your time here is limited, enjoy yourself while you are here, but save a relationship for a good man back home. Good luck to you!
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2016 08:14 pm
Thank you very much for encouraging me.

Isn't it annoying when the woman claims that she feels insecure or she simply cannot trust him? I'm too afraid to be disliked from him...
When I try to tell him about my feelings, I cannot speak any words like I don't know English at all. He always waits me until I finally find the way to explain, and helps me to put them into correct sentence. When I think of him, there're too many things I like about him. I don't know why I cannot trust him.
Anyways, I'll talk with him next time. I wish I could stay longer here in the US...
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