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What do I say, what do I do

 
 
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2016 09:44 pm
I'm suddenly an old woman, but some of that time was progressing.

If any of my pals wanted help, it wasn't about what to say - it would have been about varieties of how to think, opinions on that.

Sometimes on a2k I am startled by how much posters don't know how to talk, and not just those who for good reasons aren't conversant in english, which I obviously get. I say this as the world's most shy teen. I probably only held that crown for a few months.

My stuff was fixed by getting a job and meeting different people, but others will have other answers.

Your views?
 
Real Music
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2016 11:33 pm
@ossobuco,
I was never ever super shy, but back in my teens to my mid 20s I was sort of shy. I've work in various forms of customer service for over 30 years. I've also been on my own since I was 19. The many years of experience being around different people in all types of situations pretty much eliminated any shyness I once had. I am comfortable talking to virtually anyone, virtually any circumstance, on virtually any topic.

Here is a link that you might find interesting:

http://silverstreakonline.com/opinion/2014/02/11/technology-social-media-hinder-communication-skills/
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jun, 2016 11:53 pm
@Real Music,
Just read it. We get a lot of "what should I say" questions here and that is a puzzlement to me. I was quiet until, um, say, fifteen, lots of family moving episodes, but perked up when I knew more people. But in the mean time, I could talk if I wanted to.

My interest is, are we suddenly knowing people less, beyond the noise?
Real Music
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 12:19 am
@ossobuco,
Quote:
My interest is, are we suddenly knowing people less, beyond the noise?

Yes, I believe technology is preventing people from developing the art of face to face conversation. People are losing the art of reading body language. The fast pace of the world is moving so fast. Everyone have to have everything instantly. This is especially true with the younger people. I go through life taking my time. That old saying "take time to stop and smell the roses" describes me. Relax. Take your time. Don't put unnecessary stress upon yourself. Enjoy the company and conversation of others. Put down the mobile device and enjoy life. Slow down. Multi tasking is so overrated. When I talk to someone, I give that person my full and undivided attention without any distractions. I don't want anyone talking to me if they are multi tasking during our conversation. I find that to be rude.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 12:26 am
I don't know if I can make summaries about it, as I'm a bit out of the loop, but I am thrown by all the questions here about how to speak to him or her.

I'm not antagonistic to your take, similar to mine. I do multitask in my abode.
Real Music
 
  2  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 12:41 am
@ossobuco,
Young teenagers are often shy and don't know what to say to him or her. For young teens, that isn't unusual. That's the time in their lives when they are just learning how to talk to him or her. That has probably been true since the beginning of time. What may be a little unusual is when people who are well into their adult years don't know what to say to him or her. Yes, there can be any number of reasons. Everyone is different and have different life experiences. Some people lack confidence. Some people aren't comfortable with their physical appearance. Some people are unable to articulate what's on their mind.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 12:49 am
@Real Music,
Most of my classmates could talk, some shyer than others, such as me.

The whole on line questioning (tell me what to say to him) is imbecilic to me.
Will these questioners ever learn how to order a hamburger?
Real Music
 
  2  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 12:59 am
@ossobuco,
I remember in my teen years there were definitely a lot shy guys. I can't say to how shy the girls were. I do remember that often guys would have to build up the nerves to ask a girl out. They as well as myself would be shaky and nervous to what to say to the girl. That was just part of being a teenager. True there were some teens that could talk to girls easily. Those would be the cool guys who always gets the girl. I remember being a little shy when the girl would ask me out. The teen years are learning years. There's going to be rejection. There's going to be hearts broken. There's going to be some successes. That's all part of growing up.
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jespah
 
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Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 04:45 am
One issue is that the people we see here are self-selecting. They are coming because they have problems. Confident teens and young adults are handling their issues on their own.

But there is something about teen/young adult communications these days. So many of them seem to be mortified by the slightest breath of confrontation. I swear they should all take drama club. Learn how to say more than three words to people.
snood
 
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Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 09:01 am
Agree with Jespah's last post.

Also wanted to say that this thread title gave me a Boz Scaggs earworm
Leadfoot
 
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Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 10:23 am
@ossobuco,
I wasn't exactly shy, I just didn't know anything about dealing with other people for the first 14 or so years of life. That was due to my upbringing or lack thereof. No physical or mental abuse, I would call it 'benign neglect'. Family moved so often I had no chance to know anyone else and parents were 'unavailable'. Most of the time I felt like an alien dropped on the planet.

It may be more common than people admit or realize but I learned about other people/society almost exclusively through books and movies. After that I slowly started to practice being 'an earthling' until I could fake it well enough to get by.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 10:39 am
@Leadfoot,
We have that in common - I was an only child and my parents moved a lot too, until that pretty much stopped when I turned fourteen and we at least stayed in the same area. I did read a lot as a teen, and I think that was helpful.
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sozobe
 
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Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 11:16 am
@jespah,
Right, agreed completely on the self-selecting.

Also, I think they are willing to ask -- and I think that can be a sign of strength, not weakness. That is, it's not that their concerns are so much different from previous generations, but that what maybe was more likely to be an internal monologue then is brought out into the open now. And that they are willing to listen to and learn from those with more experience.

Generally I am so impressed with what I have seen of this generation, and push back against "kids today" stuff. The ones I know are pretty amazing.
Real Music
 
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Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 06:11 pm
@snood,
The lyrics in the old classic song seems appropriate for this topic. This song applies to so many people. According to the song, everybody plays the fool sometimes. And there are no exception to the rule.


0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 06:22 pm
@sozobe,
sozobe wrote:

I think they are willing to ask -- and I think that can be a sign of strength, not weakness. That is, it's not that their concerns are so much different from previous generations, but that what maybe was more likely to be an internal monologue then is brought out into the open now.


Yes, a lot of us back in the older days were interior monologists. It didn't occur to me to ask someone what to say to a guy. Could have been useful, but I might be different than I turned out to be, a self decision maker.
sozobe
 
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Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 06:26 pm
@ossobuco,
I don't think it's always mutually exclusive though. One can gather input and still ultimately be a self decision maker.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 06:41 pm
@sozobe,
True. That was not my experience though. I had some good and fun and serious times with other young women, growing into my twenties. We traveled together, met for birthday lunches, went to the beaches, went skiing. Were excited about boyfriends. Rare was there any one of us asking what to do or say with guys, or I just don't remember that. Problems arose, one friend having an early hysterectomy, for example, and we were all there for her, so were were close, but also into ourselves.

I just remembered. Maybe my stance on this involves a friend in my teen years who was all about herself and trouble with the pilot guy. I was the ear. Laughs - I must have repressed that. So maybe I have since then been more avoidant of being miss wise as a long term mode.
sozobe
 
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Reply Mon 6 Jun, 2016 09:18 pm
@ossobuco,
I had one of those friends.

Then again, I WAS one of those friends for a while. High school dating scene was difficult and traumatic for me; I was in perpetual mooning mode with few and brief actual relationships. When I went off to college I immediately found myself in a triangle and it consumed me utterly. TWO great guys! Not only one, but TWO! At the same time! What to do, who to choose, what to do, ack. I talked about it way too much.

But I'm definitely a self-decision person in general, and appreciated the advice I received, including from closer friends who said "Whatever, just decide already and shut up about it before I murder you."
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