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Wed 17 Nov, 2004 01:23 pm
Ill try to make this as clear and brief as possible.
My GF and I finally broke up after a 5 month relationship and 2 weeks of a "breakup time-lets think about it" time. We are 19 and 18 years old respectively. I was her 10th boyfriend and she was only my second. You can see my previous posts to see what detonated the problem.
After having some incompatibility-tolerance issues, she stated that she was still confused about her feelings towards me. I love her, and she (as well as me) is sure of it. She loved me, but now she is unsure. Emotionally she is pretty much unstable and confused. Very social, she states that she is "unable to be alone" and seeks company quickly.
Although this relationship was a breakthrough (emotionally and sexually) for her, I know that she really cares for me, because she could easily have continued the game, but prefered to be honest with me, something I liked. It was a tough decision for her, one taken from the head and not the heart. In the end, we left in tears after a passionate kiss. I told her that if she regretted the breakup, I would be glad to try it again. She said she hoped that happened, but that first she wanted to know by herself.
I perfectly understand that. After reading some work from Erich Fromm, you cant have loneliness issues and seek company, cause it wont work. But, the point is: if I want to return with her, but also want to get over it, what should I do?
She told me that we could still see each other, but I replied that I couldnt do that, cause I will keep on dreaming. She is a very strong person, but she seeks me through instant and text messages as well. Should I ignore her? Block her? Try to have some "we are friends" approach? Speak clearly and tell her that I'm sad?
Breakup was on sunday, I really want to go over it, but Im still in love.
You seem to have a good attitude and your ex-novia is a lucky girl. I personally choose the move on - no messages route...it's easier for me.
Only other thing I can add with hindsight is that you'll love many more before you're through. The chances of finding your true love in a 30 mile radius of where you live is pretty slim.
was in the same situation...i know how u are feeling and it hurts alot, i kinda cut off contact with my ex for a while and then once it stopped hurting and i accepted it, i started speaking, we can speak to eachother thru AIM now, but i choose not to be around her in person...idk i guess that just the way things turned out. But ya, i found it to be easier to just give eachother our space. The only difference i think between our situations though is that you said you two were fighting so i assume you expected things to end to a certain extent...my girl just ended it one day out of nowhere, so i had some resentment, let me know what you choose to do
Yeah, I knew it was coming, at least for the most part.
Though, Its tough. Sometimes I'm resentfull , sometimes I'm glad that it happened, sometimes I hope and think that theres a possibility for us to end together again. In fact, theres going to be a party with my 4 friends and their respective girlfriends on friday. I thought of inviting her when we still were together, and it could be a good opportunity to see if we can still be friends (although it can be a bit too soon).
I really dont know what to do and how to accomplish it. I dont know whats best for me, and for her as well.
panzade wrote:
Only other thing I can add with hindsight is that you'll love many more before you're through.
oh yeah...you'll meet "the one" at least 3 times. But don't worry....when you actually do meet the one, it's different. You will know.
Wow, remarkably mature for your age... or any age...
Don't take the "for you age" as an insult. I'm just thinking of all the immature things I did in high school.
you need a good, sweaty, perverse grudge f*#king...the kind where your stomachs rub together and make those farting noises...that'll transition you right out....take it from me....
I was thinking the same thing SCoates
hmm. Tough one.
I suppose I can speak from personal experience here.
I've been through two painful breakups.
With the first, I cut off all contact with him completely. But that was because he had infuriated me, and even today I still hold a grudge for the disrespect he gave me. He was a poison for me- he weighed me down and made me sad and angry quite often... so it was no difficulty for me to remove him from my life.
With the second, I couldn't cut off contact. I loved him still; I knew that I'd be in more pain without him at all, than to not have him as a bf. I needed him as the friend he had been to me, and he needed my friendship too. The timing was just not right for us... and emotionally we were too conflicted to stay together, despite whatever we felt for each other.
However!
Now we're engaged, after getting back together recently. I don't want to give you false hopes!; but just as my advice, if you break contact with a genuinely good person, you prevent anything else from happening. Neither of us really knew we'd get back together: Life became easier, and we became closer, so it just.. happened.
And who knows... you could end up being magnificent friends someday.
Breakups hurt. But don't let heartache keep you away from a good friend/etc in your life.
good advice...and welcome to A2K
SCoates wrote:Wow, remarkably mature for your age... or any age...
Don't take the "for you age" as an insult. I'm just thinking of all the immature things I did in high school.
Yes, I taught him well. :wink:
and remember Pohl...
Hoy es un día importante.
SCoates wrote:Wow, remarkably mature for your age... or any age...
Don't take the "for you age" as an insult. I'm just thinking of all the immature things I did in high school.
Ditto, ditto and ditto again.....wow.
Joe...you are the bomb. :wink:
panzade wrote:good advice...and welcome to A2K
Thank you
-waves-
Hey people, I'm only 18... and I take my relationships very seriously >_> (Romantically) mature high-schoolers (although I've entered college now
) DO exist! It's just that immature ones usually complain louder... or maybe it just seems that way?
Not my doing directly, SCoates. But I feel that our conversations have helped us (el_pohl and me) both mature faster.
About this situation, I think he's better off without messages of any sort.
My prediction is (borrowing cav's runes) that he'll talk to her for some time (some months) and then break communication with her.
Lady J, you are the napalm :wink:
.:Aurora Dark:. wrote:if you break contact with a genuinely good person, you prevent anything else from happening.
Whoa, I've never thought it that way! Breaking contact would not even be really hard on me, but I suppose that equally tough on her. I agree with you on that. I don't know whats best on the long run, yet I suppose that ending communication like that is just covering the problem with dirt (or burying for that matter
). And yes, shes a good person, why not be friends? Dont know if I will be able to do that, but I suppose its worth trying.
Thanks for all your insight, and well... there are times that call for maturity.
And yes, Joe and I live in the same 15 mile radius. I think you're right in your predictions man. I guess our chats has helped us both... both, right Joe?
Di que si, jajaja. :wink:
Sí.
And did you realize that, by context, you just referred to me as your true love?
[edit: grammar problems]
Haha, I think I should edit that last post...
Geez Joe, dont you think that you try too hard sometimes?
Thanks everyone though, I'm glad for the ideas. The more the merrier.
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