I feel like I'm going to be the spinster with dogs (instead being a cat lady)...

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I posted about my last dating fiasco on another post. He and I dated for a couple of months and there were communication issues, miscommunication issues and an outright argument - needless to say I recently opted to kill that situation off and try to bury it.

He's trying to do what many do after the fact, he's trying to fix an issue after the fact, that will never work. He is who he is - selfish and egotistical. Some will recall he mentioned wanting to impregnate me for his own selfish reasons.

Prior to him I'd been single and celibate for over two years. I basically went into my shell and did not want to be bothered because of previous disappointments. The person that led me to that point was such an utter disaster.

I gave that guy a few chances to try to step up and he continued to prove that he would never be who and what I needed in my life. The last straw with him was when he wanted me to meet a relative of his - his grandfather whom he referred to as his dad and he told me that he lived in a certain area, which is a bit over an hour away.

When in actuality that relative lives in a completely different area almost three hours away. I didn't learn that until we were enroute in his car to see him. I knew upon the return back that I was done with him.

I'm not sure wth I've done to keep drawing these dysfunctional and egotistical males to me, but it has made me completely lose faith in men and relationships overall. I wasn't even out there dating or having sex and each time I've ended up with someone that would never measure up.

Someone said that it was "nice girl syndrome" which entailed bad boys being drawn to someone nice, but I don't feel that I'm that nice. I try to be fair, I try to give someone two chances to step up.

At this point I feel like I am going to end up being the spinster lady with dogs. Why is it so difficult to encounter someone that will be straight up with you, that will put forth close to the same energy that you do in a relationship?

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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 627 • Replies: 11

With 7 children, you're hardly a spinster.

There's nothing wrong with being single, and/or unattached, and it's a pretty big insult to those who have happy lives in that situation to refer to them as spinsters.

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@Pbe,

Fish in a different pond.

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I am a widow and I concentrate on having friends and not just one man in my life.
I do things together with female friends and with married couples or not married couples.
They are of mixed agegroups from friends of my daughter or her agegroup to
my age or older.
I even have a friend who comes over to get carrots - but he is a dog.
I think that makes life so much more interesting.

With 7 children you are not a spinster. Have fun with your kids and friends and stop looking for a man. He might come, he might not. In the mean time you can have lots of fun and no worries about what if a man is selfish, egocentric or only talk about old girlfriends or what ever.

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Does the OP have children? nothing she's posted references them.

Curious.

___

In any case, what's the big deal about being single? there are so many people in the world to be friends with (I often think there are too many).

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@ehBeth,

PB I mixed up with Power Widow

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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

Does the OP have children? nothing she's posted references them.

Curious.

___

In any case, what's the big deal about being single? there are so many people in the world to be friends with (I often think there are too many).

Ah. You're correct. Mixed her up with Power Widow.

The rest of my post stands.

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@chai2,

I'm not insulting other singles that are happily content being single.

I am one time divorced, no kids, I'm still young enough to have one, but... I've shared my dating pattern, which has not evolved to more than disappointment.

I live in an area where it is and has been very difficult to cultivate true friendship with other women. I'm in a military town, so most women are either married and focused on their family (which is understandable) or they're single and trying to get a man.

I do miss regular companionship as I have had that, but not since I've been living here. As most military towns, they are high on hookups and other types of dysfunction. I'm not built for the hookup lifestyle, compiled with putting you at risk for all types of stds. So please understand where I'm coming from.

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@ehBeth,

No, no children. I posted on another thread regarding a situation in my last dating situation and that op was the one with 7 children.

I agree regarding having a full life if and when you have friends, but on all honesty I don't have many real friends and it is harder to cultivate genuine friendships with other women. I say women, because males tend not to want to be my friend.

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Well - accept that you are co-responsible for what happens with you and any guy. He sounds like he was not reliable or truthful and that pushed a button for you. But I bet there were signs before and you ignored them.

So try again. Get excited about the idea that there could be a guy just around the corner who is more your temperament and won't let you down or mislead you.

With men, later in life, your job is to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your toad.

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@PUNKEY,

I agree, at this point in life.. . We are responsible for how we allow others to treat us and allowing them access.

No nothing went ignored everything was addressed but he was definitely NOT compatible with me. He was egotistical and even tried to argue with me. Not my thing at all.

Again, you have a very valid point that I need to keep an open mind, even if my heart is closed. I do get approached and I tend to stay active, so you're right, but I'm not kissing any frogs. Lol. That leads to warts.

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@PUNKEY,

The crazy thing is he's angry at me, not that I care, but I find that hilarious. I asked him if he'd like to get his things that I'd ensure were safe and secure. I wasn't mean or nasty about it, but I'm thinking it's just ego... That he didn't get to be the one to end things or to have the crazy outcome that he wanted, which was to knock me up and leave me as a baby mother to be solely responsible for a child. Go figure.

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I feel like I'm going to be the spinster with dogs (instead being a cat lady)...

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