Snooping, is it wrong?

Is it a make or break deal? What ever the news is, can you live with it?

Hmm, doesn't seem to be as zero-sum as you make it, kitkat. You acted (dishonorably, unethically, whatever) by finding it, but you found it. You know.

So once you know, it's time to talk about it and own up to how you found out. If your desire is to crush him with the weight of your righteous indignation, the fact that YOU goofed too will mute the impact a bit. But why would that be your desire? If you want the relationship to work, that doesn't help anything (two people admitting their share of the fault works much better, generally), and if you want to just get out of the relationship, you can.

Good luck!

Let me guess. This is a porn thing, right?

Well what I found out is...he joined up on an internet site. This site is kind of like a dating service but you can choose whether you are looking for someone to date, for a friend, or just to have sex with. Under his profile he listed himself as a single man who is looking for 1 on 1 sex with another women. Under his profile he has an area where he can type something about himself. In that space he wrote that he is looking for a hot little girl who isn't interested in a long relationship and who wont be uspet when he doesn't call them back, basically saying he is looking for 1 on 1 sex only, like a one night stand. I dont know how serious I should take this, it is over the internet, but I want to know if he would have the balls to actually go through with it.

Why NOT confront him? Talk to him about it?

hmmm, if he's confronted he most likely won't follow through.
kind of a catch-22. you prevent him from following through, but never know what he would have done if he hadn't been confronted.

once you snoop, you've got consequences to deal with, one way or another.

Exactly! Not only will I never know if he goes through with it or not but he could just tell me he was just messing around and that I am overreacting and that he really wasn't going to do anything even if he really was going to. Not only that but once he knows how I found out, he will block it and I might never find out what happends. So do I wait till it's too late and its already been done or risk all that I said above? I know that I will be in trouble too, but not as badly.

How do you know that he hasn't done it already?

Well, how big of a deal is it to you if he was just messing around? For me, that would be pretty much a deal-breaker right there.

Good point, Kicky.

I agree with sozobe: for me it would be a breaker too.

However, if it was me, I would need to know for sure
that he's following through. So I would answer his
"advertisement" as a ficticious girlie and play along with him, and
see how far he goes and if he's suggesting a meeting,
I would meet him at a secluded place and show up.

The look on his face would be my reward for dumping
him right then and there.

Good one CJ!

Oh, that is good.

Brilliant....pure and utter brilliance!

Thank you!

I hope you'll do it and let us know what happened
kitkat_bar.

Yeah, Calamity Jane got this one just right.

When you meet up with him, hand him this article: http://www.oregonlive.com/search/index.ssf?/base/news/1099401710226090.xml?oregonian?lcps, some information about sexually transmitted diseases and his walking papers.

But to answer your question, snooping is wrong.

Your snooping is no worse than him being unfaithful. If you are in a committed relationship and he is getting on the internet to have a fling,why the h*ll should you feel bad?

Because two wrongs don't make a right, needsumluvin.

She shouldn't have snooped. But now that she's found out something incriminating, she has to confront him. (Prefaced with an apology for snooping, of course.) I really liked Calamity Jane's solution, too, btw.

That's only if you're definitely ready to dump him though -- if you want to eventually work it out, I do think that going ahead and admitting your own error actually helps in the long run. ("You messed up, I messed up, let's try to move on from this...")