paintthesky,
I apologize if I came across so very negative. I truly must have mis-interpreted your post in trying to figure out what it was you were truly asking for and about.
As others mentioned, you definitely can have a "commitment celebration" or a "celebration of your union", but neither would be an actual marriage.
You did make a comment about wanting a marriage for your families. Don't do it for them. Whatever you two decide, do it only for yourselves.
Peace and best wishes....
Many homosexual couples do this now. I now of one that clergy actually performed the ceremony. However, I am sure you will get flack from many people. Like they just want wedding presents, or what are they thinking, etc. Personally I say do what you feel comfortable with-just be aware that you will get flack from people with nothing else better to do than judging other people. You may get a better reception from others if you have a party and call it something else (similar like our joining as a couple or other corny title).
It is true that couples that are not married, but live together, pay less in taxes than married couples. It is referred to as the marriage penalty. I have even heard many financial planners/tax experts recommend that if you are planning a December marriage to wait until January since your change in tax status is not pro-rated.
Depending on what jurisdiction you're in, the wedding ceremony itself may or may not be legal. Wedding usually refers strictly to the religious service, which is not legally binding in many jurisdictions. It is the decision of individual parishes and congregations whether they wish to offer religious commitment ceremonies to gay/lesbian couples.
So, the options are endless.
Married in a church, but not legally married.
Married in a civil service, but not joined in a religious commitment service.
Married in a church in a jurisdiction that gives civil standing to religious services.
...
I think I misunderstood the original question, as I was slow to consider that it related to gays/lesbians being barred from "marriages"/civil unions in many places.
My own view is that a civil union is a marriage. And if one's government in power doesn't allow that, then a personal ceremony suffices, to me, and I'd call it a wedding.
My own wedding ceremony at the start of my own marriage was a civil ceremony. I never ever though of myself as not being married, or not having had a wedding. And that was a long time ago.
I have some friends who got married recently, unofficially. One of them is in his eighties, she is in her seventies. They didn't want to deal with losing some financial benefits re her health and did not, therefore, make it a civil marriage but a religious one.
Whether this is wise or not, I don't know, especially given the extensive list earlier in this thread, but it is not really my business, and they are happy and committed.