3
   

Do I still have a chance

 
 
cal21
 
Reply Sun 30 Apr, 2017 01:23 pm
About a month ago this girl and I started snap chatting and talking. We are both in college and have a class together so we know each pretty well. We also are sophomores now and we have been in the same friend group since the beginning of freshman year. We talked and hung out pretty often, we were pretty much in a relationship just nothing really "official". I didn't know this but when we were together she told me that she had liked me since fall semester of our freshman year at school. That's a year and a half which is a really long time. And I know she wanted to have a serious relationship because she's not one to do the hookup/quick relationship type and I'm the same way. She was really busy with school, work, etc. I was also somewhat busy and i got kind of frustrated with how busy we both were. I never actually got to take her out on an actual date or anything. It was just casual hanging out for usually 20 or 30 minutes and on a good day a couple hours. We never really got to spend that much time together. I ended up feeling like things weren't gonna work out so I talked with her and I told her that I didn't feel like things were working out and that we should cut off what was happening. The next couple of days/week were really hard on me because I couldn't figure out if I made the right choice. We agreed to stay friends because we were in the same friend group and were good friends before we tried a relationship so we took a couple days off from talking. A couple days later she snap chatted me and from then on we just casually talked, snap chatted, and texted every now and then. I started to fall for her again and see how amazing of a girl she was. I ended things on a Thursday and 8 days later I asked her to go to lunch with me and told her that I really really still liked her and that I 100% screwed up. I asked her to reconsider and she said she'd like a few days to think about it. She took 3 days and she said that she thought we should remain friends and not go further with things. She said that she felt like she didn't have those feelings for me anymore and that she didn't want to start things up again. I told her how much I like her and that she is someone that I can't lose, I told her how I felt and how much she meant to me. This completely broke my heart, this girl is one of a kind and I cannot lose her. I feel like she is somewhat confused and stressed out with school right now. Her roommate said that she felt like she is really busy and stressed with things and just trying to figure things out. This makes me think that she is just confused and is letting those things keep her from a relationship. I talked with her roommate and she said that I shouldn't fully give up on the idea of a relationship with her. I don't want to give up on the idea but I really don't want to wait any longer because it's been another week and I'm a mess right now.
I guess my questions are:
1. She liked me for a really long time before we started talking, and can that strong of feelings for someone go away in a matter of days? I just feel like she has to still have feelings for me.
2. Do you think she made this choice because she is stressed out and really busy and somewhat confused?
3. Is it fair to text her or ask her if she has been struggling with her choice and still thinking about me? because I've been thinking all day every day about her.
4. Do you think she still likes me and I just need to give her a little space and she'll come back to me? Is there still a chance?
5. What should I do?

Thanks for the help.
 
centrox
 
  4  
Reply Sun 30 Apr, 2017 01:46 pm
@cal21,
cal21 wrote:
1. She liked me for a really long time before we started talking, and can that strong of feelings for someone go away in a matter of days? I just feel like she has to still have feelings for me.

Feelings can change, especially when people are young.

cal21 wrote:
2. Do you think she made this choice because she is stressed out and really busy and somewhat confused?

I think she made this choice because you told her you just wanted to be friends and then 8 days later you changed your mind and (by the sound of it) got all emotional and wanted to go back again (to what was, by your admission, not really a relationship yet). She probably got dizzy with all the to-and-fro-ing and thought "If he's like this when we haven't even started dating, what would he be like later?". Maybe you pissed her off in some other way too.

Basically, you blew it.

cal21 wrote:
Is it fair to text her or ask her if she has been struggling with her choice and still thinking about me?

No. This will only piss her off and make you look like a fool.

cal21 wrote:
because I've been thinking all day every day about her.

Suck it up.

cal21 wrote:
4. Do you think she still likes me and I just need to give her a little space and she'll come back to me? Is there still a chance?

Don't hold your breath.

cal21 wrote:
5. What should I do?

Get on with your life. Pay attention to your studies. Don't get a rep for being a clingy whiner.

0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Sun 30 Apr, 2017 02:56 pm
@cal21,
Everything @centrox said with one additional thing.

Do NOT talk to her roommate (or other friends) about this. That is pre-teen behaviour.

Grow up. Move on.
0 Replies
 
tibbleinparadise
 
  4  
Reply Sun 30 Apr, 2017 07:23 pm
@cal21,
If your post is accurate you likely straight up scared her off with the stalkerish/creeper comments.

For future girls...

Don't EVER tell them that they are one of a kind and you can't lose them. Tell them you enjoy the time you spend together. Tell them things you like about them (funny, intelligent, etc). Saying "I can't lose you" makes you sound a tad weak and desperate.

Don't blow up their phone or their friends phones or her sisters phone or anybody else's. You want to hang out you send ONE text "Hey, let's grab dinner this Saturday, I heard about this great -insert her fav food- place we should try out, my treat!" Then let her respond. If she is wanting to spend time with you, she will respond in a timely fashion. Do not ask her again or ask for confirmation or ask her if she got it. If she doesn't respond, that's fine, she's not interested, onward and forward.

Don't ever drag friends, roommates, or family into relationship stuff. If you can't talk directly to her about whatever it is then you'll never work anyways. You want to spend more time together, address that with her and trust what she's telling you. If she says she's really busy then you need to work with that or move on. Don't get all dramatic about how you think you're losing her.

NEVER let the words "I think she may just be confused about...." go through your brain again. If you start to think that you need to ask yourself, "okay, what am I missing, what did I not hear, what did I misunderstand..." because you are likely the one to be confused, not the other person.

Finally, you need to calm the crap down and find something to do besides think about this girl. You come off as a super dramatic 12 year old (maybe you are, in which case I apologise). You gotta calm down, get ahold of yourself and your feels and put on your big boy pants. Women generally like guys that are calm, confident, and secure. You are displaying a dramatic lack of confidence and huge insecurities. Gotta work on that.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Mon 1 May, 2017 05:46 am
Right girl, wrong time.

People move heaven and earth to get to see each other. You didn't make the effort the first time, and she has told you she can't commit now. So it was a missed opportunity. Learn from it.

Continue to be friends within the group. Maybe she will see you for what you are and consider making your relationship closer. But it really doesn't sound like she wants a steady guy right now.

And stop getting your information from her roommate.
0 Replies
 
johnperes
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 6 May, 2017 08:04 am
Do not worry dear she will come back if she loves you.
0 Replies
 
 

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