Always accusing me of doing things im not.

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I've been in a relationship for about a year. And in the beginning it was perfect. However 7 months ago we found out I was pregnant and everything's changed completely. When we first started dating we went out almost everynight, partied staying up late no cares in the world really. Me becoming pregnant however stopped all of that for me. My priorities changed and i became more focused on giving our daughter the best possible life I could. To me being in a relationship and finding out your pregnant means both people should put their needs aside and certain things should stop and become less of a priority. He tells me everyday he loves me and wants his family but his actions show differently and about 2 months ago I found out he was cheating on me with multiple woman. Going against everything I believe I forgave him wanting nothing more then to have my family. But as the days have past ive thought hes still messing around on me. Bringing it to his attention he just starts yelling gets angry and just leaves and I won't hear from him for hours sometimes days. I end up sitting there alone crying wishing he would just come home..after all his actions are the same way when he was cheating on me so why wouldn't I still have the thought in my head. Well a few weeks ago I packed my things and moved to my brothers I thought maybe me leaving and moving out would make him realize what the issue is and really fight for his family. However its been nothing like that. One minute hes begging me to come home and be with him that he needs me and the next min im a cheating whore and people are telling him what im really doing and who im doing and so on. I know im not doing anything wrong. Hell im 7 months pregnant with his daughter for real. And im more then inlove with this man its crazy. But im tired of defending myself when I shouldn't be and him telling me this and this will happen only for the oppisit to happen and im left feeling more let down and broken then before. So I guess what I wanna know is how can he say he loves and wants to be with me but then call me horrible names and say im doing things im not doing? Am I wasting my time chasing and fighting for someone who really don't love or care about me just enjoys playing with my feelings. If so shows the best way to let go and truly move on from everything. Learn to coparent and not be together. I feel as if im going crazy and I hate how weak and insecure ive become in all this. What is the best thing to do and really focus on my daughter?

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[+3] - jespah - 04/24/2017It already stinks now. What makes you think things are going to get any better when the baby arrives and you are really not available? He can't just gallivant off when things get difficult....

@Only1felecia,

You're in such a tough position - you want a family with a loving father, but you can't see it happening.

You're confused as to why it should be this way. The thing is - many people think being in love is the be all and end all of a relationship...but the happiest long term relationships only happen when the couple are both in love and have compatible character traits. By contrast, there are many people who started happily in love, who ended up miserable due to incompatible character traits.

Your man wasn't ready to be a father, and he resents you wanting your child. Further, he isn't emotionally mature enough to admit it. Instead, he silently blames you. He may still love you, but does not want a child.

Having said he may still love you...he's been cheating on you...with multiple women. This behaviour does not stop overnight, whether he tells you it has or not. By enormous amounts the most common result, is that it never stops.

As to how this can happen - we humans are complicated. Everyone of us has had mixed feelings about a person or a subject. Everyone of us, at some stage, has wanted things we couldn't have, or wanted things that didn't go well together. It's not so hard to feel this way. What matters is how we act on our feelings.

What you want to do is work out his character (principles, values, ethics, beliefs that he lives by) and see whether or not he's compatible with you.

Eg.
-Multiple cheating partners = fidelity isn't a big issue to him
- Putting others down when threatened = will get nasty as a way of managing conflict
- avoids fatherhood conversation = children are a low priority to him at this time in his life (or with you)

Those are just generalisations at this stage. The more conforming his behaviours are to a pattern, the more sure you can be of his character traits.

If it's long term happiness you are after, you need to decide if his character traits are compatible with your happiness.
......................

As a last note. If a person says one thing and does another, always believe the actions. Genuineness is shown when a persons beliefs, words, and actions match.

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@Only1felecia,

It already stinks now. What makes you think things are going to get any better when the baby arrives and you are really not available?

He can't just gallivant off when things get difficult. That's unfair to both you and your child. Diapers don't magically change themselves when the parents have a fight.

Also, the name-calling is an enormous red flag. Not only is it horrible for you, but it will teach your child that Mom doesn't deserve respect. And he may end up calling your child names as well when he doesn't get his way.

You need a support system right now, not some guy who thinks hanging around is somehow optional. You don't have to be a couple, but he has to be reliable because that is the best thing for your child. I am so, SO glad your brother has stepped in. Your brother may turn out to be the only real father figure your child has.

Oh and another thing - whether you stay in the relationship or not - your child will need food, shoes, medical care, etc. Please get after your partner for those things, and if it means taking him to court then do it. Whether the relationship survives or not is secondary to whether your child survives. Please make sure your partner does his fair share in terms of nurturing your child but also in terms of financial support.

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Was your getting pregnant BOTH of your decisions? He sounds like this scene is not where he wants to be and he's acting out like a child who doesn't know what he wants, but he was not expecting this.

You don't mention age, but you are seeing this guy's character. He will cheat on you after the child is born. He is incapable of exclusiveness. He is loving you as much as he can. Is that good enough?

Good luck - and make this baby-daddy responsible, at least financially - for his co-responsibility for bringing a child into this world.

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Always accusing me of doing things im not.

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