What am I?

Forums: Sexuality, Bisexual, Confusion, Lesbian
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Hi! This is very difficult for me to write or speak about. It is the first time i verbalise this outside my thoughts. I am a 22 years old female and i have been raised in a quite conservative family, being Christian and all. My parents have never spoken freely about sexuality and all that. They could never understand or accept anything other than normality. Ever since puberty,i was really aroused to see lesbian sex videos. I would secretly masturbate to them. I always liked looking at girls that were pretty and all that. But in the same time, i have always had romantic feelings for guys. I had a lot of crushes on different guys growing up.My first boyfriend was at 17 years old. I had sex with him and i was in a happy relationship till it ended very badly, him telling the entire school about having sex with me(it was very rough for that to happen in a very authoritative school). Now i am in a very happy 3 year old relationship with my boyfriend whom i love and i am very attracted to. But i keep watching every now and then videos of lesbian sex. I imagine myself being with a woman and having sex with her. I really do not know what to think and i cannot talk to anyone. I feel so sad and lonely. Any advice would really help me so much. I do not think i have ever felt so miserable, not knowing how to define myself....

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@Girl99,

What are you? Sorry. Welcome to the human experience. You're human. That's all. Life isn't black and white and objective as movies and pop culture depicts it to be.

Girl99 wrote:

I do not think i have ever felt so miserable, not knowing how to define myself....

Once again. Very sorry for the nonanswer answer... but just don't . You're going to have to deal with these emotions by rolling with the proverbial punches and (hopefully more than often) hugs and such.

There is literally NO ONE here or elsewhere online that can give you a straight answer as we can't read your mind or possibly indicate that we have similar or cloned versions of a same life path as yourself (I may have lost you as well as myself on my logic or lack therein that latter statement ... because it's a bit difficult to express).

Just know that you aren't the only one struggling with this inner identity debate. But as in the rest of life? No one can offer you cheat codes or life plot spoilers to help you decide what's going on in your own world. Find supporting friends you can trust and openly talk about your feelings. As that is ultimately your best path in figuring out who and what you are.

Also: Your first boyfriend sounds pretty toxic. Stay far far away from his ilk.

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@Girl99,

Gal, read Tsar above. And relax for Gosh sake, everybody has a few sex hangups

Do prof

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@Girl99,

I'm sorry you're having a tough time, but what your experiencing is pretty normal (if that helps at all). Sexuality, attractions, turn-ons, etc, are all fluid to some degree or another. As a teen, I had some sexual experiences with another guy. Does that need a label? No. And neither do you. You're a young person in a relationship with somebody you love. Enjoy that. You like lesbian porn? That's alright too! If at some point you feel like you are more attracted to females and it's effecting your relationship, it's just something you'll have to deal with and make a choice. Fortunately we all have free will and can make decisions. Enjoy life and make choices that will lead you to long term happiness. You may have to re-evaluate from time to time, but that's life.

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You are in a hetersexual relationship and have lesbian fantasies. Not much unusual there.

Do you think the fantasies will urge you to act? When you feel you want to act on these feelings you need to be free to do that. Perhaps you will need to be "single" so you can do that without hurting other people and not feel guilty or burdened. .

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You are normal! Having same-sex fantasies and urges is common but confusing at first. Watching lesbian porn increases these feelings too. Its normal! Usually you could try exploring with other girls if your urges become annoyingly powerful, but the thing is you're in a relationship. It'd be a lot easier to deal with this if you were single because its easier to act out sexually than it is finding someone to talk to when you're feeling this way. But, having loving relationship that's going past 3 years is way more important. I guess you could just keep your arousal towards girls as a fantasy only.

As hot as girl-on-girl sex is, you have to be sure you actually want to be physically intimate with a girl. As far as talking to people goes, you can talk to people on here or maybe release some frustration by writing a sex story if your fantasies are really vivid. You could try talking to your bf if you want to, but depending on how he is, he would either be turned off by it or become excited to where he wants to you be with a girl......but would probably want to watch too. So there's that.

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What am I?

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