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self-forgiving for questionable cheating

 
 
Reply Mon 17 Apr, 2017 08:37 am
I don´t ever take drugs, but on a night out over a month and a half ago, while exceptionally drunk, a guy from my college course gave me some ecstasy and I took it. This is out of character for me. I completely blacked out which is also something that never happened to me before but have a vague recollection of panicking and telling someone a traumatic sexual harrassment incident which happened me in the past but which I usually keep quiet. I remember pulling apart from the guy for a kiss (the guy who gave me the pill) and had been confused because it wasn´t the way my boyfriend kissed me and wasnt a tongue kiss. Then apparently I went over to one of my friends and told her that the guy I kissed who I named as my boyfriend I was going to marry and I loved him loads. This is all from other peoples information apparently. So moving on, the next day I remember, feel awful and tell my boyfriend. He was back from a night out when I told him and was drunk and angry and then when he was sober, the next day immediately forgave me and said he knew it wasnt me and that I would never cheat on him. I genuinely would never cheat on him I love him with all of my heart and hurting him was the worst thing ive ever done. However, I just cant forgive myself. I know I thought it was my boyfriend, there was no intent of cheating or attraction to the other guy I dont care about him at all, but I cant stop beating myself up about it. Ive spoken to a counsellor and that helped a bit, and Ive promised Im never touching drugs again, Ive done everything I can possibly think of to rectify the situation- asking people what happened, telling my boyfriend the truth and buying him a gift to apologise but I cant get over this im so disgusted with myself. How do I learn to forgive myself and move on because I dont want this getting in the way of things between me and him and I feel bad when I bring it up and apologise again? please please help
 
CoastalRat
 
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Reply Mon 17 Apr, 2017 10:52 am
@sosxoxosos,
You've apologized to him and he has apparently forgiven you. So stop apologizing to him over and over. It will only drive him nuts.

The tough part is to forgive yourself. You made a mistake and you have learned from it. You just have to learn to let it go. Move on. This was a cheap life lesson. It could have gone worse.

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PUNKEY
 
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Reply Tue 18 Apr, 2017 01:09 am
Holy crap - how are you going to get thru life if you cant put this into perspective?

You probably are horrified that you acted like you did. Thats pride, not hurtful humility.

Get over yourself and move on. This wont be the first time you make an ass of yourself.
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