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Wed 12 Apr, 2017 01:49 pm
I don't know if this subject has ever come up, but I have read countless articles and looked at other websites trying to see how others handle the First of all, I am not proud of my affair. Its just part of my life right now and has been for over a year.
I feel guilty every day, but I cant stop seeing the other man.
Every time he leaves now I tell myself, ok, that's it, no more. But then two days later I am dying to see him again!
Anyhow, my husband and I sill have an active sex life. So, its not like it was just the sex I was looking for. My affair started the day I turned 40, so maybe its a mid life crises for me.
My lover, Paul, is only 28, and it's so flattering to have a younger guy be so excited for me. He is black, and even though the contrast in our bodies is very exciting (my husband and I are white), my affair is not based on race. We somehow made an amazing connection, both physically and mentally.
Paul almost always comes to our house here. Its safe since my husband takes the train and I pick him up at the station. When we first started Paul and I had sex 5 days in a row. We are down to 3 days a week, usually Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I made a promise to myself that I would never be intimate with my husband within 24 hours of being with Paul.
A couple months ago, Paul left our house around 430pm, and I picked up my husband an hour later. My husband told me he was horny during the car ride home, and started getting "frisky".
I about died.
I blamed female issues and took care of him orally - and then he and I did make love the following day.
Last week Friday I saw Paul. And my husband wanted to fool around again when he got home. This time, I let it happen.
I wont deny that undressing for my husband just over an hour after undressing for another man in the same bedroom, was very exciting.
I know there was still some of Paul left inside me, and I was horrified when my husband first entered me that he would notice I was so "slippery" or that I felt different. But he did not notice a thing, and omg - for some reason the sex was amazing for me.
My husband was like a continuation of the sex I had with Paul. But it was another mouth kissing me, a whole different kind of sex, and for some reason it lit my body up.
We went out for drinks later on, and I could not help but think about how two men made love to me that day.
I felt so alive.
I want to do that again, but I know that doubles the wrongness of everything if and when my husband goes "2nd" again.
My question is (finally...sorry) :
How do others involved in an affair deal with intimacy at home?
Do you separate the acts as much as you can???
Have you had to say "no" to your spouse because you were with the other person earlier?
Not sure if any one else has been intimate with both their lover and their spouse in such a short period of time, but I am sure it has happen before.
Thank you
@Lisa1976,
it really must be hell being you. Such suffering.
@Lisa1976,
Why did you get married if you don't want to act like a wife? This makes me weep that women like you get married and you don't even honor your vows.
@Lisa1976,
Let me try to be bit more understanding than the previous comments. I just discovered my wife cheating on me with an older man last week. In short she explained that she felt very similar connection with this other man than she does with me, but it was without all the "ancillaries" such as kids, work, hobbies etc. that she very much loves and which are very important to her. Not sure if it's anything like this for you, but bit of an intro.
We had our normal active sex life for the duration of the affair. I did not notice anything different. According to my wife there was never a back-to-back situation, but I have yet to ask her if she ever refused sex with me because of this.
However, without going too much in detail with anything, I will have to advice you to end your affair with the other man. The secret and deceit will just keep growing and becoming a bigger an bigger issue. If you want to continue in the marriage with your husband, you cannot let the "bomb" keep growing as it will get big enough to destroy everything when it explodes. And let me assure you, you will not be able to keep this secret forever, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. Your affair has gone on long enough that it might be a matter of when even if you end the affair. If you don't want to be married to your husband, you must end the marriage. I understand that an affair is very exciting, even if I've never experienced one myself, but affairs always have time limits and shorter you keep it, less damaging they get and hopefully you'll be able to enjoy just the exciting aspects and none of the destructive aspects.
I hope this makes sense.
@Itsnotyouitsme,
I fully Agree. I had an Affair for 9 months and we had everything planned out. Text at this time, my husband is leaving at this day, no texting past 9pm, ill be away so dont text on monday, etc, etc. It was like clock work how efficient we become in hiding. One day my affair partner sister seen my text message of "Hey. I seen you made it back home". If i sent anything normal like "I love you" or "Hey babe whats up?" it would have been really, really bad.
This was also a child hood friend and my wife's best friend. So it was even more easy to kinda get away with stuff so even being super careful doesn't mean anything. I had easy street and you can still slip up. You become cocky almost and thinking your untouchable. It's called Affair Fog.
I fully agree. As much as this is awesome for you or feels good. It's only a matter of time. Sure. You might go years without getting caught. But thats years of explaining. If you tell your husband. Ok i had an affair of 9-10 months it still really bad. But saying i had an affair of 1,2,3 years. Thats devastating.
My Affair just end a few days ago and im not going to lie. It really sucks. Bad. But i went to my wife and told her i want to try to work on this marriage. Lets be more loving, kissing more, etc. I didn't tell her about my affair and i dont know if i will. I struggle with Guilt everyday. Im sure this feeling will get worse or it might go away. But i do still miss my affair partner. The long this goes on for you. The harder it will be to get over. I was 9 months and it's soul crushing.
Well. I hope this helps and i wish you the best of luck.
I have cheated and been cheated on. The excitement of having multiple partners in the same hour is crazy. It is not right tho you need to pick one
How do others involved in an affair deal with intimacy at home? I NEVER HAVE MY AP AT MY HOME ALWAYS HIS SHACK OR HOTEL
Do you separate the acts as much as you can??? NO I JUST WASH WELL AFTER SEX WITH HUSBAND OR AP. NEVER REFUSED UNLESS ON PERIOD
Have you had to say "no" to your spouse because you were with the other person earlier? NEVER EVER A DEFINITE RED FLAG YOU ARE MESSING AROUND
Not sure if any one else has been intimate with both their lover and their spouse in such a short period of time, but I am sure it has happen before NOT UNUSUAL TO HAPPEN TO ME
@Lisa1976,
omg, I see you life is full of emotions. But think, how long can you continue it?
I cheated regularly on a guy and had sex with both of them sometimes within hour. I always tried to clean up good but I remember receiving oral sex and hopeing my bf did not notice something different or when he entered me hoping he could not tell
You tell your husband you've been having an idea where you two could have an affair. If he says yes and divorces you for a sexy hellcat 24 year old, then you won't have to worry about intimacy at home cause your boytoy could come over any time he wants! Perfect!
@Lisa1976,
I hate the selfishness of it, I think people who have decided they are going to start an affair should first have made the effort to switch to an open relationship rather than cheating. An open relationship also may not be the best medicine for the marriage, but still, a million times better than cheating!
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