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Lying about Porn

 
 
cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2004 02:59 pm
Oooh, forgot to ask, was it gay porn?
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arial11632000
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2004 03:01 pm
lol no not gay porn.. nothing really hard core just a bunch of F******
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eoe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2004 04:07 pm
Maybe you need to watch together? Or let him 'catch' you watching it. Just to see how he responds.
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cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2004 04:10 pm
Just as long as they don't involve gustavratzenhofer and Mildred....
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2004 04:10 pm
Gertrude.


I think eoe's got a good idea. <nods>
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cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2004 04:15 pm
Mildred is his other sheep.
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bjj
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2004 04:56 pm
i think you should tell him tht you looked at the bills and that way you can talk about it.Otherwise you will just feel more upset.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2004 07:05 pm
I think eoe has the right idea too. I see that as a problem in a lot of relationships, woman becoming or apprehended to be mom, with the various accruing resentments.
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eoe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2004 09:59 pm
Absolutely. We become 'mom' whether we want it or not.
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braddeus
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Nov, 2004 12:57 am
I've been with my girlfriend for over two years, and we're as serious as a two-year couple can be. I have a problem with porn, and I'm trying hard to stop it.

I wish I could tell you it's some ridiculous joke, but it really is something that relates to dependency and habit. Obviously I don't mean to hurt her (because she always finds out) and I don't even really WANT to watch it. But just like anything else, once you're that far into the hole it's tough to dig out.

My advice to any women in my girlfriend's situation would be: just be as supportive as you can while expressing your disappointment. It's that disappointment that hurts the most, and the biggest catalyst for turning it around.
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arial11632000
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Nov, 2004 08:04 am
Braddeus, thank you for what you said! I have really been trying to hear a guys point of view on this. I understand what you are talking about but I just don't get why my guy is still lying about it. He won't even admit that he does it. By the way thanks to all of the girls who wrote me back too, believe me I am listening.
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panzade
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Nov, 2004 08:12 am
Welcome to the forum Braddeus.
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daphnejane
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Nov, 2004 01:03 pm
My husband lies about porn use too even though it doesn't bother me. I think men just feel the need to hide it.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Nov, 2004 01:26 pm
Men feel the need to hide it because a) they think women find it degrading, dirty and all around unacceptable (which a lot do) or b) the secret is the excitment.

Either way, lying to your face is bad.

Perhaps you should tell him, not in an accusatory manner, that if he ever wants to watch porn that is fine with you, that you don't consider it cheating and that you feel masturbation is an ok thing. Maybe he doesn't realize that you understand and don't think he is a rotten dirty man for it.
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betrayed123
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Nov, 2004 04:33 pm
I think your guy has a lack of integrity..porn distorts men's image of women. Eventually, he will need harder porn to get aroused. My ex...is hooked on strip clubs with private suites...no wonder he has such financial debt..he too has porn on cable...I don't know you...but you deserve a man who is truthful...sex is beautiful and shouldn't turn into an addiction.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 18 Nov, 2004 08:02 am
Not all porn is degrading to women. And not all men view it that way. For that matter, not all women view it that way. Some porn is degrading. But it is equally degrading to men and women if you think about it...two very unrealistic stereotypes for the men and the women.

The problem is never the porn or the strip clubs or the affairs or the masturbation. The problem is ALWAYS the lying, the disrespect and the blatent disregard for a partners wishes and feelings.

This guy does have a serious lack of integrity. But I don't believe that he will have to get harder and harder porn to get...um, hard. HMen are visual, plain and simple. No man doesn't get aroused by the visual of people having sex. Unless he's dead.

Also, a REAL man knows the difference between porn sex (dirty, raunchy, fantasy sex where you take, not give) and real life sex (beautiful, gratifying, intense sex where you give just as much as you take). The men that have these "problems" with porn have bigger problems with honesty.

Ariel, I think that if it doesn't bother you, you need to be upfront and tell him that if he doesn't come clean you are leaving. He can watch all the porn her wants and jerk it til it's sore but he CANNOT lie to you. And he MUST fulfill your needs as well. Very Happy Good Luck! :wink:
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cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Thu 18 Nov, 2004 11:25 am
I never, ever, ever, ever ever look at porn. Never.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 18 Nov, 2004 11:26 am
cjhsa wrote:
I never, ever, ever, ever ever look at porn. Never.


sure..... :wink:
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kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 18 Nov, 2004 11:31 am
betrayed123 wrote:
I think your guy has a lack of integrity..porn distorts men's image of women. Eventually, he will need harder porn to get aroused.


That's not true. I still like watching 18-year old girls doing it, just like I used to when I was 18!
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arial11632000
 
  1  
Reply Thu 18 Nov, 2004 12:56 pm
Thanks everyone for the input and just to let ya'll know he has taken one step forward, he called the cable company and had them make it where you can no longer order the movies. I hope this is the end!
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