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Mon 3 Apr, 2017 08:55 am
Okay, from my previous threads you may be aware I have already talked about my breakup but I genuinely need advice here.
So, it's been 3 months since my boyfriend of 4 years checked out of our relationship. However, we have a joint account together and belongings to return. In all honesty, the belongings are not a big deal but we do have a legal requirement to both be present together to close the account. I've researched this and this particular bank requires both parties.
I've been told by a couple of people that I should just 'take my money and forget the account'. Well, it was a fairly new account which I hadn't actually put any money into. So that isn't an issue. But I don't want there to be legal repercussions down the line if I refuse to close the account. Plus, I don't want that 'tie' to him. I would rather not make this become a 'legal' issue where I have to get lawyers involved because really, it's not that deep and that will cause me unnecessary stress and drama.
As much as I didn't want the breakup, I have respected his feelings and have accepted that he wants out. Which is why I cannot understand why I have repeatedly asked him when he's free so that we can close the account. He has remained very inconsistent- first of all, he did commit to a date but somehow managed to wake up hours late which made it impractical for me. Then, some time later, he told me of a date that he is free which I couldn't do because of work. Then his tone since then has changed and now he just keeps saying 'when there's a chance, he'll let me know' and that right now he needs 'space' and for me to leave him alone.
I believe he is stalling things on purpose now. I'm not sure why, and I give up trying to understand why. But it's really unfair to effectively keep me 'on hold'- the reason I say 'on hold', is because, I don't want to be in a situation where I have (for example) spent 3 months healing myself and moving forward, and then I am forced to sit down with him to close this account. Emotionally I don't think that would be good for me and will potentially drag me backwards. This only requires a couple of hours of his time so why wouldn't he just commit to a date, (I know for a fact he has time), we close the account and then we can both move on with our lives. Surely he wouldn't WANT me to keep 'bugging' him to ask him when he's free, right? Or maybe he does, I dunno anymore. I certainly don't want to keep contacting him about this. Currently I have little choice but to simply wait until he decides to commit to a date.
And yes, I am making conscious steps towards moving on- just got a new job, have been taking driving lessons and I now use the gym.
Just don't know what to do about the account situation. And I know people often mistake this as me 'holding on', but I really do need this account to be closed quickly, not just from a legal point of view but so that I can cut that tie and close that door. Similar to the way that a divorcee would want to get all those papers signed and finalised so that they can truly move on. Any advice?
@Drkhrt,
Talk to the bank again. Explain the situation. Find out if a proxy can serve in your ex's stead.
If that won't work (and that makes me wonder how the hell they ever close accounts when someone dies), then it's onto Plan B, which is to basically do what you've been doing. Maybe with a third party as a neutral buffer. It's not an attempt at reconciliation. You just want this damned thing fixed so you can both move on.
Third option is to find out (from the bank, probably) whether leaving it open indefinitely would negatively impact your credit score at all. If not, then withdraw half of the funds or whatever you put in, and tell them to take your name off the account. And then wash your hands of it.
Actually, now that I think about it,
the third option is probably the best one. See how you can extricate your funds and then erase your name from the account without his input or cooperation. You cannot possibly be the only estranged couple they have dealt with in the history of everything.
PS Good for you on taking your life back!
@jespah,
If I'm honest I guess the third option is something I have considered looking into but truthfully, I wanted the breakup to be amicable. Not to say that I want to remain bffs with him, but it's usually not in my style to do things like that. I had hoped this breakup would run smoothly but it's just become nasty and confusing, so that hope of doing this simply and amicably is looking less likely. I am going to give it a little time and if he continues to be uncooperative I will see if I can remove my name.
And yes, it can impact my credit score. If he got into debt and it became serious, that could affect my credit score too.
Thanks for your advice @Jespah
You may not be able to close the account by yourself, but you can make massive withdrawals.
@Drkhrt,
God, he's being a passive aggressive pain then.
Good that you're free of him, eh? Just a few ends to tie up and then - no more!
@roger,
What do you mean 'massive withdrawals' @roger?
@jespah,
@Jespah indeed! It's a hard pill to swallow but yes, I really just want to move on completely now. If I recall, I did check with my bank and it didn't appear that it's possible with these particular guys that they allow people to remove their name independently. But as I said, if he keeps this up I will double check this. Surely there must be other people who have issues with their exes so perhaps there are exceptions.
@Drkhrt,
Oh for crissakes -
Withdraw everything except $5.
Send a certified check to that asshole for his split and be done with it.
The bank will eventually close the account for inactivity after that.
I think the REAL issue here is that this creep is avoiding you - Dissing you, ignoring you, blowing you off - whatever you want to call it and you are not accepting that.
@PUNKEY,
@Punkey I appreciate that comment. Never thought about it quite like that before. Noted. Thanks
DrKHRT didn't put money in the account (see opening post). I get the worry about being caught in some legal net if the ex messes up in some way. I'm not clear if she can withdraw half the amount of the funds in the account, not being a banking whiz, and never having a joint account in all the years of our marriage. I'm taking it that DrKHRT just wants her name off the thing.
@Drkhrt,
Drkhrt wrote:we do have a legal requirement to both be present together to close the account. I've researched this and this particular bank requires both parties.
Have you researched just taking your name off the joint account? Some banks do allow one of the account holders to do this without needing the consent of the other.
@jespah,
jespah wrote:If that won't work (and that makes me wonder how the hell they ever close accounts when someone dies),
A death certificate normally does the trick.
@Drkhrt,
Why close the account?
Go in and have your name taken off the account. That's not a complicated process.
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