Should I consider divorce?

This is a joke, right? Like you're a troll. Because no one in their right mind says...your marriage is failing, but pretend it isn't. Act like your husband isn't really treating you like you're non existent...read a bible you fool? Thanks for that 'sound' analysis I need marriage advice, not religious.

This started the moment you said "I do"?

How did you not see the signs that this guy didn't want to get married?

Get couples counseling or get out, ASAP. This is all intolerable - for both you and him.

You've wasted a year and a half of your life with this deadbeat. I wouldn't even bother with counseling — get a lawyer and get out.

I, too, would skip counseling (I am assuming there are no children in the picture). Get out before there are any, before your finances get any more tangled together, and before you potentially have other issues making it harder to leave (e. g. disability or the like).

In a lot of the United States (I don't know where you are), you can get mediation which is cheaper than divorce but will deliver the same results. In particular, if the split is amicable, it can be pretty quick. You simply divide up the property by (usually) taking back whatever you brought into the marriage, such as your clothes, your car, and any investments you made before you wed. So does he.

Then you come to an agreement on any shared assets (usually, because laws differ among jurisdictions) such as a condo or a shared bank account. Often liquid assets are just split down the middle and other assets are liquidated (you sell the condo) and then the money is split. Of course if one of the parties put in more, that's taken into consideration. You also come to an agreement on custody and/or visitation for any pets. Sign on the dotted line. And then you're done.

I suspect your husband will be relieved.

There were no signs before the marriage. After all, he asked me to marry him. So, I didn't imagine he was asking although he didn't want to. He refuses to get couples counseling because he believes 'theres nothing wrong in our marriage

Unfortunately he's refused any easy solution. It's always, 'you want a divorce, I don't' Thank you for the advice though

Have you talked to a lawyer yet?

It's really your only option if your husband has emotionally checked out of the marriage. It does read like he's trying to make you be the bad guy in the situation.

I have not. I suppose what I'm really trying to do is decide if that's likely the best option. I recently asked if he's wanting to divorce, he claims he does not, he wants the marriage to work. Yet, this behavior still continues month after month. It gets confusing to have a man tell you not to leave, just to turn around and act as though he'd rather you not be around.

Then it's either counseling or a lawyer. Or put up with it. Them's your choices. If he refuses to go to counseling, then consider how committed he is to the marriage. I'd also wonder about his health. Because if he is this lackadaisical, that can sometimes be a sign of depression. Maybe see if you can get him to his doctor. Don't frame that in terms of your marriage; more like, you're worried about his health. It's worth a shot, at least to rule it out.

Are you sure there isn't a reason for his sudden switch from 'lets get married' to 'now that we're married, I don't want to know you'? Like:

- he's actually gay, and you're cover
- he had to get married before XX years of age, to inherit
- You were on his bucket list / he made a bet
- some other equally stupid, but 'people do these stupid things' reason. etc

The main thing is - people just don't change overnight. If a change like your situation is sudden, then there's either been a sudden, drastic, negative change in life events... or they were being untruthful to you. If the change coincides with 'the happiest day of his life', then....

Aww, I’m sorry things aren’t going well. Marriage is hard work, that’s for sure. Perhaps, since he won’t go to counseling, he would be willing to sit down and have an honest conversation with you about the positives in your marriage, what may be missing, and what you can each try to work on to make things better? I think a lot of young couples have differing thoughts about how new marriage should be. Sometimes the first few years are the hardest as you adjust to being married, and just being able to freely and honestly communicate is very helpful. I’m going to assume since you got married that there was love, friendship and companionship growing before the wedding. Maybe focus on why you fell in love to begin with and try to start again. Praying for you! Blessings!

My best friend (and roommate at the time) dated a man for over 2 years before getting married. He was at our apartment quite a bit and seemed totally normal to both of us. A year and a half after they got married she finally confessed that she was miserable and he was a totally different man. Come to find out he was bipolar and refused to take his medicine. I don't think this is your problem but the point is people seem to have a hard time understanding that you can date someone for a long time and not really know them until you are married. She stayed in the marriage for a miserable 10 years. Don't make the same mistake and stay in a unhappy marriage. I do not promote divorce, but if he is going to treat you that way after such a short time, it is likely things will get worse, not better.

If he refuses counseling, refuses to make changes (ex. going out alone- just the two of you), refuses to try to rekindle the physical part of your relationship, etc. then his actions speak louder than his words. He may say he doesn't "want" a divorce but he is doing everything to push you away. Sometimes people do this because they don't want to be the bad guy (he can tell everyone he didn't want it- you did or something similar). His actions say you are not important and he would rather lose you than make changes to make his marriage work. Perhaps you could try a separation. He may realize at that point he has to change or lose you. You may realize that he isn't going to change and as hurtful as it is, you are better off without him. Good luck.