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Controlling parents. Please give me advice!

 
 
ash16
 
Reply Tue 21 Mar, 2017 07:15 pm
My parents are always saying "give us a break" anytime i let them in on what I would like to do in life. I am 24 years old, married, college grad, and a teacher! I have my life together. Recently my husband and I were talking about working abroad, he is from India and I have always had a dream to teach English abroad so we figured for a year we could live in India and I could teach. When I told my mom I would like to teach English abroad for a year she responded with "look at this **** this country is in, look at other countries, just stop it and give us a break" when I went on to tell her that it was something I have always wanted to do and living in fear was a sad way to live life she went on to say "life is sad, get over it"...that was the end of the conversation. This has been my moms response to everything as long as I can remember this "give us a break" (granted she is elderly in her 70s, I should clarify she is my grandmother but raised me from birth so I call her mom. I am an only child. My dad is living with her and my grandpa in order to help them out, he is divorced and on his own) I feel like she is always using the elder card to manipulate me and what I want to do. Even though I am an adult and my life is together I just do not think it's right that when I would like to do something and I am trying to tell my parents I am immediately shot down with "give us a break". Ok so even if I can't go teach abroad the situation is so bad that even if I really wanted to (which I do) I know that if I said I was moving to another state or even just another city in Texas! I would be met with a difficult time from them and I just feel like it's really ridiculous I can't make any decisions in my life without fearing these negative remarks from them...I think I answered my own question, but I want to know..Is my family controlling?? How should I confront them?? They have been good parents....but at the same time I feel like they're awful...I find myself getting easily annoyed and irritated with them frequently, visiting them has become an obligation and sometimes I feel like I even hate them.
 
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jespah
 
  5  
Reply Tue 21 Mar, 2017 07:28 pm
@ash16,
You do not have to deal with them at all.

So here's the plan. Consider it to be 'opposite day' every time you deal with them.

Them: "Life is sad; get over it."
You: "Awesome! Thanks!" Grin and skip away.

Them: "look at this **** this country is in, look at other countries, just stop it and give us a break"
You: "The **** will still be there when I get back. So save me a seat; I'll send ya a postcard!"

Seriously, you are 24 years old, a married college graduate with a wonderful job.

You don't need to let anything they say or do affect you anymore.

You have taken your fill of all of their ****. Your **** tank is at F. There is no more room, so you need to let it spill out somewhere else.

Go and have a wonderful time and a learning experience. Or do something else.

You are a grownup. And one of the privileges of being a grownup is that you get to stop giving a flying **** about such things.
0 Replies
 
McGentrix
 
  2  
Reply Tue 21 Mar, 2017 10:49 pm
Quote:
Seriously, you are 24 years old, a married college graduate with a wonderful job.


This.
0 Replies
 
Romeron
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2017 03:14 am
@ash16,
You work as a teacher in your country itself that is better because in India wages are not very great your lifestyle will totaly change,are you fool to leave your developed mother country.You obey your parents,love your grandmother.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2017 03:57 am
@ash16,
You're young, carpe diem, live life. Do what you want to do, it's your life. And what's a year anyway? Your 'mother' is 70, Dame Vera Lynn just celebrated her 100th birthday. You don't want to spend the next thirty years hanging around them just in case this year is their last.

They'll get over it. You don't want to reach 70 and have tell your kids not to miss out on all the stuff you regret not doing when you were their age.

"Give me a break, I'm going to live my life, get over it."
0 Replies
 
saab
 
  2  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2017 04:41 am
I have been a daugther and now I am a mother.
I think it made life so much more interesting between the generations that we did not controll nor were controlled. I was allowed to go my own way and so does my daughter. There is /was always something new to learn as parent and find out about. The pleasure of getting mail - not just e-mails, the pleasure of seeing one another now and then.
I prefer to have my daughter in another country and have close relationship than to have her close by and maybe not even being on talking terms.
Several of my daughter´s friends live in the same town /village as their mothers or parents and do not talk to them.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
  Selected Answer
 
  3  
Reply Wed 22 Mar, 2017 08:31 am
She may be fearful of never seeing you again so she busts up your dreams with negative remarks. Just say, "Thanks for your opinion" and walk away. Because that's what it is, just her opinion.

You and your husband need to live your lives the way you want, mistakes and all, blessings and all.

0 Replies
 
 

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