My boyfriend doesnt defend in situations (need advice)

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My boyfriend and i have been dating for 2 years. He is very close with his family in particular with his cousins. One night we went to one of his cousins house to visit and this cousin in particular is known to joke around. His cousin had made a comment that involved my family which hurt me and crossed the line, my boyfriend didn't say anything to him to defend me in regards to the situation i was put in my partner said he didnt want to ruin his relationship with his cousin but i wasnt asking for that he could have said something in a friendly manner it didnt have to be harsh. I also feel that my partner doesnt respect me and my decisions and it is always hard to talk to him about any problems that have arised between us two as he hates dwelling on things and just likes to patch up on things unsolved. I dont know what to do this is continuous and i kind of had enough

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Type: Discussion • Score: 4 • Views: 1,176 • Replies: 7

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@tini98,

Sounds like you are dating a little boy no offense. Respect is a big thing in relationships/ life in general. And communication is critical. Throwing stuff under the rug only lasts so long before resentment boils over leading to more problems.

Write a list of what bothers you and have a serious talk about it with him. Remember timing is everything

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@ryanthonytx,

yeah i know it seems like that sometimes he definitely isnt mature for his age being 19

Thank you as i have tried this before i will make sure this time is the last

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@tini98,

Is there some reason you didn't stand up for yourself?

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@ossobucotemp,

i did but would have been nice also instead of him just sitting there he stood up for me to since it is his cousin it would have been better coming from him since they have a relationship and not me coming across as rude

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@tini98,

A good partner should understand you and your feelings but he is not your slave also.Talk about your feelings and problems.If you are not comfortable with that joking cousin tell to him you didn't like him or you didn't want to talk to him.He should love you and take care of you.You said you are in love for about 2 years,if both of them are very much close don't wait for the marriage.Find his and his familys wereabouts first.

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I doubt if a 19 year old kid has the presence to speak up in defense of anyone else, much less in front of his own family.

Write it off as immaturity.

On the good side, he NOW has experienced this and may need to have an explanation on how to speak up if there is an offensive statement made.

PS: If this was a joke, then maybe he didn't find it as offensive as you did.

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@tini98,

Quote:

i did but would have been nice also instead of him just sitting there he stood up for me to since it is his cousin it would have been better coming from him since they have a relationship and not me coming across as rude

It's good that you have stood up for yourself. The more that you stand up for yourself (as opposed to trying to denigrate the other person), the more:
- you start to learn how you handle rude behaviour (as a skill), and
- the greater your sense of 'self / who you are' (which affects the attitude with which you handle rude behaviour).

Rephrased - eventually you will find that you don't need to be rude in order to stand up for yourself...but such usually takes practice / and waits on your sense of self to have grown further.

Valuing yourself as a person, respectfully standing up for yourself, being true to your self, and working to develop your sense of self are things I would encourage every person to work towards.

From that vantage, make decisions about who you want in your life.

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My boyfriend doesnt defend in situations (need advice)

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