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Sun 30 Oct, 2022 09:40 am
So its been about 3 years since I'd seen my LDR boyfriend of 9years. In previous trips he had gone out of his way to do special things together but this time he has seemed withdrawn and annoyed.. he has ADD and can not live with someone and I have enjoyed our friendship over the years, but we have had real trouble trying to build any chemistry between us besides on the phone. It really disappointed me that after all this time he didnt go to any effort to do anything interesting together but just wanted to stay in watching his youtube videos and tv shows.. whenever I said i was going to go out without him he got upset and acted like i was being rude for leaving him.. For some reason he started telling me to go to bed at a certain time and refusing to let me go out to do my own shopping. Instead asking what i want and going to get it himself and then serving it to me like i'm some kind of child. The food is terrible. I am feeling very stuck with this guy who im walking on eggshells with before my flight home. I offered to cook some real food for us but all he eats is take away.. I'm used to cooking at home and i told him that but he keeps making me feel bad for wanting to eat nice food like I'm picky.. it seems very controlling to me. I cant afford to change my flight dates at this stage, Ive tried to talk to him about going out somewhere together for fun but he refuses and tells me he cant afford it even when the activities are free. I am counting down the days to my flight but this situation is unbearable.. what can i do to get him out of this comfort zone?
@JazzyCat,
Nothing. Give up on this dysfunctional relationship. Go home and forget about him. He's not worth the space in your head.
@Mame,
Thank you Mame. I thought thats what I should do but after 9 years I feel bad to leave him in this rut. I don't want to enable him though so I guess there is nothing I can do.
@JazzyCat,
What about your life?
You've wasted nine years of it with this idiot, find someone who appreciates you.
@JazzyCat,
He has a choice and it looks like he's made it. Change your life before you regret it. You may have had "something" for 9 years, but do you want 39 more? Consider it an expensive learning experience and move on.
It doesn't sound like you're getting anything out of this, past testing yourself for how much you can endure with someone whose problems are beyond your ken and responsibility.
You cannot save or fix him. You can save and fix yourself.
@JazzyCat,
For current before you leave on your flight, can you go to a hotel? You could simply leave if you cannot change your flight.
@JazzyCat,
Seems like he might have insecurity. Medication like that has its obvious criticism however if he is capable of operating medicated but nervous or annoyed with you then you are judgmental and not supporative enough. You worry about control and that is fine as you must have been brutally attacked in your past...but that isn't the control you need to think about. What about his past? You say flight...is that because you are flying to see him?
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