Age gap

You're 12 years old and he is 18 - there can't be
a friendship other than a platonic one, otherwise it
would be statutory rape and your friend would
have to face the authorities.

If he is any smart, he won't get involved with you
in a more intimate relationship.

Feelings aren't right or wrong, Sarah. They're just...feelings. We all have 'em. It's what you decide to do because of them that is right or wrong.

In this case, I'm afraid I have to agree with CalamityJane. There are laws involved.

This may be your first hard lesson about feelings. We all go through this, and I know hearing that doesn't make it any easier. But we all have to "ride out" the feelings sometimes. They don't last forever...feelings never do....and sometimes all you can do is just hang on 'til you don't feel that way anymore. I'd love to be able to tell you that you'll never have to do that again once you're an adult, but that just wouldn't be true. It takes real maturity to be able to do what you know is best in spite of your feelings.

(((((HUGS))))))

too much of an age gapdefinatly. There will be some much going on in your life form now until you turn 18. So many changes happen during this time and as a result he has gone throuhg some of thes and will be alot more life experience then you.

I'm afraid I have to agree with the others sassa. It all really boils down to the law. He would go to jail if your relationship turned into anything more than friendship.

Not only the law, boys that age sometimes tend to prey on the young!

he is a christian as am I, I promise you there will be no sex, so if we wait a yr or 2, see if we stil feel the same way thne have a sex free relationship, what can be the problem

I have to agree with the others. A relationship is illegal and if this boy is smart he'll stay away. It's not at all wrong for you to feel this way, it's perfectly natural. I wouldn't say the same for him, at that age, he should know it's wrong and raise some alarm signals.



The only thing you can do right now is stay friends, nothing more. and 2 years from now it's still illegal. You're only 12 and you will change a lot over the following years. That's the main reason why age gaps tend to be obvious during these years. Remember that 18 year old boys don't want the same things and have alot more life experience than you.

That sounds very reasonable coming from a 12 year old girl, but honey, 18-20 year old boys are MUCH different!!!

And, waiting 2 years means he's 20 and you are still underage, at 14.

It may not seem like it right now, but there are a lot of things wrong with an 18-year-old seeking out a relationship with a 12-year-old, or a 20-year-old seeking out one with a 14-year-old. Six year age gaps are nothing once both parties are at least 30. They are still an issue when at least one party is under 30 but it is possible for them to work. But when it comes to the teen years, it will not work, sorry, even in a completely, 100% sex-free relationship.

What you have, instead, is a crush, and if he is at all an adult, he will recognize that, smile, and leave you alone.

You need to grow up at your own pace and not more quickly than you should. Right now, you probably just want to be older at all costs, but the fact is, you are not a teen forever and you can really set yourself up for future difficulties if you try to speed up the process too much. Right now, the boys in your class are rather immature and some of them may not even like girls yet. That's okay, that's perfectly normal, please don't try to short-circuit the process.

As for him, he is either a High School graduate or is about to be, and should be considering college or trade school or getting a job, not trying to recapture a time when he didn't have so many responsibilities. For him, now is a time to make his way in the world, not fall back on what's safe and easy.

Friendship is a wonderful thing. And crushes, while they can be painful, are pretty good, too. Please don't convert a crush and a friendship into a romance when you are not yet ready and he should be directing his attentions elsewhere.

Sarah
Hi Sarah:

An 18 year old is an adult in the eyes of the society and the law. You are 12 years old--a child in the eyes of society and the law.

It is both morally and legally wrong for an 18 year old adult to have a romantic relationship with a child. If this crush goes any further, HE will be considered a predator of children and a threat to society. HE will face criminal charges and his life will be ruined. Even if YOU want a relationship with HIM, you will be considered the victim who was seduced and trapped in HIS predatory, criminal web.

IF you care about this man, you need to avoid temptation and leave him alone. Use common sense because, if you don't, the consequences will be severe. Don't allow your feelings to ruin his life and possibly yours.

Ditto what everyone else is saying here. And quite frankly, there is something wrong with this 18 yr old if he would even contemplate a relationship with a 12 yr old. Sorry, but that is just how I see it. Personally, I think you are too young to be contemplating any type of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. But again, that is just my opinion to be taken for whatever it is worth.

I agree


Absolutely! Unfortunately, Sarah doesn't seem to understand that there is something wrong with HIM. She believes she is an extra-special 12 year old, more mature than other girls her same age, and this explains HIS attraction to her. I have no doubt that Sarah is a special, caring child. However, this is exactly what child predators do -- they target their victims with the intention of making the victim feel that he/she was singled out for his devoted attention due to his/her special characteristics. It's a seduction.

If Sarah is truly more mature than other girls her age, she will see that HIS attention is not normal or healthy. A normal 18 year old man will have other things on his agenda other than seducing a 12 year old child. Sarah needs to use her maturity to allow herself to put distance between herself and this adult male who is acting inappropriately towards her.

Sarah,

I agree with everyone's posts here and especially Debra's viewpoint on the legalities and possible consequences for your friend. In our state a child predator, once exposed is registered as a sex offender for the REST OF HIS LIFE.. It's not like a slap on the wrist and gets dropped from your record after a few years like a speeding ticket.

I can understand how his attention must make you feel incredibly special. But that alone should send up a red flag...and I am suspecting that it probably already has and that is maybe why you are asking for advice....?

These folks here are wise and wonderful and warm and caring. Listen to them, please.

And Debra....just wanted to say thanks for a website you mentioned awhile back in another thread. I like it! I like it!

Ah see hes the one with reservations, he really isnt keen, and i really dont think hell go on any further, btw, nothing stops a sex free relationship between an adult and child in the law

... btw by further i mean doing anything

Re: Age gap


Do you communicate by computer/internet? Lots of instant messages, etc.?



You're wrong.

Sexual predator
SEXUAL PREDATORS: KNOW THE ENEMY

Modus Operandi

Young teens have a real desire to be free of their parents’ authority and to gain acceptance as grown-ups. But teens are also naïve and inexperienced, especially in dealing with adults who have ulterior motives. Sexual predators take advantage of these qualities. They manipulate kids in an effort to gain trust, which they use to gradually turn seemingly innocent online relationships into real-life sexual interactions.

A predator usually approaches a child target through initially harmless chat room or instant-message dialogue. Over time—perhaps weeks or even months—the stranger, having obtained as much personal information as possible, grooms the child, gaining his or her trust through compliments, positive statements, and other forms of flattery to build an emotional bond.

As the child begins to respond to and bond with this person, conversations become more personal. Some predators also pass along sexually explicit images of children to suggest to the targeted child that it’s normal for kids to be involved in sexual activities. . . .

http://www.nap.edu/netsafekids/pp_sp.html

*****

So Sarah, you are 12 years old and you are communicating with an adult male, over the internet, through lots of instant messages, and he's grooming you and gaining your trust. "Darn age difference." "You seem older . . . ."

There are laws that penalize this type of inappropriate behavior. . . .You need to be careful. This is not a Romeo and Juliet fantasy; your knight in shining armor could be a sexual predator who is grooming you and gaining your trust for ulterior motives.

Debra -- Sarah said that she and this guy were confirmed together. I think that means she knows him from church.

Thanx Eva, yes I do and last nite he text me and said he'd been praying about it and all we could be for now is mates btw he isnt a preditory beast u know I think perhaps some people here have gone to the extreme