5
   

It's Officially and Unfortunately Over. Help.

 
 
Reply Mon 13 Feb, 2017 10:08 am
I lost it guys.

If anyone has read any of my previous posts, I was in a semi-tumultuous relationship. There were one or two recurring problems that made it hard for us to be happy. I had just recently realized how they could be fixed and I was ready to try it out, but he finally left me. And it was my fault.

Friday, I got drunker than ever and broke his TV and bruised his forehead. He was drunk too, said some mean things, and threw me around a bit which pushed drunken me to be violent. I guess we are both angry drunks. But then he broke up with me.

We stayed up for hours crying and holding each other after it happened until the sun came up. We both apologized. I told him I'd buy him a new TV. He told me not to worry about the TV and just held me and cried and kept asking why I had to this up. I helped him get ready for work like usual; he hugged me then watched me drive away. That face. My heart yearns for that face.

The rest of the day, we texted all day and talked on the phone for hours, but his tone had changed. He wouldn't see me. I wanted him to see me because that's the only way we ever settle these things - in person. We realize how much we want each other I guess. So, as I'm sure you know, I spent the day (Saturday) begging . He eventually said yes, but something came up... Then, Sunday, we texted a normal convo, but later he said he just couldn't be with me anymore and that he hopes we can be friends again. So I resumed begging to see him. He eventually stopped texting and turned off his phone.
He said that my continuing to text him was just making him angrier - the more I begged him, the angrier he became.
The last message he sent said that he forgave me but just couldn't see me right now, that he just needs time. I replied with a series of pleas to "just see me." But after my best friend talked sense into me, I sent a final message saying "I understand. I can do that. I can give you time. Good night."

But how much time is enough time? How will I know if enough time has passed?

My friend says to text him in a few days (Wednesday maybe) to see if he wants to hang. If he doesn't want to, just text him when the TV gets delivered (Thursday) and tell him that I have something for him or ask him to help me carry something to my car or just flat out tell him I have the TV for him.

I plan to replace the TV even though he said not to worry about it because I regret it and I would demand that someone replace my TV if they broke it. I also know the TV is a large source of his anger with me. He said he gets mad at me every time he enters his room because he can't watch Netflix, play games, etc. He did eventually say, though, "If you want to buy me a TV, I won't stop you." I know deep down that I'm buying this TV in hopes that he'll date me again. I feel he knows this too. But it's also the right thing to do.
But I will be livid if I replace this TV and he doesn't even give us final chance. That's why my friend says that I should text and see if he will hang with me first without the TV as a tool. If he doesn't, then maybe I'll have to use the TV as a tool. What do you all think about this?

Here are some more questions I have.

Have any guys ever been hit by their girl before? What was the outcome? Did you stay with her or get back with her?

I ask this because he did say a few times that he can't believe I hit him, so I think that may be why he's angry, too. I honestly can't believe it either. I don't remember doing anything this night. Last thing I remember was his throwing me around and then me crying to his roommate. How can I go about fixing this? Any suggestions?
 
Tiger81
 
  5  
Reply Mon 13 Feb, 2017 10:24 am
@ChickenMate,
You get so drunk you don;t remember what happens, you become physical and so does he. Does this sound like healthy and rational adult behavior?

Ditch him, and fix yourself.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Mon 13 Feb, 2017 10:32 am
@ChickenMate,
Christ on a cracker, you are pretending it never happened and are all set to mark a date on the calendar when everything is going to be hunky dory and you'll be able to go back to whatever the hell things were before.

And that is exactly what you were doing before, you were waiting with your sharpie and a calendar, hoping for a date certain when you could call things official or demand a commitment or whatever.

You got black-out drunk and you got violent. He got violent in return.

Run, don't walk, away from this crap, and get yourself some goddamned psychiatric help before you destroy more than a TV or you get behind the wheel at the wrong time. Get some tools from therapy to figure out why you persist in putting your life on hold and wait for someone else's timetable to decide on the course of your very existence.
0 Replies
 
hightor
 
  3  
Reply Mon 13 Feb, 2017 10:41 am
Okay, I read through this. And I looked through some of your earlier threads. I honestly don't get it. Why would you want to spend so much emotional capital on such a questionable relationship? Drinking to the point of collapse, people getting thrown around, TV's getting broken, an emotional roller coaster ending in a crash — why involve yourself in this kind of drama?
Quote:
Have any guys ever been hit by their girl before? What was the outcome? Did you stay with her or get back with her?

No, I've never been hit by any of the women I've dated nor have I ever hit them. As far as I'm concerned, if someone shows that level of uncontrolled emotion I'm out of there. I don't care how attractive, perfect, or wonderful you've made this person out to be — it's called "self-deception". Get out, don't look back, take some time off from the dating game, and work on yourself. Do some creative things instead of riding this merry-go-round of painful feelings and wasted sentiment.
0 Replies
 
CoastalRat
 
  2  
Reply Mon 13 Feb, 2017 12:13 pm
@ChickenMate,
You both have serious issues to address before either of you have another relationship. My advice could be given to both of you, but since you are the one here, I will address it only to you.

1. Get sober. You and alcohol are a bad combination. You become violent. Drunks lose their ability to function in a reasonable manner.

2. You hit him. You broke his tv. He "threw you around a bit." Sure, you were drunk. But alcohol removes inhibitions. If the two of you get violent when drunk, then it may well happen when sober. What part of this toxic relationship appeals to you?

It is over. At least he has the sense to get out. You need to get help with your drinking issue. And yes, if my wife had ever hit me, I would have moved out that instant and it would be over. (Same thing if I ever hit her. She would be out of there in a heartbeat.) Violence has no place in a loving relationship. Getting angry is one thing. Striking someone is something totally different.

Leave him alone. Get yourself some help. Stop drinking. Your obviously are not responsible enough to handle it.
0 Replies
 
Iouman
 
  3  
Reply Mon 13 Feb, 2017 02:14 pm
@ChickenMate,
Sounds you were made for each other. Do us all a favor, and don't reproduce.
ChickenMate
 
  0  
Reply Tue 14 Feb, 2017 09:58 pm
@Iouman,
That's the thing: I want to so badly be with him for a long time and eventually reproduce, haha. I guess my unreasonable behaviors ruined that opportunity.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Tue 14 Feb, 2017 11:05 pm
@ChickenMate,
ChickenMate wrote:

But I will be livid if I replace this TV and he doesn't even give us final chance.


your attitude about all of this is unfreakingbelievable

have someone else make the contact and make the tv delivery

time for you to grow up and leave this guy alone

you generally need to get some mental health support for your drinking and volatility
0 Replies
 
Lash
 
  2  
Reply Wed 15 Feb, 2017 06:55 am
Life will be miserable and filled with more losses until you get a professional to diagnose you, and you make recovery a top priority.

Go to AA, get a therapist.

Replace the TV you broke with no expectations.

I hope you can gain some mature perspective and save your life.

0 Replies
 
Mhmhppl
 
  1  
Reply Thu 16 Feb, 2017 02:26 am
@ChickenMate,
I'm seeing a lot of extremely blunt replies to this question, which is very necessary when talking about a relationship such as this one. But it is also important to talk to people that have even the slightest understanding of how it feels. My sister was in a very interesting relationship that she just got out of recently and she has been talking to me a lot about how it all felt. I haven't experienced anything like this myself
The truth is that a relationship as rocky as this is as dangerous and addictive as a drug and is almost guaranteed to end badly. But the way that these relationships need to be seen is one that is guaranteed to end badly. I agree with the comments that you are waiting for the moment when everything is fine, but is it worth hurting each other emotionally (and physically) for so long hoping for the happy ending that probably won't happen?
As important as he is to you and as important as you are to him, he has the right idea to call things off. We don't know just how you feel about him or what exactly you two have been through, but maybe that means that our advice is worth taking. Emotions can be blinding.
In the end the decision is yours. I hope that all turns out well and that you both find happiness as individuals.
0 Replies
 
Iouman
 
  2  
Reply Thu 16 Feb, 2017 12:41 pm
@ChickenMate,
I would recommend watching Brad Browning's videos on youtube on how to get back with your ex if that's what you truly want. Get yourself under control first though.
0 Replies
 
 

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