Sat 11 Feb, 2017 12:30 pm
How to open up your heart again after you've been hurt?
It's been a year now since my four-year relationship officially ended. For now, I don't want to be in a relationship again but I just want to get out from the box I've been hiding for a year. I feel like my social life has been tremendously affected as well. I became a man hater that even my male friends were wondering why I treated them like it's them who broke up with me. I'm aware that I've been unfair to them and acted so immature because of what I've been through. I want to open up my heart again so I can learn how to trust again. I'm not ready for a serious a commitment yet but I just want to be happy. I want to make it up with my friends and to myself as well.
But let me share a little bit of my past...
In my previous relationship, there was a third party involved. But it wasn't the main reason why broke up. I always asked him why he was looking for more.
I did everything I can to be a good girlfriend to him. He treated me like a princess and I treated him like a King but, still I don't know what has been lacking in our relationship. We were in a relationship just like anybody else. We often quarrel but we always make it up soon after. We laughed, we cried. We were just a normal couple worked hard to make our relationship work for four years. But all of a sudden everything went out of control. He always treated me the same way as if everything's fine. But then one day he just started acting cold. He always finds a way for us to fight. Like even the smallest childish reason can cause a big argument. Then one day, I saw a picture of him with another girl on social media. We argued big time.
I asked him why he did it. Like, what the hell did I do wrong for you to do that? I talked in a very subtle way. But he just shrugged and said he's sorry. Does that make any sense? However, after several months of not talking, I gave him a chance to make up for what he did. He apologized to my dad as well. But eventually, after everything that happened, I felt like we can't be the same couple like before. It feels like eating a leftover food in a brand new plate. Meaning, we were just trying to start all over again, like in a new way by just relying on the feelings left for each other. Unfortunately, we were unable to finish the food we were eating. I got tired doing all the efforts on my own. So I just decided to let him go. I can't explain the pain, but I'll get through it.
And that's the reason why I'm here. At first, I was a bit hesitant to post in this kind of forums because I was a bit skeptical about it. But there's no harm in trying anyway. It's not that I became an introvert, but I just wanna hear some honest opinions from people that I don't know. But I love and respect all my friends advises. It's just that I need more time.
Thank you for reading my long post. Looking forward to a great conversation with you guys. Have a wonderful day!
It takes time to get over betrayal and being dumped. So be good to yourself.
Accept that you probably did nothing wrong, but were co-responsible for how things unfolded. Take another look at the relationship - REALLY take a look. You will see some character flaws - on both sides - that resulted in what happened. Read some of the current books about relationships, like "Men who can't love and the women who love them" (not sure that's the correct title.
Get to know yourself and learn from all this. Don't make the same mistake when choosing another partner.
Good luck. There are some nice guys out there. You just have to get better vision of them and be more discerning.
Perhaps you would benefit from a few counseling sessions to open up your eyes and mind so you won't follow the same patterns in another relationship.
It's unfortunate when we always make the new relationship suffer due to old unresolved issues with a previous partner. That's why it is imperative to work through the old hurt and begin a new relationship with a fresh start.
You did well to hold back on a new partner and as I said, you would benefit
from some professional help to guide you through this past emotions in order to emerge anew. Don't make a new partner suffer from your old experiences.
We were in a relationship just like anybody else. We often quarrel but we always make it up soon after.
Sorry for your pain but there will be a next time with someone new.
But please be aware that "often quarreling" is a red flag. It may be 'normal' bit it's not a good relationship if you often quarrel. Look for the reason. If he picks fights over silly things, that's a sign that you should get out.
All the best to you.